Save Me

...........................................................................I am finally here to review your lovely poem!!!!!

If you don't mind, I'm going to go stanza by stanza. Stanza by stanza is so to help correct a few typos and for suggestions I may have. I hope this helps(: I'm going to jump onto reviewing now. I'll start reviewing.

I'm used to the pain,

I'm used to the hurt,

I'm used to the heart break,

but who cares?

For this stanza, I think repetition is your enemy. Repeating 'I'm used to' three times draws back some flow from this poem. Maybe try placing substitute words in there. And also, instead of one big sentence, how about putting it into two? I suggest that for all stanzas but you don't necessarily have to do so. Also, in an concept note, maybe try putting in replacement words for 'but who cares?' so the reader gets a full impact.

I know you think of me selfish,

for me to say im used to it,

for me to say i want it all to end,

but what is there to live on for?

Again with the repetition with 'for me to say', maybe put replacement words in for one of the two? Also, the last line... maybe try wording it like: 'Honestly, there is nothing to live for." And just an hint, im should be ' I'm ' and 'i' should be 'I'.

I'm sorry to say this

but I don't see a point,

all i see is people set on repeat,

whats there to do but die?

In this poem, you say 'but' a lot. Try putting in substitute words. Also, you can split THIS stanza into three sentences. 'I'm sorry to say this, but I don't see a point. All I (capitalize your 'i' by the way) see is people set on repeat. What's there to do but die?' Also, your last two sentences in this stanza could be worded a bit better.

i feel these thoughts take my mind,

i feel them deep inside,

they make me feel that they are right,

then i look into your eyes.

Capitalize your 'I's in the poem! And as I've mentioned before, repetition is your nemesis. Try and avoid it. As for concept, the last two lines make little to no sense. 'they make me feel that they are right' could be worded better. And also, 'then I look into your eyes.' is way too sudden, it just... randomly popped up? Who's eyes? You need to explain this.

your amazing eyes,

the ones that told me to hold on,

the ones that gave me hope,

your worm eyes.

*dramatic gasp* You didn't capitalize your sentence! Also, it's warm, not worm. I'd be considered if worm eyes gave you hope. And again with the repetition, use replacement words! In this poem, all of a sudden a person just... appears. You need to explain this more, I was left a little confused.

you speak soft words to me,

they make me see through the clouds,

you say things like 'beautiful', 'amazing', 'cute',

you worm my heart.

My head throbs from all the repetition words in this poem.... be sure to try and fix that, it'd improve your poem immensely. Also, for this stanza, you could break it up into more than one sentence. I have yet to mention this yet, but try and put some description words in hear so the reader gets a nice picture in their head. And just a note, it's warm, not worm. It's not physically possible for someone to 'worm' your heart.

of happy things,

you helped me out of the rain,

you saved me from my self, now its my turn to save you.

Red banana (wat)? Try using the advice I gave you previously to make this last stanza perfect(:


Overall, I love the poem, but it is a wee bit of an 'fixer-upper'. With work, this flower of a poem could blossom into many flowers!(: Great job and keep writing poetry so I can read more c,:

Sincerely,
SecreteJournalist
AKA
Brie