Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language.
“It was our destiny from the start to slaughter those who had disobeyed the demigods, but now we slay for the protection of ourselves? This world was born to be the start of life and peace, but combusted into a bottomless pit of war and lies… explain this to me. Explain why us! Why have we been created?! Why witches had been born!?” Castell Leaned forward snatching Victor by the collar. “And maybe I’ll calm down.”
The living area was cold and black, the only light illuminating the room was the open fire that burned. Books filled every corner of the room giving it a scent of old must, and ink. There was not a window in sight, only a door that was locked behind them both; Victor and Castell.
Victor held his breath. “I realize you’re pissed off at me for losing our hunt, but it’s a simple mistake.”
“My hunt Victor, you lost my hunt. The hunt I was supposed to torture, kill, and burn.” Castell released Victor from his grip and slumped onto the sofa.
“You notice that I’m pissed off, but you never realize why. It took ages to hide, to search, to hunt, to protect this clan and you blew it. You don’t realize that this “simple mistake” will cost us our very lives. You don’t realize…” Castell grasped one of the bottles of Rum and imbibed it dry. “You don’t realize that they know who we, and where we are now.”
Victor rubbed the palm of his hand, feeling a bit concerned. “I-I don’t understand what you want me to do Castell.”
Castell Chuckled hoarsely as he drank another bottle of Rum. “Were brothers in blood, but were not at heart.” He examined the bottle, and nodded slightly as if he approved of the luscious bitterness. Castell then crushed the empty bottle with his bare hands; letting the shattered pieces fall beneath him. “Explain to me how we’ll survive now brother.”
Castell gave Victor one last glare, and finally unlocked the door exiting the room. As light flooded the room; revealing the walls with vulgar paintings, the room became much warmer than how Victor remembered a few minutes ago.
After Castell left in silence, Victor knelled before the shards of glass and touched them with the tip of his fingers, releasing powerful energy that would eventually disintegrate the jagged pieces. Ever so slowly the wisp of light gently caressed around his fingertips, giving them an indulgent glow. As the light transcended towards the sharp fragments of glass, the power had died. Victor frowned in disgrace.
“I’m pathetic.” Victor whispered harshly. “But soon things will change.”
He picked up the pieces hastily, slightly slitting open his finger. Victor scrutinized the trail of blood that gleamed so contently.
“I wonder why such crimson fluid forces Castell to go insane.” Victor whispered, taking a whiff of its scent then licked it clean from his wounded finger. “It taste like metal, I-it’s revolting.” As he was about to spit out the metallic flavor, there was a ring then a knock.
“Company?” Victor stood up and threw the fragments into the fireplace, sauntering towards the front door.
Victor opened the door slightly, his eyes met a girls.
She was about fifteen; a year younger than he. She had jet-black hair that tumbled down in small waves, kissing the side of her thighs, making her skin pale as frost. The girl also had invigorating eyes that beamed of grassy-green. She smiled at Victor.
“Greetings.” Victor bowed slightly in a proper manner. The young girl stared at the boy arching a brow.
“You’re weird.” She giggled.
Victor coughed faintly in humiliation. “My name is Victor, and you are?” He held out his hands to carry her luggage.
“Oh I’m so sorry” The girl dropped all her bags onto the ground, and took him by the hand, shaking it firmly. “I’m Lucille, I was sent here by my parent’s will… see!” Lucille set his hands free, fumbling through her pockets. “Ah there you are!” She smiled endearingly and handed him the will.
Victor took the ragged piece of paper, and examined it tensely. Few minutes had passed and he gazed up at her smiling oddly. “Well nice to finally meet you… Lucille.” Victor picked up Lucille’s luggage and led her inside with a warm smile. He shut the door behind them.
