I first noticed him like a seashell in the middle of a desert.
I’d never seen the ocean, so I went after him,
On my old pale yellow skateboard.
Everything he does is so purposeful, yet so free,
Like he doesn’t have to think to make a thought.
His ambition makes me ambitious,
And his dreams became mine.
I stood side by side-
Or possibly one step behind him.
He said that it has to be me,
Otherwise he wouldn’t work
For light years, I followed a ray of hope,
A light so bright,
I could no longer conceptualize my former darkness.
He guided me through my new vessel.
Even though I isolated myself into a world where only I only exist for him,
He’s still behind a glass case
Something to admire-
Something I can never be.
Sometimes I still feel like I'm on that skateboard,
With tired wheels,
Desperately trying to catch up to him,
And savour the trail of aspiration left behind.
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139,203 Literary Works • 672,505 Reviews
Hello! It’s CATS here to leave a review using my very own CATS Opinion method! The way you made the title is very interesting! Let’s DIVE IN.
FLASH OF GLOWING EYES
This is where I tell you what I think of the poem at first glance. It sounds so summery, and beachy, if that’s even a word XD
I caught the words seashell and beach. They really popped out to me!
SOFT FUR
My cat is taking over!!! It’s where her favourites are. She loved the beginning and how the narrator describes the boy as a seashell. It sets the scene of a beautiful beach with he ocean waves lapping at the sand. And we know the title came from this!
WARM PURR
I’m back. These are the parts that I would think it’s done very well! Of course, the first one is because it’s so unique how you used comparison. Makes the reader engaged.
The second last stanza really caught my attention because it’s so relatable, knowing there is someone you like who you can never get. I love the repeated Something, really deep with love.
SHARP CLAWS
my cat is back. Ughhh why did I let her do this part?!? It’s where stuff need suggestions that I might try to give. I mean, that my cat would try to give.
The part where you described the light, second line, is a bit short compared to the first and third ones. Maybe make it a bit longer? It’s just my opinion. That is all. The syllable patterns make it easy to read for all the rest!
CONCLUDING MEOW
hiii me again! Overall this poem really hits somewhere deep inside of me. The emotions and the love radiate from the poem into readers. It’s very touching in a way. Can’t wait to read more!
HAPPY EVERYTHING!!!
Love,
CATS
Thank you so much for this detailed review! I'm glad you enjoyed it and i will take everything into consideration!
No prob! Glad u liked!
I'm going review your poem with ocean terms.
The beach-
I really like how the narrator explains how a one sided love can feel, they obviously love them, living every day for them, changing who they are for them, but their love doesn't love them back.
The rocks-
Some readers might struggle to grasp the meaning, and if that's the point great, but just be aware of overly hidden meanings. But, other than that, it's great.
The depths-
I think this is about a girl who falls in love with a boy, and molds everything about her to fit what she thinks he wants. But, no matter how much she changes, he won't love her.
And, sometimes she stills catches feeling for him.
Yeah, I really like this poem, keep up the good work!
Thank you for the review! Your take is really great! I'd say the biggest theme of this poem is insecurity, so you can honestly take that and frame it anyway.
I don't try and purposely have overly complex hidden themes, I actually don't really like that either, but its definitely possible to do it unintentionally not thinking about the actual reader's point of view. I will definitely take that into consideration!
The descriptions of seemingly random things with very emotional ties to the subject is the best kind of metaphor.
I like how you've made the big contrasts really casual through the personal pronouns like with "On my old" skate board, giving images of urban enviroments contrasting with the desert. How I see the pale yellow skateboard is a kinda direction on the speakers age, which I think helps with the vulnerability and ambition of the speaker.
The "I stood side by side-
Or possibly one step behind him." line is really good, the ryhme with side and behind with the extra syllable on the latter line is really good at showing the speakers response to their situation and makes a genuine tone.
Thank you for your comment! I really love how you broke everything down.
Also lol, I actually didn't notice I rhymed "side" and "behind," it's so cool you picked up on that. Everything else is pretty intentional though!
Hello!!! Lovely poem!! Immediately from the bio I noticed that its intended for others to immerse themselves in it; not just through the speaker, but to also form the idea of who this "him" that this poem speaks about. Which is quite sweet and endearing to purposely make your poem something to not just be relatable for one person, but for many others, and encourage people to create an idea for the character(s) ("him"), while having its own definite structure itself! While this poem is open enough for others to feel themselves in it, this poems reads like a story, or perhaps a journey, that you go along with, which adds an interesting quality to this poem!
