I miss you

Timmy here for a quick review!

So how I review is this way: First you see my...

Nitpicks

That made the butterflies burst flutter into my tummy

Your little jokes ---Perhaps And your little jokes would fit better?

I wish you would see I miss you

Maybe you would come say 'hi'

I wish you would see I'm here

Maybe you would have helped me ---Too many woulds in this stanza, and the next. Makes it seem... monotonous?

This was beautiful, and it made me cry! There isn't much else to say except for the fact that it is very realistic and heart-wrenching. I'm not sure if it is about a break-up or a death, my guess is a death, but either way it's amazing. My father died when I was 11 and reading this brought up several memories about him. You have talent! Keep it up

-Nicole

This was beautiful, and it made me cry! There isn't much else to say except for the fact that it is very realistic and heart-wrenching. I'm not sure if it is about a break-up or a death, my guess is a death, but either way it's amazing. My father died when I was 11 and reading this brought up several memories about him. You have talent! Keep it up

-Nicole

This was beautiful, and it made me cry! There isn't much else to say except for the fact that it is very realistic and heart-wrenching. I'm not sure if it is about a break-up or a death, my guess is a death, but either way it's amazing. My father died when I was 11 and reading this brought up several memories about him. You have talent! Keep it up

-Nicole

Even though this is your first poem, it is a very beautiful poem. I love the sombre and nostalgic tone of this poem and it really makes the reader think back on memories which could relate to the poem. The writing is very simple so it is easy to read and understand the mention being brought out. I am glad you posted this because it is a very well written piece and is something I really enjoyed to read. There is very little critique I can find in this, it is sad how the person in the poem is wanting so much from the person they used to have and feels riddled in nostalgia. I love how you used simple words to convey such a heavy emotion because it still emphasises the sadness and regret that I seem to feel the writer has or I would have if I felt this. This is very relate-able because it is what goes through everyone's mind when they are no longer with someone they loved and cared about meaning that you have a lot of readers who will enjoy reading this poem because when reading it they can reflect on their own life. You should be glad you posted this because it is something that you have written very well and have done it very short but very good. Yes, this is a poem and very nice one at that. And the sadness that is created within this poem is very prominent without which means you wrote this well. Well done. It makes people feel, which is what all poets aim to do.

Hi hopeless! I must say I really enjoyed this poem a lot. Everything you wrote is how i am feeling right now, so I can truly relate. The feelings never good, it sucks. You did a great job though!

-Iamsav

If only I could tell that one person again that I still love the shit out of her....

Pardon my going misty-eyed, but this is quite beautiful. Reminds me of a certain person on here that doesn't talk to me anymore....or hasn't talked to me for some time, now. Not a day goes by that I wish I could see her again. All these feels can keep a man down....and from one love poem...

Hi there hopeless03! Pony123 here to review!

Great job on a first poem. Mine was like something about a cat and a hat. (I don't know if you could call that a poem!) Yours was great! Maybe you could add something to make it flow more. When I read the first few lines I was like wow! Then it got to the "I wish" Part and that was when it stopped flowing. Either make all the lines start with I wish or take out the wish.
Overall, great job!!!

Pony123

as a first poem it is highly emotive, something new people struggle with, I guess. The anaphora of of "i wish you" for the last four lines is an interesting feature but i think it should be used minimally as it can get from repetitive to monotonous. sadly, it did get a bit overdone. however, as a start its decent. be careful not to cross too much into blazon, where it all seems a bit like it has been said before.

Well hello stranger! :3 How lovely, you have posted two lovely poems(: If you don't mind, I am going to review this in two parts. Pros and cons. This seems to help a writer a lot, I do hope this helps!

Pros;
1.) I like how this is probably relatable to so many people. Readers always seem to love relatable poems.

2.) The rhythm of the poem is different, but it's a good different, it's almost lyrical.

3.) For basic words, this poem is full of meaning, its like I can feel the authors heart ache.

4.) Your spelling and grammar in this poem is basically spot on.

Cons;

1.) Their are a few things, you don't have to take this advice, that I think you could reword so it flows a little better. I'll give three examples.
A.) "The one that made my stomach fill with butterfly's"
1.) First off, butterfly's is actually butterflies.
2.) You could word it maybe like "Butterflies were flitting through my stomach as I thought of you."
B.) "I miss your amazing smile"
1.) What about; "I loathe the presence of your smile"
C.) "The ones that made you even better"
1.) Maybe try, "My heart aches at each one"

I hope this helps! Great job, I'm looking forward to reading more from you!

The only thing that i would say is use punctuation.