z

Young Writers Society


12+

The Fire Underneath of Things - 15

by Rook


A/N I think I’m going to slide this chapter between the last two? I’m not sure, but it takes place while Ivy’s at Nikki’s house.

~1040 words

Grey

Grey tinkered with his own invention, turning gears first this way, then that, watching as parts moved up and down. It had spindly legs, almost like Gidgit, if Gidgit had the precision of a ballerina and not a somewhat clumsy, autonomous spider. Grey watched as no matter how he manipulated the machine, the spindles never got caught and tangled together. It was almost complete.

“What do you have there?” came Alder’s voice from behind him.

“N-nothing,” said Grey, stuffing the machine in the pocket where Gidgit was currently hiding. “Just fixing up Gidgit a bit.”

“Alright,” said Alder, considering Grey out of the corner of his eye. “But aren’t you supposed to be working on our big project?”

“Well, you see, I ran out of 14 mm bolts, and I figured I’d just pick some more up after I get home from lamp lighting.”

Alder grunted. “I don’t like to see you slacking Grey. I get the feeling you aren’t taking this danger seriously. The dark mountain is rumbling, my boy. The skies will fill with fire. The crops will fail and we will starve. No one will dare open the door for fear of the monster that lurks without. Children will suffocate in their beds, women will—”

“Okay! Okay! I get it. You’ve only told me a million times! I gotta get to work. Be back later with those bolts.” Grey practically ran out of the room, pausing only to grab his lamplighter’s pole and hat.

--

Grey drifted through the streets, lighting lamp after lamp as the sun set. Sometimes, he met another lamplighter at a crossroads. When this happened, he gave them a friendly wave, and they would both continue their separate ways, but mostly, he was left to himself. He thought about many things each night. Mostly machines. Well, machines… and Ivy. He knew it was silly to daydream, but he couldn’t help it. It was pleasant to think of her smile, and he felt butterflies in his stomach when he thought of spending all day tomorrow with her. And work went quickly as he daydreamed. Soon, he was at his final assigned lamppost. Tommy was already waiting for him, leaning against the lamp.

Tommy was one of Grey’s only friends. Grey’s final lamppost was right next to Tommy’s final lamppost, and one night, they’d happened to finish at the same time and started talking. Tommy was around Grey’s age, seventeen or eighteen, though he could have been older.

“What kept you?” Tommy asked, running a hand through his messy, mousy hair. The bridge of his small, pointed nose was heavily freckled.

“Just thinking,” Grey said evasively.

“About that Gypsy again?” Tommy’s perpetual smirk seemed to amplify, showing his sharp, crooked teeth.

“Don’t call her that,” Grey snapped.

“That’s what she is though, eh?”

“It’s not a very nice term. But yeah, I guess I have been thinking about Ivy.”

“You need to ask her out already, man! Stop being so bleedin’ dreamy and just do it.” Tommy pulled out a roll of something—Grey never asked what—and held it to his still-lit lamp-lighting pole. He stuck the roll between his teeth, foul-smelling smoke already wafting toward Grey, and extinguished the wick at the end of the pole.

“I need to pick up some bolts. You can come along or stay and smoke. I don’t really care,” Grey said, trying to change the subject. Of course, he knew Tommy would walk with him.

“You think I can’t smoke and walk at the same time?” They headed off toward the metal shop. “But seriously, when are you gonna ask her?”

“I dunno. I think I blew it last time. She seemed… I dunno, all uncomfortable just to be near me. I don’t have a chance.”

“That was just your self-doubt, don’t worry. You’re a catch. You have the ladies swooning over you everywhere you go!” Tommy gestured widely across the street, his cigar leaving a trail of smoke in the air.

Grey glanced down at Tommy, who was a full foot shorter than him, and took in his grimy, smirking face; pale, bulging eyes; and dirty, claw-like fingernails. He thought, a catch compared to you, maybe, but instead he said, “maybe you’re right.”

“Of course I am, Lennox Grey! I’m right about everything. Have I been wrong yet?”

Yes, thought Grey, but said nothing.

“Here’s what you gotta do,” Tommy said. “You had her help you build that little machine you’re making, right?”

“Yeah? So what?” Grey said suspiciously.

“Well you’re planning on using it yeah?”

“What’s it to you if I am? You’re not invited, and you’re not getting any of the goods that comes from it.”

Tommy made a placating gesture. “I’m not in on this for the swag. I’m simply suggesting maybe you could ask her to help you test it?”

“She wouldn’t like that.”

“Who’s to say if she won’t? I bet you didn’t think you’d like stealing until you tried it.” Tommy cocked an eyebrow.

“I suppose you have a point.”

“So it’s simple! Wait until she’s over helping you with that machine, and finish it with her. Then you can go out and try it and boom! It’s a date! Problem solved!” Tommy accentuated this end with a flick of his cigar.

“I guess I’ll try that. I’ll have to wait until Thursday, though. That’s the day she’s got to come alone. Nikki stays up at her farm that day. Seems so long to wait, though,” Grey moaned.