Lucille was astonished with the size of the mansion, and its Gothic architecture. Its every wall was exposed, beautifully decorated with paintings that seemed to portray hell. Demons devouring men, raping women, birthing creatures Lucille couldn't possibly describe. Her eyes widened as the paintings intensified around her, each row of these paintings seemed to be telling a story, a horrifying story that Lucille didn't understand. She spun around to face Victor, he was watching her from behind. He set down the luggage and sauntered towards her, thrusting the paper into his pocket.
Lucille scanned him completely. Victor, wore a black Hire Frock coat on top of a white poet shirt that fitted perfectly with his lean body, and black slacks, he was a tad bit taller than she, and his eyes were the color of golden honey. Lucille frowned, wondering why she wasn’t at all attracted to him. Oh god, what if I’m one of those ladies that are going to “marry” cats? She thought.
"What is all this stuff?" Lucille questioned, pointing at the framed pictures, trying to clear her thoughts.
Victor strolled around her smiling, as he stared at each photo. "Why those are paintings, my dear." He chuckled.
Lucille frowned. "Well I know that. What I want to know is, what is the meaning for all these paintings? Is it to frighten guest away?"
"People don't come here, you can say they don't know we exist." Victor straightened one of the uneven paintings, his blissful expression fading.
Lucille studied him bewildered, but she didn't dare question him again.
Just as Lucille was about to explore deeper within the mansion, one of the paintings caught her eye. It was a woman she saw that captured her attention. The lady had dark chocolate colored waves that cascaded over her shoulders, her irises were outlined by a thick, black halo, which exaggerated her gold honey-like eyes, shaded by her long dark lashes. She was beautiful. Behind her were swarms of men, who seemed to be worshiping and desiring her beauty, but there was something else that made this woman peculiar, so strange it nearly frightened Lucille. Her eyes, it's her eyes. She thought. Lucille examined the gold irises much closer, the sight of them chilled her bones to the core. There was a reflection, a reflection of Hell in her eyes. You could see the flames roar through earth's lips, ripping apart its flesh, and within those flames, there was a man engulfed by the flaming tongue. The man had no eyes; so it seemed, but he was staring at her, and the worst part of it all, it was like he was staring at Lucille as well. The painting was so alive.
Lucille reached for the painting nearly touching the texture with her fingertips.
Victor grasp her wrist. "Your bedroom." He said with a steady voice.
Lucille looked away from the painting not knowing what had happened, and smiled slightly. "Right. Lead the way."
Victor released her. "As you wish." And so he did.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,814 Reviews
Hiya Bassy
Even though you mentioned this was going out of your comfort zone what with the romantic theme that's coming and the plot itself, you really reformed it so that you could still write comfortably. Sometimes writers (including me, unfortunately) find it hard to write about something that doesn't interest them, or goes out of their 'Zone'; amazingly, I couldn't tell! 
If you hadn't told me, I wouldn't have been able to tell by looking at your writing that you didn't particularly enjoy the story behind it. That's hard to do, so great job! *high-fives*
Your writing had already sucked me into the story, but by that point, I think I drowned. In a good way. Even though that sounds weird and bad at the same time in a way that makes it nearly impossible for it to sound good... but it is XD
haha, I looked at the other reviews, and everyone thought that the age seemed off. For some reason, the way they talk makes me think of the old-old-time way of talking. Back then, children would talk [a lot] more professionally than they do now at a similar age, simply because the strict idea of 'proper speaking' was far more enforced and desired. Or maybe it's just because I'm used to writing about kids that act more mature than their age calls for... Anyways!!
I'll review the next chapter as soon as I can. I'm sure it's just as good as this one 
*gives two thumbs up* Awesome!
As promised, I am here to review for you! (by the way, this is a lot better than you were letting on XD I love your writing style!)
Okay, I'll do nitpicks first...
Here "“My hunt Victor, you lost my hunt. The hunt I was supposed to torture, kill, and burn.” Castell released Victor from his grip and slumped onto the sofa.", Castell is talking (I love that name!), then you start a new paragraph and Castell is still talking. This threw me off at first, but that's pretty much it. Once I realized he was still talking, I was fine.
