To who I once was
And to who I will be
And especially to who I am now
You are my fixed focus
You’ve looked into my soul
I suppose I gave you permission
A non verbal sort, if any
To become one with me
Or maybe permission wasnt needed
Because you knew, and i knew
And we knew
That nothing else actually mattered
Why verbalize the thoughts of intertwined minds
When a glance can show me the meaning of this world
And a gaze would fly me to another
Maybe there
Maybe there I could find the words for you
But here and now
Your eyes are speaking enough
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Goodmorning. icaruswithoutwings, and welcome to YWS! So happy and excited to see you posting poetry on the site! My name is Gen, and in honor of Review Month, I will be reviewing your work Glances and Gazes. Let's get into it!
Some say that the eyes are the window to the soul, and your poem definitely plays into this motif!
I love how the beginning of this poem starts almost as a letter, but the subject is the narrator themselves. This is really reminiscent of the "spiritual" tag in the poem that sets up the rest of the poem to be introspective, reflective, and personal. Throughout this poem, I enjoy how the subject feels like a complete separate person, but that intimacy is still there. It's a beautiful balance.
The use of rhetorical questions in a poem brings about emphasis and dramatic effect into the poem. This one really solidifies the importance of the look/gazes, and the fact that there is no need for verbal spouts of affection and understanding. This rhetorical question makes the true core of this poem strong, and I loved that you took advantage of it in this piece.
Wow, what a beautiful close to the poem. This line is truly what makes the title Glances and Gazes perfect for this piece. This poem is all about the connection the narrator and subject shares through just a simple glance. It's a poem that displays unspoken understanding and deep intimacy that does not require words to be said. It's beautiful to write a poem about the beauty of this silence and show it through emphasis of a look.
A few suggestions!
- Grammar: Grammar is a very nuanced thing in poetry. Some poets tend to use perfect grammar, some use very little intentional grammar, and some don't use it at all! Each poem calls for something different. It would be wrong of me to say every poem needs grammar, or that grammar is never necessary. Grammar, however, can really strengthen a poem when it calls for it. I think in this poem, a few commas or punctuation would have helped the flow of reading, allowing for no confusion on how this poem should be read! Grammar tends to be a stylistic choice, so even if you ignore this, it doesn't take away from the poem. However, it's just a suggestion because moments where pause or reflection occurs, grammar (or even structure) can help with that!
Overall, this was a wonderful poem, full of intimacy and love that really is reminiscent of romantic poetry. It has a strong voice and narrative that really keeps the reader in the poem and not disrupted one bit. Thank you for posting it. Keep writing and God bless.
Thank you so much! This is my first work posted so I was a bit nervous, but I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Your understanding of the poem is really beautiful.
I need all the advice I can get, so I will definitely take your suggestions! Thank you!
I really like this poem. It's like talking with parts of yourself. It's deep.
"To who I once was
And to who I will be
And especially to who I am now"
It's like talking with the past, present and future self. I think a lot of people think about our versions from different timelines. But not a lot od people actually talk with them. That's why this poem is special.
"You are my fixed focus
You’ve looked into my soul
I suppose I gave you permission
A non verbal sort, if any
To become one with me"
This sounds like the narrator was maybe not in good terms with themself before? They were talking to themself, really looking into themself. And all the parts became one. But the narrator still talks to those parts.
"Or maybe permission wasnt needed
Because you knew, and i knew
And we knew
That nothing else actually mattered"
Now this sounds like the narrator didn't really care about becoming one with all their parts. It's like the narrator didn't care about accepting themself. They sound numb.
"Why verbalize the thoughts of intertwined minds
When a glance can show me the meaning of this world
And a gaze would fly me to another
Maybe there
Maybe there I could find the words for you
But here and now
Your eyes are speaking enough"
This part sounds so deep and meaningfull. My favourite part. It's like the narrator knew that this world is not meant for them. It's like this world didn't want them to understand all those parts. But the narrator hopes. Hopes for something unavailable. And they trust that no words are needed. Cause the eyes tells it all.
Hi I absolutely love this interpretation! This is the first work I've ever posted on here so its really nice to have such a nice detailed comment on my work so thank you!
I think when writing this poem, I was thinking of so many different things at once, other people and also myself. I like to say it's about seeing so much of yourself in another person that you link with them almost spiritually, but honestly it can be about anything. Thank you again for your review!
No worries!