Rated 16+ for reference to rape/sex (.....it was a demon......she was in a cult......) and teen pregnancy, and that's only because it's part of Arella's story. (I never glorify these things, I promise.)
-------------
For those who don't know, Angela Roth (later Arella) is Raven's mother. She ran away from her foster care home (I think), joined a cult, and was offered up as a bride of Satan (to Trigon), resulting in Raven.
More info can be found here: http://www.titanstower.com/wiki/Angela_ ... w_Earth%29
I wrote the thing originally from my memory of the song and Arella's story, so the line spacings are my own (they differ on the official lyrics) and I went back and changed some things to be more accurate after reading her bio.
~Azarath~
She is runnin'
A hundred miles an hour
In the wrong direction
As soon as her feet hit the ground, she took off. She didn't know where she would go or what she would do—all she knew was that she wanted to get as far away as possible.
She is tryin'
But the canyon's ever widenen'
In the depths of her cold heart
She had tried to stay, even to make things better, but it had just been too much—there was only so much a teenage girl could take.
Now she was trying to survive on her own, and no matter how hard it was, she would never go back.
She had no love in her heart for the ones she'd left behind.
So she sets off on another misadventure just to find
She's another two years older
And three more steps behind
She'd been on her own for two years now, and had never felt lower. It was nice to not have to put up with things like foster care anymore, but life on her own was far from the wonderful experience she'd imagined.
If only the real world was as wonderful as the one in her head.
Does anybody hear her?
Does anybody see?
There was a sort of privacy on a busy American street.
She could break down screaming and crying and nobody would even ask if she was ok.
It was like her body was invisible and her words were silent.
Oh, does anybody even know she's goin' down today?
Under the shadow of our steeple
with all the lost and lonely people
Searchin' for a ray of hope that's tucked away in you an me
She had decided to go to church today.
She was searching for something—what, she didn't know—that would show her that maybe, just maybe, she had some sort of purpose after all.
She didn't find it.
Does anybody hear her? Does anybody see?
Nobody knew she'd been to church that day.
If they had, they would have ignored her presence, and pretended nothing had ever happened.
She is yearnin'
For the shelter and affection
She never had at home
When her sisters took her in, she finally felt loved and accepted.
They were more of a family than she'd ever had at home.
She is seachin'
For a hero to ride in
To ride in and save the day
She'd always hoped that someone would come save her.
When she was little, she'd actually believed a prince would come and swoop her away to his castle.
Then she grew up.
Then in walks her Prince Charmin',
And he knows just what to say
Momentary lapse of reason, and she gives herself away
She'd had reservations at first, but her sisters had assured her that she was perfect for the ritual, so she consented.
And when the handsome man appeared before her, she was so very glad she did.
He coaxed her close, murmuring the sweet nothings that she'd been dying to hear for so long, and she lost herself in his arms.
By the time she realized that he wasn't the gentleman he appeared to be, it was far too late.
Does anybody hear her?
Does anybody see?
Her sisters waved her off when she first told them of her suspicions. She was being silly, they said. It was an honor to be so lavished by such a great spirit, and she should be grateful.
Only the prophecy made them listen.
Oh, does anybody even know she's goin' down today?
No one knew she'd taken those sleeping pills.
No one knew she'd even left.
The Azarathians had taken her in the middle of the night, and she hadn't even thought of telling her sisters goodbye.
She missed them.
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searchin' for a ray of hope that's tucked away in you and me
She spent a lot of time at the Azarathean temples.
There were many others there sometimes, searching for an inner peace found through meditation, self-discipline, and devotion to all aspects of their religion.
Somehow, she never quite found the hope she was looking for.
No matter what she did, her baby was still going to destroy the world.
And it was all her fault.
If judgement looms under every steeple
With lofty glances from lofty people
Who can't see past a scarlet letter
And they've never even met her
She couldn't help but wonder what it might have been like if someone else had shown her kindness first.
She probably wouldn't have joined the sisterhood.
She wouldn't have had a baby.
She wouldn't be responsible for the inevitable destruction of the world.
~Metrion~
The ~Azarath~ and ~Metrion~ are there because ------'s don't work on ff.net, and stories really need them there, so I had to get creative in dividing the story from the author's notes.
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter I'm Sorry...Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,506 Literary Works • 672,594 Reviews
an amazing yet rather creepy start.
it flowed, had fantastic imagery and made me feel as if was there.
well done.
Hey, sorry I'm so late! But I finally got it done ^_^
I thought it rhymed quite well. It got a little off pace at times, but when you would hit it right on it would be very effective.
I haven’t ever heard of this comic before you told me about it, so I really can’t help with any accuracy in that area, sorry x)
I’m a little confused at what this would be classified as. I think you wanted it to be lyrics, but then it feels like a prologue, and it is posted in the novel’s section. I mean, it doesn’t matter, whatever it is it’s artistic.