"The young girl stared at the boy arching a brow." <--- you might want to put a comma between 'boy' and 'arching'; without it, it seems like Victor is arching his brow (if he is, ignore this), but I was thinking maybe you meant the girl was arching a brow. I wasn't sure, so I wanted to mention that.
Last thing: "Victor, wore a black Hire Frock coat" I don't think you need a comma after Victor... I don't think you do... *tries to remember grammar lessons from years and years ago* I'd have to recheck XD
That was about it with nitpicks... I couldn't find anything else to fix. Yay! Now for the fun part.
This is actually really good
The part where you described the painting with the woman... that was so awesome! It sent shivers down my spine, and I'm pretty sure I didn't blink at all while reading it [probably not healthy]
I also love your imagery!
And... on a side note, though the characters would fit as teens or very young adults, for some reason, I can picture them as children. Is that bad?
Great job overall, Bassy! I know I said this, but your writing style is amazing... pulls me right in!
Haha drowning! XD This review made my day a lot better, but i' glad you liked it, and yeah the romantic stuff will begin soon, (soooooo awkward XD), oh and I totally agree with you on the characters being children, at first there age was very young, but since I had so many people say it was odd for young people to speak mature, I changed it since that also made since, so I kept the age young but not tooooo young.
Well thanks for taking the time to read this it means a lot, and I'll get on with my edits! 
Rock on Sherri and stay awesome! 8D
After reading other reviews, I've noticed other people were also confused with the age of the characters. The way Victor speaks doesn't sound like how a child would speak. I also thought they were either in their late teens or adults.
“I wonder why such crimson fluid forces Castell to go insane.” Victor took a whiff of its scent then licked it clean from his wounded finger. “It taste like metal, I-it’s revolting.” <- Is Victor actually saying this or thinking it? If he is thinking it, it needs to be clearer.
I know this is just a prologue so not everything is going to be very clear, but I feel like maybe some setting would be useful as I have no idea where all of this is taking place. The past? The future? Another world? Maybe start with setting up the scene instead of jumping right into a conversation. Because all I could picture was a room with a sofa.
Your writing style is good and this prologue has me intrigued and asking questions.
Good start
Thanks I already started fixing it
Hello there!
I really like your writing! The dialogues are easy to follow and interesting. But I felt like doing a review about it, so here you go. Hope I'm not to bitchy or something
"Castell Chuckled hoarsely as he drank another bottle of Rum" I don't think "Chuckled" really needs a capital here.
“Explain to me how we’ll survive now brother.” Personally, I'd put a comma after now, since Castell is addressing his brother.
Now, I'm really into the story, it reminded me a bit of Jennifer L. Armentrouts writing style. I think you've got something here. My only remark is that the charatcers are so young. Castell is giving this sermon in the beginning and I'd assumed he was in his late teens. Maybe change their ages a bit? (Unless it's important to the story, of course). You also mention slaughtering those who disobeyed the demigods, I just think it a bit weird for such young children to go kill them.
A big plus: You're characters are so real! We're only at the prologue and I can already distinguish their different personalities! Really: good job.
So, I hope my comments could be helpful. Keep writing on this story, it's going to be great!
Thank you and I'm glad you enjoyed, and don't I was planning to change the age to the late teens it just didn't make since for them to be so young. Thanks again!
Hello! I'm just going to leave you a review.
I think triSARAHtops already gave most of the technical issues on your work, though I'd like to add one more. In this line, "After Castell left in silence, Victor knelled before the shards of glass and touched them with the tip of his fingers, releasing powerful energy that would eventually disintegrate the jagged pieces." you accidentally wrote "knelled" instead of "knelt" as knelled has a different meaning to what I think you mean to say. As for general criticism, I was also surprised to find out that Victor was only eight years old - I honestly thought he was a young adult or teenager, based from how Castell talked to him. I wish you gave more hints that he was still very young. That's all for the issues part.
