Cinderella fled the house, the rags that had just been a party dress fluttering at every step. She collapsed in the garden, her arms on a stone bench with her head buried in them and wept. And then—a flash of light! She lifted her head to see—
Me, lighting a cigar. What, fairy godmothers can’t enjoy a smoke now and then? Anyway, it was Cuban; you don’t waste those. The girl blinked once or twice, and I saw that she was actually pretty, in that soft golden hair, big blue eyes, round red lips kind of way. I got the feeling she had been expecting something else, so I took one last drag on the cigar and let it vanish.
“Ahem,” I said.
“Who are you?” she said.
I looked down at myself. Yep, poofy blue dress, wand, even the darned little wings were all in place. How hard was this to figure out? “Your fairy godmother,” I explained, wondering—not for the first time—how I had ended up with this particular assignment. Oh, I know, I told Maggie I’d cover for her, but I thought she meant the little stuff, morning dew or frost or something like that. There’s a reason Management pulled me off regular human-contact cases, not that I didn’t relish the chance to show them what I could do.
She took in a deep breath and clasped her hands dramatically to her heart. “Oh!” she cried.
I rolled my eyes. Why was it always something like “Oh!” never “Bless you, kind lady,” never “Thank you so very much I hope you didn’t have plans tonight.” Which I did, of course. The girls and I had a poker tournament going, and I had been in the lead until Maggie trumped me last night with a full house (I had a pair of aces, not a bad hand if I do say so myself) and I offered to take her assignment the next night in exchange for still being in the game. So there I stood, uniform and all, wondering how best to deal with the little bit of fairy-tale fluff before me.
“Listen, you want to go to this ball thing, right?” I asked.
“Oh, more than anything in the world,” she breathed.
I gave a humph sound. What I wanted more than anything in the world was to get in on the game before Janice got too drunk to deal. I examined the situation. “We’ll need transportation,” I said, thinking aloud.
“But my stepmother and stepsisters have taken the coach already,” she explained.
There were tears glistening in those exquisite blue eyes, but I could see she was trying her hardest to hold them back, so I said, as kindly as I could, “No worries there. Got a pumpkin?” I normally prefer watermelons for such jobs, but this wasn’t the right time of year for them and probably not even the right hemisphere.
“Oh, yes!” She dashed off, quick as you like, and I gave a little approving smile. At least this one might not be totally useless. I would still be the one doing all the hard work here, but at least she would have the satisfaction of knowing that on this, the most important night of her life, she had at least fetched the pumpkin.
She was soon back, rolling the lumpy orange vegetable along—she couldn’t even lift the thing! It was a bit smaller than I would have liked, but I rolled up my sleeves and put a little extra effort into making the wheels fancy, just because it was her. Not that I’m going soft, you understand, but it doesn’t hurt—much—to be a little nice now and then. I stopped short of changing the color—the mental image of that exquisite creature surrounded by vibrant, nauseating pumpkin orange was too delicious a vision to resist.
Next, for horses, I used four mice—another difficult one, but I knew Management would get a report, so I thought it wouldn’t be a bad thing to show off a little. I was top of my class in transformation, you know. Okay, third in my class, but who’s counting? I used the dog for a footman (dogs are seldom useful for much else, even when you make them human) and the skinny old nag in the barn for a coachman (who better than a horse to know how to handle a coach?). Now, you understand that after a sum total of seven transformations, two of them involving the temporary creation of humans, I might have been a bit tired. But does little Cinder-what’s-her-name give me a moment of rest? Of course not.
“Oh, but my dress,” she said, holding the rags and looking pathetic.
“You are the epitome of what is currently considered perfect physical beauty!” I wanted to shout at her. I didn’t think this prince of hers would care much if she arrived in a flour sack—so long as it was still blonde, blue-eyed beauty underneath. And girls like this think they need our help? But I worked the spell anyway (clothes are ever so much easier) and there she stood, pretty as a…well, as a fairy tale in a glittering, pale blue dress that matched her eyes perfectly. And just to stick it to the Management, I made the shoes of glass. Let’s see Maggie try that one.
