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by ShapeOfVoid

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153 Reviews

Points: 2501
Reviews: 153

Tue Mar 10, 2020 7:38 pm
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4revgreen wrote a review...

Hey, Che here for a quick review!

I'll start by saying that I absolutely loved this poem. The structure, the form, the words, everything!
I thought it read rather like a song - if I were any good at singing I definitely would put this to a simple guitar and drums track, maybe a little bass too aha. I can hear it being sung in a style rather like The Smiths, if I'm honest.

I thought it portrayed love in a really different way than most poems would, and it related to writing in such a beautiful way.

I actually don't have an criticisms, which is saying something as usually I'm such a pedantic person when it comes to correcting etc. But really, I think this poem is something very beautiful and I'm rambling a bit now aren't I :-)

Keep writing :-)

ShapeOfVoid says...

Thank you! That means so much to me, Ever!

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926 Reviews

Points: 124636
Reviews: 926

Sun Mar 08, 2020 4:23 pm
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alliyah wrote a review...

I saw this on your wall earlier and loved it, and thought I would let you know!

I really dig this poem - from the font choice to the title - I'm a big fan of too many conjunctions and the repetition in here is lovely as it really makes the point of love being repetitious and continual. Can you explain your intention with having a font that had some of the letters smushed together since I was a little curious about that? It seems like it could have went with the line "worded so carefully" and also the repeition of "touched you" - that the letters are so close because they are replicating the touch between subject and the speaker, that because of their feelings the two have merged sometimes.

I love the metaphor of "I touched you like endless worship" and I think that image is worth exploring more - > worship doesn't involve touching, unless its the veneration of icons or the eating of communion, both very intimate parts of being joined with the divine.

My one critique is that I don't think the last stanza is very strong? It doesn't evoke new imagery or give a sense of closure or summary of the rest of the poem - I don't think "they have always been for you" tells the reader much more than we've already read. I would recommend thinking that through a bit more and seeing if you can't get another image of coming close to each other like you have in some of the previous stanzas.

This poem is simple but it is effectively written - the formatting feels effortless and I like the choice to leave out punctuation and capitalization to emphasize the barrenness/openness of the words. As you mentioned to Chris, one of the great things about poetry is we can play with tools like punctuation and capitalization to let the words speak even more effectively because poetry isn't bound by the formal rules of prose.

Well written! I look forward to your next piece!

- alliyah

ShapeOfVoid says...

Hi alliyah! Thank you so much for the review!

the font face i chose has certain quirks - and the occasional closeness of a consonant and a vowel is by far my favourite. it just. gives a certain - feeling - you know? i like it. a lot.

touching one like endless worship - meant to imply that the body is a temple; and the narrator devout in his religion. basically, the narrator's touch is like endless worship in the body's temple.

i did think that the last para's a bit weak - i'm terrible at ending poems (and stories) so i rushed through it, not wanting it to get too long. i'll come back to it when i'm editing the poem i guess.

anyway. thank you for reading! i'm glad you liked the poem :)

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37 Reviews

Points: 2848
Reviews: 37

Sun Mar 08, 2020 9:07 am
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ChrisDixon wrote a review...

Hey hiraeth. I am here for a short review.

I like the font style and formation of this poem. And how you use "re" not to repeat the same words again.

1) The 'i' that repersense you, or the person who is telling needs to be capitalize.

2)Some parts in the poetry has words thats over each other. Maybe it's beacasue of the font?
I suggest you fix those two. So far from my review, I think you are the person who has the least mistake. Congrat!

Thank you

Keep on writing!


ShapeOfVoid says...

Hi Chris! Thank you for your review. I kinda ditched capitalization and punctuation in this poem, as you've noticed - it's a new style I'm adapting. Poetry doesn't really follow rules of grammar and all that, it's not very vital - I think there are a few articles in the forum section about that? Anyway, so, yeah, writing 'i' was intentional.

And the overlapping of the letters was a font trait that I liked very much, it was pretty much the point of choosing that particular font face. I like the way it looks, ya know?

So anyway, thank you for your review! And a late welcome to yws!

ChrisDixon says...

Thank you for explaining and welcoming. I didn't know that was intensional. Seeing know it's looks really cool. Anyway thank you for letting me know.
How did you make the fonts like that? It's so cool. Can you over lap letter in YWS?

Thank you again for welcoming and explaining.
>Chris Dixon

ShapeOfVoid says...

Well, YWS doesn't really come with many formatting options - so I wrote the poem in MS Word with the font face 'HoloLens MDL2 Assets'. And then I took a screenshot of it and posted the image in here.

ChrisDixon says...

Oh, Wow! I didn't know if that kind of thing is possible.

ShapeOfVoid says...

<3 i'd love to help you out sometime :) just send me a private message anytime you want.

ChrisDixon says...

Thank you

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31 Reviews

Points: 3110
Reviews: 31

Thu Mar 05, 2020 9:05 pm
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SnowGhost says...

This is a great poem hiraeth! I both really like the fromatting and font style you chose, as well as the poetically repetitive style of the poem. I especially love the second and fourth stanzas, they're very well written and impactful. Thank you for a great read. :)

ShapeOfVoid says...


Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain.
— Joseph Campbell