This is a series of haiku's collected to make an overall poem. It is a first draft and I was trying a different style of writing. Feedback would be appreciated.
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The light is so bright
Glowing from the inside out
So peaceful, serine
It's calling my name
It's whispering promises
It's a safe haven
Worries are little
Graceful singing all around
A feeling of joy
People that love you
No one that you hate is there
A calm sense of love
Want to run away
Go towards the beautiful light
Finally happy
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Canary word: Present
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I don't like individual haikus, but this collection is really something! I like the lack of punctuation, because it brings out the meaning of the individual words and sentences. In the last verse,
"Want to run away
Go towards the beautiful light
Finally happy "
I think the word "go" is a little plain, perhaps "fly" or something similar...
Also the middle line is one more sylible than the other middle lines.
Tiny things. Altogether great!
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!
Hey Faith, Cheetah here to review for you this morning.
This was very enjoyable to read! I loved it! I don't normally review haikus, but these were excellent.
The one thing I saw was in the first haiku.
I believe you meant serene.
I think my favorite stanza is the last one. It has a sense of finality to it that is beautiful
Great job and keep writing!
Hey I really like your poem!! I agree with everything your poem says; how life after death will be like a resting haven . You had very good imagery and descriptive word choice, I can picture everything. I especially like this part,
"The light is so bright
Glowing from the inside out
So peaceful, serine"
This was a very good stanza and your word choice was excellent. Keep writing!!:)
Hello
welcome to yws.
Im not really familiar with haiku, but im willing to review anything. I like this poem and the feeling it gives. You get warmer as you read it. You can see the images you are trying to portray so clearly. Its like a vision of paradise. Good job.
thank you! and a haiku is three lines the first line having 5 syllables the next having 7 and the last three. and thank you very much!