Only, depending on whether this is a stand-alone or an introduction to something bigger, it’s hard for me to review in that area. For a stand alone, it’s great. I got a good sense of the character and who she was and what her dilemma was. If you want to take this farther, you might want to give us more of a setting or throw in some kind of description because I feel pretty lost there.
Sorry, this was a pretty weak review on my part! Please, if you have any questions or anything else I could help you on let me know!
I hope some of this was useful!
Have an awesome day!
Raven's dad is a DEMON?!?! SATAN, no less! W. O. W. I just saw where you got this from, and just let me sy yours superbly rocks over that. Love this, I do. I like the mis-matched spacing and all too. This poetry is mind bogglingly wonderful. Br-il-i-ant. Fantabulous. I truely adore this. Great. Job.
Hey Anime! Here for the review.
Okay, so first off I've just got to tell you that I don't know any of these characters or storyline, so I don't have any background on the setting or situation. However, you did a good job of making it easy for someone like me to follow along with this particular character.
Now, for the story -- I'm not used to reviewing pieces like this! You execute this style of storytelling very well; I was able to follow everything that was happening, and I felt sorry for her, even though I'm not really sure what exactly I should be sorry about (I hope this makes sense!). I like the way you tied in the lyrics with her journey and trials; that was very well done and gave the piece an almost eerie feel, in the sense that her story's been "immortalized" through song.
As for this girl Arella, I feel very detached. I do feel some pity for the things she's been through and feeling, but I don't have anything to really picture and nothing to relate her and make her feel humanized. It's like we dip in every now and then to get caught up with her, and we don't delve in and get a really good view of who she is as a person, what motivates her, etc. If you were planning on expanding this, you'd definitely want to add some more details. Even some descriptions of setting or whatnot would be nice, just to orient myself in this story.
If you were going for an ethereal, removed feel to this story, though, then you nailed it! I feel like I'm watching a video in slow motion, feeling sad for this girl whose story is being revealed through bits of the song, but not knowing all the circumstances or who she actually is.
Basically, I think you did a great job on this piece, and I'm just being nitpicky because I'm not used to reading stories like this and should probably expand my mind more.
Well, that's all I've got to say. Keep up the great work! Cheers. (:
I've not seen much of the cartoon, though I vaguely recall the characters so I must have watched an episode or too, but I'll try to review this as well as I can. I've not got any nit-picks as I'm nnot that way inclined lately and to be honest, no specific comments at all. I just wanted to give you my opinion on your choice of writing style and your characterisation etc.
Writing Style
Alright so the combination of the lyrics and your own thing was nice but to some degree the lyrics added more than your words. That shouuld not be the case. You could have had so many more descriptions and insights into the emottion and the detail of these events. The song skips characterisation altogether and I felt that you could have made up for that in your prose and made us really feel for this woman but instead I was rather so so about her and ended up with the vague puzzlement that she didn't just get riid of the baby. Perhaps that's some confusion on wheather she knew th
he prophecy or not? You need to show us how attached she grew to that child in her womb and how impossible it was for her to give her up despite knowing it would be the end of the world. There would be some great conflict there.
Characterisation
We don't get a real feel for any of the characters. They're vague and most aren't evenn named and those tags like 'Azarath' aren't self explanatory. True, this is a fan-fiction and you expect your rreaders to already be familiar with them, but even so there should be some background, some emotions. Some substance. We need to feel a connection to these characters or your story will just be flat foor us.
Descriptions
Just a quick note to say that more would have beeen nice. There wasn't enough atmosphere to this piece so while you were dealing with an interesting subject that should have evoked strong emotions, it didn't quite work because you didn't build up to that enough. The lyrics helped somewhat but descriptions would be even better.
Well hope thatt helps a little, drop me a pm if you've got queestions,
Heather xxx
Oh I really liked this~ :3
It was so creepy and sad at the same time that I couldn't stop reading. I liked how you incorporated the lyrics into the story, too. It added something to it, like you could picture this story as a movie, with the background music being the lyrics. I don't know how to explain it, but it works well.
Sorry, that was really nitpick-y, but the "w" in "with" wasn't capitalized ^_^"
This part, I didn't really understand. What does taking sleeping pills have to do with being kidnapped? And you said "left" in the second line, but then said "taken" in the third, so I don't know what happened. Also, I can't tell what's happening here. Which one is the cult? The "Sisters" or the "Azarathians" ?? I thought it was the sisters that was the cult, but then later you said that she was praying at the Azarathean temple so I'm not quite sure who they are. (Plus, why would she pray with people who kidnapped her?)
But other than those things, I really have nothing else to pick on :3
Nit pick's & Grammar:
Small editing error.
Just another editing oops. No big deal.
Okay, enough with the annoying nit picks. I liked this...whatever you would call it. It is an interesting piece. The lyrics are very rhythmic and add a flowing feel to the story. Some of them also rhyme quite well!
I must admit I got a little confused toward the end, but that may just be because I am knew to the whole fan-fiction thing.
Good job,
~FW~