I bustled her into the coach—I was right, the orange did look deliciously disgusting surrounding her sparkly, beaming self—rattled off the rules (back by last stroke of midnight, everything will revert, blah blah blah), and gave one of the horses a slap on the rump to get the whole thing moving. I watched the carriage rattle off into the night for a minute, allowing myself to imagine what the girl must have been imagining—dreams of princes and castles and happily-ever-afters.
I sighed. None of them ever figured it out. It took so much more than a pretty dress and some magic to make something like that work out. It was a rare “Prince Charming” who turned out as wonderful as his name implied, and I wouldn’t have been surprised if the pitiful thing in the glass shoes would need our help again someday, this time abandoned, not by an evil stepfamily, but the one who was supposed to protect her. Thinking for the hundredth time that night how glad I was not to be human, I gave my wand a flick and sent myself back to my warm parlor and the lively poker game.
Never did hear how her story turned out.
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140,534 Literary Works • 673,403 Reviews
Ummm...hello then. Wow...I wrote this story a year ago for a class I aced, and while I'm really glad everyone's enjoyed it, it's not really going anywhere, at least not for now. If it does, I'll definitely come back and take all your wonderful advice into account. Thank you all, truly, if only for inflating my ego something fierce.
If there's anyone intent on giving me a hand with something a little more recent, the two top stories in my featured works could always use a hand, and if there's anything you guys need a hand on yourselves, well just let me know.
But for now :locked:.
I liked the idea; it was cute to think there were multiple fairy godmothers who played poker.
One thing I wasn't clear on is the part where she had rags that used to be a party dress. It took me a while to think of what was going on, because I assumed you had skipped ahead in the story or something.
Another rough part was when the godmother wanted to say, "You are the epitome of..."
Well, this is kind of a rough-around-the-edges lady, correct? I mean, she plays poker every night with her girls and smokes Cuban cigars. You've been going for an edgy personality (as far as I can tell), and then you throw in this physcological talk, and it throws off the 'look' as in character-wise.
I liked the dialogue, especially of Cinder-whats her name (that cracks me up!). Also, you did a good job describing the godmother's hate towards management and really playing that up.
If you're entering this for a contest or a grade, may I suggest that you title it something more original than "Cinderella Parody?" If you are, good luck!
Late to critique as ever, I don't think there's really anything I can say about this that hasn't been said before. So, to repeat the rest: I thought this was hysterically funny. I would like the story of Cinderella about a billion times better if the Fairy Godmother was actually like that. XD
These sentences made me stumble a bit, possibly because they both end with "out."
Other than that I can't think of a thing to criticize. True brilliance, here. Excuse me while I die of laughter now. XDD
Awwww man, I came too late for the cookies.
That was really good though. The actual Cinderella is really boring now, but this new twist is hilarious, you've just made a Cinderella even teens will enjoy. I love the godmother's personality. I agree though, you should make Cindy talk more. Other than that, really good job. Definitely keep writing, you've got a future in comedy.
I'd expand on the imagery here.
I don't like the repetition of 'said' here. Maybe describe how Cindy looks, and say 'asked?'
I love this!
Should be: Why was it always something like 'oh?' Never 'bless you, kind lady!' Never 'thank you so very much; I hope you didn't have plans tonight!'
I really didn't like the italicized part...
Very long - maybe split it up a bit?
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I absolutely loved this! You gave the godmother such a great personality, and everything was expressed so perfectly. You could use with a bit more showing of what's around them, but the godmother's voice more than made up for it.
*Gold star*
~JFW1415
I've seen lots of parodies on Cinderella berfore, but none like this. It has a really original basis and I thought it was very enteraining. Just one thing, it didn't say why the godmother had to cover for Maggie. I think you should be more clear on things like that....... (Oh and loved the ending:)
Hi!
Good luck with the contest
Did you know that out of all children's stories, "cinderella" has been remade and rewritten the most? That said, it is pretty hard to make something unique out of it. But, I have to say that you pulled it off pretty well.
Characters are great, but the dialogue could be a little smoother.
Other than that, I think this is one of the better pieces that I've read today, (this is number twenty two) and you are definitely on the right track.