“Didn’t you just meet these girls last week? Settle down there, Cassanova. You’ll break all the ladies’ hearts in this town if you’re not more careful with who you fall in love with. I’ve never met such a lovesick boy.” Tommy regarded Grey with disgust.

“I’m not usually like this!” Grey protested.

“Sure, sure,” said Tommy. “And I’m not the only man of substance in this town.” He raised his lamplighting pole like a king’s scepter. “Huzzah to being young, beautiful and free from care!” he shouted at the night.

A shuttered window above them crashed open. “Shut yer face, yeh hooligans!” an old lady yelled at the two of them.

Yes the ladies sure are swooning over us, Grey thought.


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Wed Sep 20, 2017 8:27 pm
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ExOmelas wrote a review...



Well, my flatmate's out at a thing and it seems there's not a lot to do around here xD

Nit-picks and nice moments:

The dark mountain is rumbling, my boy. The skies will fill with fire. The crops will fail and we will starve. No one will dare open the door for fear of the monster that lurks without. Children will suffocate in their beds, women will—”

I hadn't thought of this since I saw it but given that we're now fifteen chapters in it might have been a good idea to have had him interject some rambling earlier. Maybe even repeatedly. It would just be a bit more show-y than them talking about him so much.

“It’s not a very nice term. But yeah, I guess I have been thinking about Ivy.”

So uh, I'm used to gypsy being slang for traveller. I suppose there's generally a more ethnic element as well? But I guess it's just a bit sudden since I hadn't heard that she was of any sort of ethnic minority before. And like, she definitely has a house, so she's not a traveller.

love with. I’ve never met such a lovesick boy

The two "love"s quite so close was just a wee bit repetitive.

Overall:

First of all, hehehe at your last line :P

I definitely think this should have been in between some of the recent Ivy chapters, for reasons I've outlined in my reviews for those chapters. It's just cool to get everyone's perspective, because it makes the story about humans' difficulty to understand each other.

I have the strangest feeling I'm coming close to a chapter of this that I reviewed in the green room one day. I definitely remember being like "well that guy Tommy was an ass" about something, and this feels very familiar. Tommy is an ass, but he's also an extremely well-written ass. His mannerisms are just what I'd expect and Grey's reactions to him are what I would hope. It's also interesting that Grey continues to hang out with him though, because it shows that although he is a better person than Tommy, he doesn't care about it enough to not hang out with him. Very intrigued about what it'll be like when Tommy and Ivy+Nikki meet each other.

Alder was also fun. I think I'd like a bit more of him in general. He's kinda flat so far. As in, he's a random crazy guy with some money. I'd definitely like to learn what he thinks he's going on about, and maybe a bit about his life. But on the other hand maybe that's the point; maybe it'll turn out he was right all along and people ruined themselves by dismissing him as a lunatic (another example of people not understanding each other very well). We shall see.

Hope this helps,
Biscuits :)




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Mon Jun 12, 2017 2:35 pm
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BluesClues wrote a review...



A shuttered window above them crashed open. “Shut yer face, yeh hooligans!” an old lady yelled at the two of them.

Yes the ladies sure are swooning over us, Grey thought.


Heh heh heh.

“That was just your self-doubt, don’t worry.


Or it's actually true because sometimes he comes on too strong. Don't egg him on, Tommy.

But as usual, I sympathize more with Grey when I see things from his perspective, like realizing he comes on too strong or realizing Ivy maybe is a little uncomfortable with him, and he doesn't have any "she owes me" type thoughts or anything, so that helps.

I also like that we get to see in this chapter that he's employed and has a life beyond his machines and the, whatever the gathering thing is (I don't even recall what it's called at this point because I haven't read this in so long). And that we get to see his machines in more detail here - both the one he doesn't want Alder to know about and the one Alder is hoping for him to complete.

Next chapter!

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Tue May 30, 2017 12:14 am
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PrincessInk wrote a review...



Hello fortis. So now it's Grey's POV.

And it's also his turn to be pressured by his peer to ask Ivy out ;)

I was a little confused here:

“N-nothing,” said Grey, stuffing the machine in the pocket where Gidgit was currently hiding. “Just fixing up Gidgit a bit.”


Just to make this clear, his machine AND Gidgit are in his pocket? Because it's odd to have Gidgit in his pocket when he says he's "fixing" it. Or perhaps it's another mishap of his? Or perhaps it's supposed to make his lie look worse?

The part where Grey said "Okay, okay" was great. It made me imagine that this Alder said this over and over and over again, till nobody wanted to hear it. I can imagine him repeating that to any new recruits.

I liked the interaction between him and Tommy--not just because of the pressure, but also because I could vividly see the differences in their personalities. Tommy is a bit insensitive, isn't he? He's more of the down-to-earth kind, at least from what I see, and thinks: Why can't you do that, come on? And the old lady at the end and Grey's sarcastic thought really added a nice touch to it.

But what I would have liked to have seen was more setting here. I do see some description in the previous chapters but I wonder where Grey is in the...city, wasn't it? Or a town? It can be woven in between the dialogue as they walk toward the metal shop to add some setting and also show their progress toward the store.

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The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg. It's about what you're made of, not the circumstances.
— Unknown