Warning: This work has been rated 18+.

TW: 18+ | Descriptions of Violence | Mature Language
Terra Lorenz, 20 Years Old
President Bordon
Thump, thump, thump. A parade of special agents with the insignia of B.L.A.D.E plastered on their special armor stormed facility 23. They kicked down the door of a room that was labeled “project Tempest”. They began to tear the room inside-out. Flipping over and emptying boxes filled with confidential information. A man walked into the room as if the chaos was a symphony to him. It was President Bordon. His eyes immediately met the eyes of another.
A human who was trapped in a tank, who’d just woken up at the sounds. The first thing his eyes saw was Bordon. Who picked up a letter that lay on the ground in front of the tank. He read it and stuffed it away somewhere else while he approached the tank that was preserving Tempest’s growing body.
“....Tempest. Is that what your name is, son?”
Tempest didn’t answer. Bordon finally reached his tank, their eyes met. Bordon lifted a sword from his side, and with one quick slice, the glass shattered, and Tempest came tumbling out. Bordon helped him stand, and made sure he avoided the glass.
“Come with me, son. Why would someone abandon something as interesting as you?”
________________________________________________________________________
Terra Lorenz, 23 Years Old
“Sir. We’ve uncovered some…disturbing information.” An agent stood next to President Bordon, who was occupied signing a large stack of documents. He sat comfortably in the oval office. The windows seemed to be covered by a large metal barricade. He seemed deep in thought, neglecting to answer until he was finished.
“What is the information? I’m up to my knees in paperwork!”
“It seems like someone found the documents in facility 23 before we were able to present them to Tempest. What must we do about this, sir?”
The paperwork immediately became the lease of his worries. He stood up out of his chair and looked the soldier in the eye. Facility 23 was one of the most protected areas in New York. “You’d better have a signature on who did it. Who uncovered such information?”
“It seems like it was Terra Lorenz. Remember her? She’s coming back to Earth soon.”
“Get all the information about her file together immediately.” Bordon demanded.
________________________________________________________________________
Terra Lorenz
Nobody knows what side made the first move.
In the year 2023, war broke out between two sides. Metas and Mutants, and humans. Metas are humans who were made into mutants, and mutants were born with superpowers. Popular human spokespeople like Simon Akir believe mutants to be akin to carrying things like guns or bombs in public. One wrong move, and they could go off. Mutants could kill normal humans in one go. Only now, anti-mutant equipment was becoming more plentiful and easy to find. All while humans outnumbered mutants by a large margin.
The only thing that was known, both sides were fed up with the abuse.
The first year of the war, Terra Lorenz was taken out of commission by a mysterious figure in a mask while she investigated “Project Tempest”. She was saved by her friends.
Now, three years after the beginning of the war, she gears up to serve once again.
In Olympus, it has long been told by the fates that the events on Earth would be echoed in the gods actions. Ares seemed like he was always in a bad mood. More flippant than ever and in a constant search for power. Poor Athena seemed to be the one who was hit the worst. She’d locked herself away in her quarters for weeks now. As the god who represented the “strategic” side of war, the mere fact of the war being anything but strategic seemed to weigh heavily on her mental state. Ares didn’t seem to care. He was angry, foolhardy, and would laugh about every poor soul who died in the war.
Terra and Delta were sent out to talk to Athena. They’d seemed to have the best relationship with her since they were both inducted as Olympians.
Delta had essentially become Terra’s sister-in-arms. They fought together on Olympus, tasked by Zeus to stop Poseidon, who was planning to rise up against his brother using resources from Earth. They weren’t to leave one-another’s side. The two were bound to grow closer. They eventually gained a mutual respect for one-another. Though, Delta never lost the vicious edge that she always had to her.
Terra’s hair had gotten long, now. So long that she had to tie it back into a large ponytail so it stayed out of her face. Hephaestus had helped her with new and improved armor. She still had a bad habit of leaving some of her body open to physical attacks. Her stomach was always wide open for somebody to stab a sword through (which had happened more times than one). Terra always insisted that her armor had to stay the way it was so she’d be able to comfortably remove and reattach it with the power of Olympus.