*accepts cookies gleefully*
You're welcome! It was praise well-earned.
*blinks, blinks* Wow, people like my stuff here, apparantly. I shall have to remember that I seem to be good at this...
Thanks to all the wonderful people who have swelled my ego! *hands out cookies*
Had to give my kudos (like many before me) to a quite delightful parody. I was hestitant at first, but, as always, curiosity overcame me, and I just had to read it. I particularily liked the little 'After School Special' type paragraph about the prince and the lil kiddies not understanding what it was all really about. If you dislike the 'A**' *giggle* (that was unintentional, and surprising when I typed it) as I do, (very in your face sometimes) dont be offended, it was a brill touch.
I leave this rant with a congrats and brill work
Rocketation yo.
This was so cute.
) wasn't going to work. The premise for this piece had a lot of potential to come off as hackneyed or trite, but I think you really pulled it off well.
I love how Cinderella is just a perfect, precious, helpless little thing - just like in the regular story - but the fairy godmother is completely different. Having the whole "fairy godmother" business as a corporation was a fun twist, along with the little rivalries between the fairies.
I was worried at first that the fairy godmother as a pipe-smoking, poker-playing "tough guy" with a strange sense of humor (such as enjoying the nasty orange surrounding the girl in the blue dress, though I did like that too
I think the others covered my nitpicks, so the only thing I can really suggest is a different title. I know it was just for a school assignment, but this is a really cute piece, and I think it deserves a title of its own.
Very nice work - thanks for the read!
LOL, this was hilarious. I love your fairy figure, just so perfect. And the way you've characterized the breathy, girly Cinderella: "Oh, more than anything in the world."
You've probably been told this before, but fairy godmother reminds me of the one in Shrek 2, with the calling cards and everything.
Are you entering this in Clau's contest? If so, best of luck to you! It's great!
*runs off chuckling*
Au revoir!
~Madame Kool
Thank you very much for the advice, ducks! *sweeps bow* I'm glad so many people seem to like this! I actually did it for a school assignment awhile back.
I must say I really did enjoy this!
I read it and at first thought it wasn't going to be my kind of thing but it really did grab me after a while.
I love the characterisation of the godmother, really good how she plays poker and was only there because she swapped shifts etc, it worked!
I'd suggest you maybe make Cinders talk more, if you were to change anything, and make her seem more naive - it'd play off well against the fairy godmother's slightly irritable attitude!
Well done,
Joe.
Ah, a charming satire!
Just making a note to you and myself that I've read this.
hahaha, i love it!
you have a way with words!
Yeah, it's like a Jennifer Saunders Fairy Godmother!
Really funny - I love parodies like this!
ROFL! Love that bit!!
Green = Comment/Correction
Black = Review
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‘house’ made me think of her own home, this is meant to be the palace, right? If you keep ‘ran’ in there then ‘fled’ would be ‘fleeing from’.
So, she hasn’t been to the ball yet? I thought she was running away from it because you’d said her dress had ‘just been a party dress’?
*
Apart from the confusion above, I found the godmother reminded me of Shrek 2’s godmother, though I like this one better—she’s fun.
So the godmother covered for Maggie because she wanted to be able to play the next night? I wasn’t very sure about that, or I may have read it wrong.
Good luck with the assigment, Bird.
-- Myth
GYR! This was amazing! I really liked the humorous twist you did to this
It caught my eye because I myself am doing my own twist to Cinderella. Though not from the godmother's point of view.
You don't need "ran" just say that Cinderella fled from the house. It seems redundant otherwise.
This seems a bit long winded, I suggest you compact it to "She collapsed in the garden upon a stone bench with her head in her arms and wept." Just a suggestion.
Those are my only real beefs with it because this piece was so whimsical and fun that I didn't feel like pulling it apart and ruining it for myself.
Congrats on a marvelous little story!
LUNA
*breathes*
I LUUUUUVERED it!!!! It was so funny, and a few times I lol! Cinderella's my fav Disney movie, and this was so cute! Of course, I never did quite imagine the fairy godmother like that, but yeah...
Only one suggestion. Why did Maggie need the narrator to cover? It doesn't state, so maybe you could clear that up...