Young Writers Society

Hey! This wasa really beautiful poem and the background picture was great too. The lucidity of this poem was remarkable. Some phrases- extraordinary. You did a fantastic job!!

I was a glass of water
filled to the brim
when I fell I shattered
in pieces did I sink.

I am a million little shards
Constellations beneath your feet
And I'm broken, but I'm sharp
And I can still make you bleed.

I know it’s been some time since then came out.. but I’m here anyways, so let’s begin for the review. My first impression on your poem was, of course, the beauty of the background picture. It sets the tone.. it conveys the mood.. it really does fit. I mean, yeah, the title is broken glass.. but this background picture still is gorgeous. A nice choice of yours really.
Since the very beginning of your poem, I was literally sucked in. Your poem is formidable at conveying that sense of dread and cunningness and yet sadness at the same time. I love how you start with (I WAS a glass of water.) it gives us this impression that that person is not the same. The last stanza is my favorite (duh) because it makes you tHinK. Not too much to give you a tumor and not too little to make you frown in disbelief- the fact people are even sharper shards when broken, something I myself often refer to; is absolutely impressive- definitely the way you kept it a sort of twist until the end. (Bleed) is kind of a strong word, instead of hurt or suffer or pain or anything *secondary* you use bleed. A simple word, but it really gives us the nice feeling. I definitely love the (I am a million little shards/ constellations beneath your feet) constellations is a fAnTaStIc words to describe shards of glass. I love this kind of evolution from simplistic to unloved to-what people call *the period where you get either a beautiful heart or become heartless*- to downright evil. But is it evil then..?
Again, I love this poem

It's a beautiful poem and touches my heart. Have a good day.

This is a very touching poem... at the beginning, in the first paragraph, I wasn't sure how I felt about it. I was wondering "Where's the author going with this metaphor?" and "Will they make it work in the end?" but then you pulled it together. The piece where you compared yourself to constellations was touching... the last two lines made me hole my breath. My favorite part was definitely the end. I think that the fourth line: "in pieces did i sink" is a bit clunky, and throws off the rhythm of the poem. Everything else is wonderful.

Hello dear friend!
I'm here to give you a review. Lets get started! The first thing I thiught when I first read this was... Wow. This is incredible! I love that last part very much:

"i'm broken, but i'm sharp
and i can still make you bleed."

This is so great! I love the words. Especially the way you used "constellations". I love it! Also, there are a few places where I would suggest putting commas and periods. Here, I'll just put the entire thing there and in the brackets, I'll put the suggested commas and periods. Alright.

"i was a glass of water(,)
filled to the brim(.)
when i fell(,) i shattered
in pieces did i sink.

i am a million little shards(;) [I think this semi colon would be added here, but if not, then definitely a comma]
constellations beneath your feet(,)
and i'm broken, but i'm sharp(,)
and i can still make you bleed."

Okay, so that's it! Hope this helped. And if it didn't... Uh, I guess you can ignore it. Lol. Bye for now! Hope to see more of your work around.

---Butterfly---