As they walked through the clouds, they talked about their plans to finally go back into the war. Terra’d been home, seen her friends, and more. Finally she was in the right shape to get back into the fight. Her armor covered a large scar that had been left in front of her neck. She was rugged, tired, and riddled with scars.
“Didja ever call Tempest again? I thought you were going on that date tomorrow.”
Terra immediately began to stumble over her words. “H-He’s very busy. It’s still not set in stone yet…After all, I wouldn’t even call it a date. He’s so hard to read, y’know?”
Tempest had been quite aloof since they first met. They weren’t able to see each other as often as they hoped due to the war, but the times they fought together were exhilarating. Something about him stood out, as they began to spend more time throughout the war and during her recovery, the more Terra thought she may be falling for him.
Athena’s palace was in disarray when they finally entered. The soldiers that often lined the walls were absent, and the gates had been swung wide open. Athena’s castle looked closer to Victorian architecture than Greek. Her castle stood out as drab and with a basic, washed out color palette. The air felt tight and stuffy when they entered, like nobody's opened a window in a millennium.
“How do we know Athena’s actually here? For all we know she could’ve skipped town.” Delta complained as she slung her arms together and leaned against the wall.
“No…She’s here. I can feel her presence.” Terra insisted.
Her lost master, Zircon’s teachings echoed in her head. Despite being a blind man, he was able to sense the world around him better than anybody, and with no powers, too. Like a wild dog, he could smell something and track a scent for miles. He could sense the presence of his students in the room before they could tell he was there. Terra, nor any other student ever mastered the same technique, but he taught them the basics. Just enough to be aware of your surroundings at all times.
“I smell blood. This way.”
They entered Athena’s keep. Her quarters that nobody was allowed to enter, aside from her servants and Olympian gods. Since Delta and Terra were essentially pseudo-Olympian gods, they did not fear what would happen.
Her keep was like a mix between a giant library and a war generals room. There was a large combat area in the center, surrounded by sky-high shelves of books. The pair shuddered at the run-down look of the place. Books had toppled to the ground, Athena’s desk, sunk in the center wall of the room was a mess of papers.
In the middle stood Athena, flicking her sword clean of blood. Her soldiers were in a circle around her, most of them had been felled, marked by Athena’s sword. One last soldier stood among the crowd, who Athena opted to spare. Her soldiers began to reanimate themselves.
Terra had heard rumors about Athena’s undead soldiers. They would pledge their lives to her for true immortality on the battlefield. None of them could ever be killed in battle. Despite being undead, they looked like any normal human due to the blessings of the war god. She seemed unruly. Her hair down in a mess of blood and anger, her armor chipped and damaged, and her face was twisted in fury.
“Have you two ever heard of the concept of homeostasis? It is the phenomenon where all living beings consistently search for a state of equilibrium. Homeostasis is perfection. Even the Earth searches for this. How can we expect a world of eight-billion to be constantly teetering on chaos?”
“We know you are stressed Athena, we came to talk to you. Please come out of your home to convene with the other Olympians.”
“Olympians search for this same homeostasis, since we’re so attuned to the state of the Earth. She is screaming. Can you not hear her?”
Terra stepped up, playing good-cop. “We’ve come to seek your guidance, Athena. We’re trying to find a way to stop the war. General Grey, the leader of the mutants, was stopped. There’s petitions out there to end the war!”
Athena looked down at Terra in annoyance. She seemed like she was ready to release her stress on the pair. “Kill Simon Akir. Mutants are in disarray. But if Simon is killed, humans will have no leader. I predict that if Simon is executed, humans may be forced to sign the documents in order to end the war. Be prepared for a battle, humans tend to get very irritated when you push them into a corner.”
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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Hello there, human! I'm reviewing using the YWS S'more Method today!
Shalt we commence with the morbid S’more)
Top Graham Cracker - There’s a war with humans, meta humans, and mutants. The gods are affected negatively, especially Athena and Ares, but at least Terra and Delta are going to talk to each other!
