Rex laid in his bed, restless and alone, on a dark and silent night. He tossed and turned in his soda stained bed, trying to find a comfortable spot, but to no luck. Something about tonight didn't seem right. He tossed and turned for a few more minutes, finally finding a comfortable spot. He closed his eyes, but no difference was made. It was too dark in the room to see anything in the first place.
"Guess my eyes have to adjust to the darkness," Rex muttered halfheartedly.
He laid there, still and silent. His body was relaxed, and his mind was empty. He was ready for some much-needed rest, but that was instantly ruined with paranoid thoughts and fear.
Tap, tap, tap.
Rex was certain it was the sound of a fist gently hitting his window. But, it couldn't, could it? If someone wanted to break in, why would they warn him with a knock on the window? They would just break in, right?
"No, think logically. Monsters aren't real," Rex repeated to himself quietly.
He could give himself some peace of mind and just look at the window, but Rex was facing the opposite direction, and he didn't want whatever was making the noise to see him move. Maybe a couple birds flew into the window? Maybe a group of kids were running around late at night, tapping on windows to get a good laugh? Rex chose the second option.
Tap, tap, tap.
No, it couldn't be a group of kids anymore. Why would they stay at the same window this long to just get a reaction? Or maybe, just maybe, a sick twisted freak standing outside, waiting for Rex to look, so he can smash through the window and kill him. But why him?
Tap, tap, tap.
What could that noise be? Why would a serial killer target Rex, out of all people? He mentally slapped himself. He needed to think logically. Monsters aren't real. But if it wasn't a monster or some killer, what could it be? Maybe if he pretended to be asleep, it would go away.
Tap, tap, tap.
There's no hope. Whatever it is, it's going to get in and kill him. Rex took a couple of deep breaths to slow his fast beating heart.
"Just remember, they're outside, I'm inside. Until I hear a shatter, I'm safe," Rex muttered, in a bad attempt to calm himself down.
Tap, tap, tap.
"They're outside, I'm inside. Until I hear a shatter, I'm safe. Just pretend to be asleep and pray it'll go away."
Tap, tap, tap.
Rex started to cry in fear of his life. "They're outside, I'm inside. Until I hear a shatter, I'll be safe."
Tap, tap, tap.
Rex took a few deep breaths, his heart pounding as if he was in a marathon. He slowly turned his head to look at the window. His heart sunk into his stomach, paralyzed with fear. Looking back at him was a pair of beady, small, black eyes that seemed to stare into his soul. The pale figure's face grew a horrid grin.
It was standing inside his room the whole time, tapping on the window.
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hi! My name is Gabi. This is my first review. I really liked this short story and also the cliff hanger at the end but I think the ending could have lead on a little more. You have a very nice way of developing description in your story. Overall, I love Horror, and this is a good story.
Hello, gxldencrxwns! PastelSlushie here for a review! Let's get right into it!
First comment: I have seen the original post of this on another site, Reddit, I believe. If permission was granted, please put the original in the description. Plagiarism isn't very good.
Second comment: For the actual story itself, I like it. But I was a tiny bit bored with it, until Rex started repeating the "I'm inside" thing. It made me feel a tiny spooked, I didn't know what would happen next.
Third comment: The ending left me a little angered. You bring the suspense to the highest point, then you ended it abruptly. The suspense could have gone much more and longer if you continued the story. Like, what does Rex do next? Does the man do anything to Rex? You need to tell your readers this, it's very important.
Fourth comment: While I did like how the man was inside Rex's room the whole time, this is your time to describe the man. Just saying he had pale skin and small black eyes isn't very much. Like, what kind of clothes is he wearing? What do his teeth look like? What does his hair look like? This is your time to let the reader describe the most suspenseful part of the story, the man in the room.
Fifth comment: How DID the man get in the room? You could also put a sentence such as "Rex looked over at the other window in his room, and saw it wide open. How could he leave it unlocked?" See?
Well, this is the end of this review! Sorry for being harsh in anyway. Keep writing!
Pastel
While a very short story is nice and simple, for something like horror, it leaves a bland taste. That's not saying this is bad or anything, but when dealing with something like horror, it's better to extend the story in some way at least.