Noticeably, the title "Pale Yellow" is the color of that skateboard mentioned in the beginning. Which makes me wonder about what this color means for this poem- what the symbolism is in this context. Yellow is usually associated with joy and energy, but also be associated with caution and warnings - but the paleness of this color may be a hint of something old and/or washed down. A skateboard is something for you to travel and move on (literally and metaphorically here); so for it to be in this color, perhaps could symbolize going on a journey while remaining to have that washed down joy stuck with you all the time when moving forward. The title is defined by this color of the skateboard, because the poem is defined in that way too—a joy not too developed and whole (and to be going, constantly going, with it).
The speaker sees him as this unique (perhaps colorful) thing within something dull, repetitive, and hollow (desert). They seek him because "they'd never seen the ocean"—meaning the speaker seeks this person out because the speaker was reminded of something large, whole and full (ocean). These are really interesting metaphors and imagery going on here! Interestingly enough, the old pale yellow the skateboard's color is reminiscent of the desert—I wonder if there is some additions to the desert as a metaphor here considering the context of that color! If that would be the case, the desert wouldn't just be this dull, repetitive and hollow thing but also could have been formerly a joyful place for the speaker.
For his behaviors and thinking to have this "structure" to it but is open and freeing enough to not limited to conventional means of "logic"—and the fascination and confusion to witness such a mind like that—is expressed here so excellently!!
These lines are excellent build-up to the speaker reminiscing about "For light years, I followed a ray of hope, / A light so bright,"—how he is a sun for them. The speaker didn't stand beside the sun, but became a shadow cast by his brightness. They became a shadow close to him, which induced an uncomfortable truth:
The speaker desperately built themselves from someone else's— his dreams— and he addressed that. Within this longing towards something, there's the underlying, uncomfortable truth that this speaker feels as so they hardly have an identity of their own. This "him" was so sure and identified greatly with himself. He was full, and whole. He wasn't just someone to intertwine romantically with, but someone to become.
Perhaps this "former darkness" was the shadow they became being under him. Now, our speaker could no longer conceptualize who they became considering how he was the one to point it out first, and try to put a stop to this dynamic. Even with that odd, perhaps uncomfortable, truth that someone was trying to "become him", he still had the compassion to willingly help them and guide them through developing themselves as an individual... which is just so great!!
What a great way to express this interesting, complicated dynamic that still lingers for them in their memory! For someone to be so close and so far.. gosh.
Even now, "he" is remembered as an embodiment of something greater- to be someone whole and secured in themselves and their identity. Despite this speaker at this point, still having a greater understanding or security of themself, they still sometimes miss that journey of not just being besides him, but trying to become him. They miss the person they were back when they were with him, the pieces of him that they used to build themselves too. And that is just so human.
What an ending! I loved that while this poem is a whole journey through reminiscing, the speaker's journey to be secure in themselves is still ongoing. I think many of us relate to feeling so lacking in who they are as a person, that we gravitate to many aspects, even people, for the sake of feeling whole. However, many people feel more compelled to the idea of "becoming" something instead of naturally being exposed to it, and let yourself develop from there instead of fully emerging yourself in it. This desperate, nagging need to be fulfilled while always caring baggage with you can apply to so many people. It's a very human experience that is conveyed here so well!!
This dynamic between "him" and the speaker, was interesting to analyze! I also liked that while there is the usage of imagery and lines associated with romance (ex: ocean, and to "become somebody", etc.), there's this layer to it that goes deeper than romance—it's insecurity.
Overall, this is such a great poem touching on the topic of idolization, going on a journey (mentally), and especially identity!!! Keep writing!!
Thank you so much! I would have definitely tagged insecurity if I could, that played a big role in the speakers journey.
The title, Pale Yellow, is also definitely metaphorical. You were spot on to the meaning i wanted for it, yellow being happy and exciting, but pale making everything bittersweet, or adding some melancholy.
you're welcome!!
glad i was able to get that symbolism, especially from a good piece like this!
Nice poem written by the writer.
"He’s still behind a glass case
Something to admire-
Something I can never be.
Sometimes I still feel like I'm on that skateboard,"
These lines, are my favorite. I just loved the concept of this whole poem, and the title is so intriguing. From what I can understand, the writer is inspired by 'him' and he/she aspires to be like him one day. The writer also explains how 'he' is so good, as if something to be admired by the writer. Also, the idea of the 'yellow skateboard' is awesome.
The writer is trying to be like him, I guess, as the writer mentioned that he/she is on those tired wheels of that skateboard still trying to catch up to him, be like. I feel like everyone is just perfect the way they are (its just my opinion hehehe).
Keep it up.
Waiting for more.
Thank you.
Yes, the speaker is definitely trying to be like him! I will be posting more, thank you for commenting!