Slightly Burnt Marshmallow - In the part where you write about Terra being home, you accidentally wrote a “d” instead of an “s”, but that is just one little thing.
Chocolate Bar - I like that Terra and Delta are on good relations now, they seem like they make good friends. I also like how they were talking to Athena, because it shows that they want the war to end and are willing to do anything to stop it. Another detail I’ve liked was Athena being the most stressed, because she doesn’t want to see war like this!
Closing Graham Cracker - Overall, a great chapter on the effects of war and how the gods will react to it all! I hope that Athena will feel better and that the war won’t continue on, but after seeing the events of the other story, I’m not so sure. However, I have faith in Terra and Delta! I’ll be sure to read the finale and…
I wish you a gorgeous day/night! ^v^
Hello Again, My Friend!
It’s me, Raven, and I’m here to review the next chapter in this great story, using my Familiar method! Let’s dive right in, shall we?
~ A full analysis and breakdown
Alright, here we see quite the timeskip! I very much enjoyed that little glimpse into Tempest's past and what might be shady there, and likewise, wow! The tension here—recapping the war that breaks out in this world, plus showing Terra gearing up for war and addressing the war goddess herself! Let's get into the details though.
Plot and Pacing: Awesome! Very solid—I loved the focus on buildup within this chapter, knowing that the next will be the finale. I can't wait to see how you tie this up, and what the final battle will look like!
Descriptions and Setting: Good, I liked the bonus detail we got on what Olympus looks like here, with them walking on clouds and such. Athena's castle likewise sounds very cool.
Characterization: It's so fitting that this massive war breaks out, and Terra is immediately focused on just ending it—not fighting for one side, the other, or neither, not standing by as an onlooker, just ending it. And I am SO curious if and how joining the fight will change her. Especially with some of the prior context we got in prior stories...
Grammar and Wording: Only a couple of tiny things, which are down in the next section. Overarchingly, looks great!
~ Some nitpicks and little recommendations
Not much to put here at all! Let’s break it down…
A minor typo with "lease" instead of "least" perhaps?
This is especially tiny, just a missing apostrophe in "general's."
That's all! Great writing job ~
~ My reactions, theories, and favorite parts
Oh man, theories...Will Delta turn on Terra at the worst moment? Will Nox join the final fight? Will we see any more familiar faces, and most importantly, will this mission be a success? In what way? So many questions!!!
As for highlights and reactions...
Dang, I know we got context for the experiments and what metas are, but still—seeing the signs of this sort of experimentation, with facilities and people in tubes and such, it gives me goosebumps every time, imagining the kinds of horror this would require...
I was surprised by the big timeskip, and how long Terra's been away from Earth at this point!
I know we already got some of this context, but I also feel like at least some of this is new so—love this pretext to the war! Especially what sort of "factions" have arisen, their advantages/disadvantages, and their reasoning. I also like that details are still a little vague so there's still room, when thinking about all of this together, to look at all of these subgroups and their armies with a bit of nuance.
Love how you portray the gods. Especially, here this is like the very essence of Athena and Ares. Both war gods, but Athena associated with the aspect of strategy and nuance, Ares with...well, the battle aspect (and the butt of the joke in every other myth because of it lol).
Oh snap, that escalated!! What a cool little romantic sub-plot to add a bit more weight to this impending fight, very nice! I wonder where this will lead >.>
Another thing that surprised me slightly, was Delta and Terra being chill with each other! Guess things worked themselves out lol. Admittedly...I still wonder if there's friction here, but Terra DEFINITELY reads as the type of character to convert an enemy to a friend, so I see both directions working!
Ooo, the emotion! Love it, and such a powerful description to go with it! I can very much understand why Athena would be frustrated at this point in time, in this universe XD Not to mention, this sounds like something a goddess of wisdom would say.
I mean, she's not wrong on that last bit XD But also, ooo, new quest unlocked! I wonder how this will go...
MadThoughts...Overall, another fantastic chapter, and I can't wait to read the finale! Nicely done!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."