Now, what I liked is how this is an interesting way to introduce your cast. I could see how Castell reacts when faced with a situation and how Victor is significantly different from his older brother. As for Lucille, she seems like a bouncy child. I wonder how she and Victor would interact with each other in the future as well as how Castell would handle the both them. Overall, I think this is a pretty good opening to your novel - you just need to polish up a bit here and there to make it stand out a bit more. Good luck!
Thanks for the advice it's very helpful. I've been wanting to change Victor into maybe a teen, but a friend wants me to keep it this way. She only told me a few scenes she dreamed about, and wanted me to write a book with no story line, so I had to create a plot by myself. The confusing part is she wants Victor to be 8 and Luce 7, Castell is way older than that, but once Victor turns 18 he will stop growing (for a reason) I just don't know how I can write it the way I want to write Without her feeling so threatened? She's more into twilight and I'm more into dark crazy stuff. What do you think I should do? (sorry for the long message)
Do you think both of you can reach some sort of compromise? I mean, if both of you want different things and you feel torn about it, then maybe the story suffer because of it. Try talking it through. If that doesn't work, then maybe go for the path which seems to make more sense. Well, that's just my thoughts anyway.
Thanks once again for the advice. I'll try doing that, she can be a bit stubborn, and over dramatic with her girly fits XD, but we'll see what happens. *Wears protective armor*
No problem and good luck! Hope the armor can keep you safe.
Ha ha thanks, I hope so too XD
Hi there! How's about a review?
You're off to a pretty good start. You've introduced some characters and a situation, both of which look interesting, and I'd be interested to see where you take this from here.
I'll start with the technical stuff, then I'll go onto some more general comments.
Probably just a typo, but 'leaned' doesn't need a capital letter. The main reason I point this out is because having an exclamation point and a question mark together generally doesn't look very slick or professional. A better way to emphasise a question and show emotions is to put it in italics.
You don't need to start a new paragraph here, because it's still Castell talking. Unless I'm wrong, in that case you need to make it clear who IS talking.
Because you're saying the contracted version of we are, you need the apostrophe in 'we're'.
Although I guess that you make it clear in this sentence that Castell leaves, it didn't quite work, because the reader doesn't actually get told that he performs the action of leaving, if that makes sense. All you need to say is something like 'he stormed out of the room' at the end off the previous chapter. Because right now, it's a bit like 'hang on, since when did he leave?' for the reader.
Generally, your dialogue punctuation's pretty good, so I won't lecture you too much about it, but in this case you should have a comma at the end of 'pathetic', rather than a full stop, because it's followed by speaker's tags (whispered). When the dialogue is followed by something not directly describing the talking is when you use a full stop. YWS has a great tutorial on the ins and outs of dialogue punctuation, and if you'd like me to link you to it let me know.
Up until this point, I'd assumed Victor was in his teens, at the youngest. As a general rule, eight-year-olds don't talk like he does in this piece, especially with his vocab, including the swearing. The chapter reads as though it's tending towards his point of view, and there's a lot of sophisticated vocabulary that made the statement that he's only eight seem pretty unbelievable. Yes, he can be advanced for his age, but you've still got to give the reader clues.
You had a few other grammar errors, which I won't point out because I figure either you'll be able to spot them when you read through or another reviewer will.
My main suggestion would be to just add some more depth and detail to this piece. It seems pretty interesting, but I feel like it's a little sparse on the detail. Describe the setting, describe Victor's emotions, give more information about the magic. We don't have to know everything yet, but we need to know a little more.
I liked the dialogue between Victor and Lucille at the end. I think it was much more natural than that of Castell. You ended at a good point plot wise, however I feel you could have come up with a stronger finishing sentence.
Any questions, let me know!
Thanks you for the advice it was really helpful! C: Especially to emphasis a question with italics was a great tip, I didn't even know that! I also noticed that it seems a bit empty and fast paced, but I'll fix that to make it a bit more professional, An I'll fix my other grammatical mistakes. Thank you so much!