Why did you do it?
Why did you leave me?
I thought me caring was enough,
But I guess not because you are not here.
~
Where are you?
Where does your soul lie?
I thought you could tell me anything,
But I guess not because you didn't tell me what was wrong.
~
Why would they say that to you?
Why would you let them?
I thought you were stronger than this,
But I guess not because you cut your wrists.
~
Why would you hold it in?
Why would you not let me in to help?
I thought we were close,
But we were miles away from the truth.
~
Why did you have to go?
Why did you let them laugh at you?
Why didn't you stop the cutting?
Why wasn't I there to help you?
But I guess it's all my fault you are gone.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,786 Literary Works • 672,767 Reviews
Wow, this is really powerful. I've been in a situation like this twice once was almost exactly like what this poem describes. You really capture the feelings of guilt for something completely outside of the characters control. I like that you formatted it with questions because it really makes this piece realistic. When something like this happens you are left with many unanswered questions and you did a really nice job showing this. I like that you don't come out and say what has happened, you let the reader figure it out on their own. The vagueness of the details, though the main idea is pretty clear, also makes it applicable to a variety of similar situations. In the second to last stanza there is a bit of a break in repetition, but I don't think it's a big deal. In fact, in a way, the return to repetition in the third stanza makes that last line have more of an impact. If I had to choose I would say "I thought we were were close, but we were miles away from the truth." was my favorite part. Although the line, "I thought me caring was enough" also rings true with me.
Overall this was a really good poem. Well done!
-Ruby-
Thank you!!
i just want to say that my editor thing is being stupid and so it wont let me put it into stanzas but i did try and it just put it like this again. or maybe i'm doing it wrong i don't know.
To make stanzas, Shift Enter. But most YWSers use some kind of symbol, like:
If you want to be fancy, you can change the font color of that symbol. To white, I mean
ok thanks!
Hey, hopeless, I'm mad at you. Want to know why? In this poem, you're staying true to your name. Never be hopeless. As you can tell, I'm Strange and I have a quick review for you! It took me awhile to predict where you were going with this, until I saw the word "Cut," then I released a sigh. I guess, cutting can show how much a person can hurt, but it seems like they obviously don't know anything. To justify my thoughts, they don't know it'll get better. They act all down. Now, you're not saying you cut and you do show a deal of emotion in this, and that's one of the reasons why I like this. The main question is "Why you commit suicide when you had all this?" That message is strong, and you made it subliminal, yet obvious. When you can creep a message through yet make it obvious without saying it is great. Huge round of applause on that. The writing style is great, I just can't stop praising it. I guess this poem wasn't hopeless *Insert horrible pun here.
Overall, great job
Strange gives you...
Off the charts!
Great job!!
Keep writing
Stay groovy, my friend
Thank you!! Thank you so much!! *gets down on knees and bows over and over* thank you!!