cinderella and her lies
-0-
you are watching over my coffin
like vultures to carrion
but i was too sad to carry on
so i guess this should be "el fin"
-1-
yet i look longingly down from a higher place
it might be heaven
but it is the end
unless i shall go somewhere outside of space
-2-
it would take bytes upon bytes
to redownload my mind
because i was always lagging behind
wasting my days- wait, no, my nights
-3-
notice how my heart is at a slant
teetered, tottered, askew
but you could never know, i would have never asked you
i guess this why there's a mob with a chant
-4-
so this is that part where you bid me adieu
the part where my coffin guets buried
because there is no story to read
it was almost like i never had you.
-5-
12 strikes of the bell
midnight is absurd
my arise is unheard
i guess this is the 8th ring of hell
-end-
so scenery and pretty trees
they always fled like fallacies
so now i'm filled with uncertainty
was i ever really truly free?
expectations i live down
lead me astray
somewhere i can cry
somewhere i can't be ridiculed
somewhere i am finally free
somewhere my actions have no ultirior motive
some
where
i
do
not
have
to
tread
with
c a u t i o n
every time
i speak
(eggshells? legos? glass?
i do not know what i am stepping on)
worship and it's effects
i whisper
your name
like a fordbidden word
i scream
my name
like a foolish swear
but we're the same, no?
so why is your name holy
and mine a sin?
i am < the cruel fate i have been bestowed
i ≠ punctuation or #s
(@ some point you must realize so)
[bracket brace for impact]
colon : smiles made with half of a whisper )
slash / and divide ÷ & dice into
a % of a fraction
of my ♡
and i ask ? and yell ! and pause , and will end .
more and less > < to revise *
and fill in _ th@ you have grown ×
but somehow are still ≠, never =
putting price$ on everything
crunching numbers #
must be hard
why don't you shorten ' and pause -
and connect ;
instead of hurting?
that way you'd be less lonely
and not a {code} in a machine
i will/was/am
you
gave
me
your
hand
but
now
i hold
your burdens
small regrets
that you
said belonged
to me
i dropped the
solemn friendship that
was filled with
your perfect lies
like a macaron
and i walked into
another trap you made
the one where everyone
turned their back to
your painfully disgusting lies
or is it a fallacy?
homophones
i heard that you took the fare
you stole not only money
but hearts
that isn't very fair, is it
and the next day
i saw you there
you were saying
it was meant to be theirs
yet you knew that was a lie
doesn't that haunt you?
can't it make you hurt?
does it daunt you in bed while you lie?
somehow you said
i wasn't meant to be here
don't you know?
i will always hear.
i always regretted not saying no
but i think that it's unfair
because you always know
shackles known as life
life
death
rebirth
repeat
life
death
rebi{ntervention}rth
end cycle
error code
⊥n0 3W ⊥3ㄱ
confines == death
corrections == confines
confines = recollection
recollection pains me
recollection ≠ hope
hope = despair
forever
forever
shut down
error
1 4M G0N3 (F0R3V3R & 3V3R)
black catnip poetry (herb + ellie)
i am too tired
to do anything
that feels meaningful
that would be menial
that should seem magical
my life is flourishing
or failing
or flailing
i am unsure
i am too sorry
to say anything
that speaks for me
that works to please
because i am too tired
to be anything
(and i might die,
but my casket is unseen)
words
es cape
lands cape
one is a desire
one is a place
mis pell
ex pell
one is simply a mistake
the other not so much
compreh end
appreh end
all things will come to an end
life,
liberty,
longevity
they all are not
infinite
they are completely
finite
(and in finite things,
you'll find they are not fine)
minty herb mix poem
cruel beings
you look down on me
and then bring me at crossroads
÷ of the mind
with < than or > than
and × = + or ^ ≠ %
angles, tri angles, vertical angles
polygons, penta gons, dodeca gons
and yet
math == life?
math == death?
i do not know
but
code is like math
orderly,
known,
familiar.
each () {} [] has a partner and a place
but there are only conditionals, loops, methods:
one path;
no crossroads.
