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Thank you all for your input! Since I'm currently shopping this story around at different literary magazines, I thought it prudent to remove it from this site. I hope you guys will someday get to see it in print!
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140,859 Literary Works • 673,694 Reviews
Hi,
I really liked this story, from what I read.
I hope you post more!
PM me if you need anything!
Love,
N
Revised and updated.
All comments are very much appreciated!
Hi gyrfalcon! I decided to drop in and give your story a friendly review, mostly because you were kind enough to drop in with my story the other day.
The interaction between Antony and Cara was wonderful, the best little bit of back and forth conversation between two complete strangers I have seen.
This was a very delightful story. I liked the description of us Yanks from a British point of view, I found it to be quite hilarious and true.
The only problem I have is that Antony isn't all that likable at the beginning. For a first person narrator, that's probably a bad thing. We need to be able to form a connection with you, to sympathize with him, and it wasn't until the end when Cara kissed him that I felt that sympathetic connection. Of course, that may be intentional on your part. That was the only thing I found to be out of order though. Everything else was quite delightful.
Well, that does it for me. PM me if you have any questions. Great job, and good luck.
-Conrad Rice
Hey dear, Stella here!
I. NITPICKS
They bind them up, or they just wear little shoes?
full stop missing.
If you didn't know, cara is friend in Irish
For, not fore.
...America... doesn't have double decker buses?
No caps, I don't think.
II. BRITPICKS
Basically, some phrases stuck out as very American...
lemon and lime fizzy drinks can. Or something of the sort.
poloneck?
III. ENDING
You say it's based on a true story, but the end's a bit ambiguous. When she says goodbye, ie. the end, does that mean they never see each other again or that that conversation is just over? I'm just curious.
IV. OVERALL
It was an interesting read
Hope I helped, drop me a line if you need anything!
-Stella.