Dark now
Fading away
You're here
Why?
It's blurry
Pain settles in
Where am I?
Home.
No, that can't be right
Home is where you are happy
I feel distraught
Destroyed
You're hurrying toward me
Each step like booming thunder
You spit out my name
Like I am filth
Closer now
In my face
Nothing I could do
I shoot up in an upright position
Drenched in sweat
Heart rate through the roof
Home, my bed
It was just a dream
A recurring nightmare
It felt like I was there again
I tell myself it's over
I am safe
They can't hurt me here
This is my real home
I won't let myself forget that again.
Fool me once shame on you-
Fool me twice-
Shame on me
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Canary word: Present
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125,803 Literary Works • 672,934 Reviews
wow! beautiful.........i can't believe you're this awesome, I'm the awesome one......OK sorry, I'm getting carried away
hello, I'm bee!
this is a beautiful piece, like the person below said, the setting of the stanzas makes the poem very easy to understand. i also like your use of words, it makes the poem complicated yet easy to understand.
it's also realistic and it was easy getting consumed in the poem. i could feel what the character was feeling.
great job, keep up the good work!
I like how the stanzas were set up, it gave more meaning and felt more descriptive and made it a bit easier to read. The punctuation was way off though. Like, it was there a little in the beginning and then just totally dropped off. I like when poetry doesn't have punctuation and it's totally fine not to but if you are going to have a little bit then you need to have it consistently and correctly. This did have really nice descriptions though. My favorite is probably
You're hurrying toward me
Each step like booming thunder
You spit out my name
Like I am filth
It was very nice and vivid. You have some really creative parts in this so when I saw that you used the common "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me" I was kinda sad because I think you create your own ending to this that would be better and original. It works though but to make this poem stronger I would change it.
Overall this poem had nice description and subject matter, just needs some clarification with the punctuation and a few details here and there to make it even better than it already is.
thank you! I shall take a look.