(i wonder. did the chicken cross the road
to avoid the cruelty of choice?)
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Heyo! Just dropping by to leave a short review. All of your poems were amazingly written, but I’ll only review two of them as…it’s a lot.
expectations i live down
First Impressions + What I Liked
From the first line, it immediately caught my attention. “lead me astray” gives the idea of going off the “correct” path, but you immediately follow it up with
Which makes me feel like the “correct” path isn’t actually all that nice, and it feels like the speaker has to do something unconventional to get the freedom they desire. (Or am I looking into it too much?) Also the line “somewhere my actions have no ulterior (slight typo there) motive” is simply perfect, as people will find convulted reasons on how your actions are secretly evil.
Either way, it conveys that feeling of being trapped by the standards of society. You don’t truly know what they want, and you have to overthink everything you do. My favourite part was
as it takes the idea of walking on eggshells and changes it to stepping on something that causes pain, something that can cut and hurt you. And the speaker doesn’t truly know what they’re going to walk on the next time they take a step, further showing that idea of unpredictability and people’s ability to change on a whim.
Areas for Improvement
Honestly, your poems are spectacular. Apart from the typo I mentioned earlier, I have absolutely nothing to improve on for this one and I mean it.
words
First Impressions + What I Liked
I love the idea of comparing these kinds of words, it just feels so unique. Despite them having the same endings, they mean completely different things, as outlined in your poem. The contrast in ideas was beautifully done (a desire in your mind vs concrete reality, accidental vs purposeful, and we all die in the end) It felt vague in a good way, like it’s telling a story through different words.
I don’t know if this is correct, but it kind of feels like the speaker wanted to escape to a new place but made a mistake (mispelled their name maybe?) and got kicked out of some organisation, and then they realised the truth of this world and got arrested somehow? (Feel free to ignore if this makes zero sense, by the way)
The last part of your poem sounded very…melancholic. When you realise that nothing lasts forever, you feel sad. It gives the idea that the speaker is saying this, captured somewhere and had their freedom (i.e. liberty) taken away from them. And not only that, these supposedly good things aren’t as nice as they seem. Life sucks sometimes, liberty can lead to chaos if not managed properly, and longevity is not what it’s cracked out to be.
Areas for Improvement
Beautifully written like the last one. Content-wise, I have nothing here.
I understand if you wanted to keep the same ending of “pell” for both words, but “expell” might not be the correct spelling. Just pointing that out. If it was intentional, do carry on.
Overall Thoughts
Wonderfully written poems that feel so emotional and raw. I apologise if this review felt poorly written, as it was made from the rambles of my tired brain. Your poerty is as great as ever! (As in it’s very great)
Keep writing, and remember to take breaks when needed. Have a nice day/night/ you’re not sure as it’s sunset or sunrise??
I’ll stop now.
Cheers,
Horizon
Hello Herbie! I cannot believe that this wonderful poetry collection does not have reviews yet!! I am going to review the 'black catnip poetry' poem since... it uses a couple of my lines!! Let's get right into it:
The meaningful to Menial to Magical transition was pretty cool. I like how there are no periods or commas in this section and it feels very flow, like a train of thought. I notice that you continue these word transitions throughout this poem, which was an interesting format to follow. I like the additional depth that each word carries, like adding another level of complexity to a racing mind.
Here we have flourishing to failing to flailing, which continues with being unsure. This adds a level of confusion to this racing mind. sometimes emotion are really confusing and this poem really captures that feeling, in my opinion, of being so overwhelmed by so many separate problems that you cannot even describe how you feel.
And we really see more of that idea in your closing lines:
You quite the beginning again here. A full circle. A stream of consciousness that has returned to a previous thought. This poem feels very free style. I liked the message and depth that it contains. Overall, great job, Herb!
Your friend,
Ellie