This is just something I wrote for kicks when I was bored and made the mistake of asking my friend, "What should I write about?" Guess what he said. Yeah, "When the cheese attacked."
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The sky was dark and grey,
The clouds buried the sun;
Just an ordinary day.
Then it went for the people--
It flew into town.
And began its quest,
To bring the planet down.
You should have ran.
You should have fled.
You should have escaped,
The day the world bled.
But instead you stayed,
And you tried to save.
And in the end,
It's your life you gave.
You should have heard me out--
You should have packed,
You should have been gone and spared,
The day the cheese attacked.
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lol. that was a great poem. when the cheese attacked. so original. you can garuntee that there will never be another poem like it. i need your friend to sputter out something for me. lol. that would be awesome. youre truely talenyed to turn the subject into a great flowing poem. fabtastic job, good luck, and keep writing. I hope to see more of your works in the future.
Well, I guess that's good, Joey, 'cause I don't.
Tee Hee! I know who the friend is. He he.
This is too funny. Hmm, I wonder if you will ask that friend for writing ideas again
It sounds so serious and somber until the last line, like a surprise ending or something!
Ha. I really enjoyed this. I didn't see anything wrong with it, but then again, I'm not great at critiquing poetry. Your friend couldn't have given you a more creative or funny writing idea.
-Venom
that is so cool. you're very creative. and imaginative.
Cool! I loved the whole thing, and until the last line, I wondered: where is the cheese?
Exactly how does cheese attack, though? It's a really good poem. What would be cool is if you could elaborate on what happened. Somehow fatal cheese sounds like a good topic for a comic poem. Shouldn't
'You should have ran"
have been 'run'? I'm not an english major or anything, but it sounded kind of off there.
Other than that, it's perfect.
Oh. I never even thought about changing it from second person...
Wow, for such a silly topic I'm surprised you were able to make an actual poem from it.
I liked this poem because it made sense and wasn't just words that rhymed but made no sense like I thought it would be. I think it would be better if you didn't say you and replaced it with they I think it would just flow better but this is up to you.
The funny thing is that you could change cheese to Russians or zombies and it would still make sense!
elephant hunting
Haha, well there's an interesting way of getting yourself to write! I need to get my friends to spit out something random for me O_O
I liked it, It sounds so serious until the end.
Blood.
Gore.
Pain.
And CHEESE.
Epic.