The apparent problem I have with this work is that the escalation seems both fast and forced. Rex thinks it's kids one second, then a serial killer the next. It's still mainly a problem with short stories, though.
Other than that, your story is still good. There weren't any apparent grammar errors, and it did manage to spook me a little. Leaving the story on a high note was an okay way to end it. I still would have liked to see a bit more of a conclusion though.
This story is so beautiful and quaint and flawless and mysterious and thrilling and...whatever. You get my point? THIS IS ONE AMAZING STORY. I loved it. There was not a single grammatical error here and the story (which already had a fantastic plot) was written well. The title of the story "Tap, tap, tap" complemented it and so did the main line (the one in Italics) repeated every now and then. You were able to portray all the emotions and the things Rex saw and felt so well. This story was an exciting and unique one with all the characteristics a good horror story has- fear, nervousness, uncertainty, mystery and most importantly, visual and auditory details. It was a pleasure to read it. Really gxldencrxwns, with all your creativity and talent, you're going to go a long way ahead. Keep up the good work!!
Wait, that's it? Hey, I'm here to review.
There's nothing much I can say about this story because it's pretty short, but the ending definitely is something to talk about. At one hand, I like the twist, making the ending suspenseful, but at another, I feel like this is the climax phase in the story. What's the resolution? Is the mysterious figure going to kill or eat Rex? Does Rex escape, perhaps? Leaving these questions unanswered might frustrate some readers, especially when you've built the tension and end it with just introducing the figure.
Also, you might do well with more description. As it is, the figure doesn't look horrifying enough. We need more description of his face for example than just it being pale. Also, the setting might use a bit more fleshing out. It would be nice if Rex interact with it, like clutching the blanket closer to himself, or some other things your creative mind can come up with.
That being said, I like this story. It's nice to have an horror one sometimes, and I like the tension you build throughout it, because it definitely gives me the chill as to what might be knocking the window. And since I've been anticipating the revelation, the fact that the ending is let loose doesn't satisfy me. I want to know what happens after that, Keep up the good job!
Okay dokey. I have not reviewed in a good couple months, so forgive my rambling! This will be the first in awhile.
I love this. The reason I love this is because it is such a simple story. It's short, it's basic horror, it takes place in one room with one protagonist and one antagonist (I'm pretty sure we're allowed to call monsters that, but feel free to throw the book at me!). I love it because it's easy to relate to- those nights lying in bed, thinking what is that sound?? OMG I'M GOING TO DIE TONIGHT AREN'T I???!?! And I love it because... well I'll save the best part for the end.
One thing I feel could use some improvement, is sort of the voice of the work. To me it didn't really feel like the horror feel, it felt more like... kind of like it was geared towards a younger audience? I think it's because there were a lot of instances where we were told out right what was happening, rather then being shown. Like it had more of a "The grass was green" feel rather than a "She couldn't decide whether the lawn colour made her want to puke, or eat salad"... rule number one: don't let Holysocks explain imagery, because she sucks at it. But do you sorta get what I mean? Sometimes you gotta be less: "The cat liked raspberries, which was weird." and more: "The kitty purred as she scarfed a bowl of freshly picked raspberries, causing Kyle to frown."
Now, when I was reading this, I was honestly trying to think of a polite way to say this is not scary at ALL BUT THEN I got to the ending. I got to the ending and I freak'n flipped. I kid you not I was whispering OMG, OMG, OMGGGGGGG over and over again, because I totally did not see it coming. I was convinced that the story would end something like... where it was something super silly or ridiculous (like those "horror" stories about smarties or Hawls cough candies. But you totally blew me out of the freak'n water, Ma'am/Sir. So that was honestly my favouritest part of the whole work and I love it.
Keep it up, my friend! C:
-Socks
Thanks for the review!
Hey, I'm not accusing you of anything, but I've read this *exact* same story on another site. Like, word for word. I can't remember what site it was, maybe Reddit, but just so you know I'm telling you. I don't know if you posted this on other sites before this one but I've absolutely read this exact story before, so do with that what you will.
The original was by my friend on Reddit. They gave me permission to put it here.
Ahh. Well, it's a good one. I love horror stories, and short ones like this can sometimes hit chords that novels and longer stories can't.