Act normal, be happy,
Don't let the pain show.
So what if you're dying?
Don't let anyone know.
Stay focused and calm,
Just give them a smile.
You'll only have to pretend like this,
For a just a little while.
Just act like this in school,
Then the second you're in the door,
You can let it all out,
Collapse on the floor.
Act happy and laugh.
Don't show them you cry.
No one needs to know,
You're planning to die.
-Jocelyn.
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140,626 Literary Works • 673,567 Reviews
Ok, there could have been alot more to this poem. It does need some extra wow factor or real twist rather than following a classic suicide poem plot.
However, the bluntness of the final line was great! I still really liked the poem even though it wasn't perfect. Good job!
I like the simpicity in this, but I do think that you left out part of the story. You see that the person is really upset about something, but what? I think if you gave this more, like a reason why the person is upset. Do you see what I am getting at? Anyway I do like this!
Keep Writing
Flower
This is amazing to me. it is short but it is true.
I have felt like this for a long long time and everything you say in this poem is very true. I have no nitpicks about it at all. It's well rounded and complete.
Despite what both of the reviewers above have said, I find this poem very powerful.
I understand the emotion, and I really think it is beautiful. Better than anything I could ever write...honestly.
:] Keep writing, you're truely a great writer.
I pinkyswear.
(Yes, I pinkyswear. ;D)
hello, hello.
This poem flowed and rhymed really well. It was very easy to read and the effect of the great rhyming added to the impact of the words. However, this isn't a very strong poem because your words itself are weak. The emotions you wish to portray are strong but the way you wrote it is weak. The rhyme lends a little strength to them but it insufficient if the words itself are simply telling the reader of the emotions and not letting the reader feel it as well.
Expanding your vocabulary would help. Use more vivid words. Use imagery. It will help give life to this poem. It will help readers feel the emotions lying in your words.
Good luck. Keep writing.
--Knightly
This wasn't too great. But it wasn't necessarily horrible either.
It was just another dark suicide poem.
There wasn't any "wow factor", you know?
It was just sort of bland. There wasn't much to it.
I didn't particularly care for this piece just because it was so short and simple.
I didn't feel much emotion conveyed, although that might just be me. It's pretty late here, I don't know.
This was just alright, although you didn't have any grammatical mistakes or anything, so there isn't much to critique.
Keep writing!
-Bella