It’s a new year now. And even though it’ll be my twenty-third, it will just be a year of firsts for me. For all of us. The first New Year since, the first Easter, the first Fourth of July since you died. You and Mami’s anniversary is on October 9th. Isabella’s birthday will come first, then Omar, Benjamin, Mami, John, Alexandra, and finally mine.
I’ll be twenty-three this year, but I’m still wearing all the years I was before.
I’m still twenty-two years old, when I was engaged to the man you had already begun treating like a son. If we could talk right now, we’d both talk about how you two met. Don’t you remember? On Valentine’s Day all those years ago, he had come to bring me chocolates as ‘friends.’ When you walked through the door, holding the mail in one hand and an abundance of crab legs in the other, you stopped and stared at him for several minutes.
He outstretched his hand to yours, and you took it after setting your things down. He shook it firmly and told you, “I love your cars, sir, I used to drive a 240d.” And very quickly after that, I was third-wheeling while you both talked about old Mercedes for the following thirty minutes. You invited him to stay for crab, but you really shouldn’t have. He eats a lot.
I’m still seventeen years old, when I was getting ready to go to a school dance. I had already showered the night before. In the morning, I spent about three hours in front of the bathroom mirror, trying to fix everything I thought was wrong with my face. I had to redo my hair twice already; since you gave me brothers before sisters, I wasn’t that good at being a girl.
After accepting my reflection in the mirror, I finally exited my bedroom to grab a glass of water. You were there in the kitchen. I can’t remember what you were doing, probably something that involved leaving your tools all over the counter. You walked up to me and said, “Prom?” It wasn’t prom. It was homecoming. But you were close enough, so I just nodded. You told me I looked beautiful.
I’m still ten years old, when I was having nightmares and would crawl into your bed. Sometimes, it wasn’t nightmares; I’d just wake up in the middle of the night, unable to bear the darkness all by myself. And yet, I always managed to be brave enough to make it to your bedroom.
You asked me what the nightmares were about, and I’d always say I forgot even when I didn’t. Mami told me sometimes you’d get nightmares too. They were usually about losing one of us or all of us. That’s how I know you and I are the same. Were the same.
I’m still six years old, and you are dropping me off for my first day of kindergarten. And I’m upset because you’re leaving me in this strange place all alone. You won’t stay. I don’t know anyone here, at least not like how I know you. Knew you.
You wouldn’t take me with you. You didn’t take me with you. How dare you? How could you do that to me? How could you do it again? How could you leave me here, leave all of us here all alone? What are we supposed to do? What am I supposed to do?
I can’t go home without you. I don’t know the way.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:
Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret
friendddd! happy to be here to review another amazing piece by you! lets jump right in!
though you are sharing separate pieces, i feel like everything you have shared on YWS is one long story. the story of your life. i love hearing your thoughts. I am going to assume that everything you post is true and based off of your life, and treat it like one long story. thats why i may mention things from last pieces you have posted. if this interpretation is incorrect, feel free to disregard anything i say
this section touches really well on loss. sure, it is a new year, but it is the first new year without your father. its the first of everything this year holds with him gone, which i can imagine in incredibly difficult <3
i love this. it is not only a new year and first of everything without him. it is also an encapsulation of everything you have always been and everything that was there before. you are still the girl you were last year, and the year before. the only difference now, is him missing.
you are strong for writing this. i can imagine it is so difficult to remember all of these memories. i love this journey we are taking through your past, with the first time your dad met your 'just friend' at the time.
these memories are so tender.
this is where i started tearing up reading this. these are such beautiful memories of your father. i love how you can tell the story in a way that is from your point of view, but captures the mood of the situation, as well as how it made you feel, at the same time. your father seems like he was a wonderful person.
ahh, reading the next part has tears running down my face. i remember the nights, when i was a kid, climbing into my dads bed too, because i was so scared of the darkness. you captured it so beautifully in this sentence:
serious question: have you thought about taking these stories you write and making them into a poetry book? i recently compiled a bunch of what i have written and got it printed online into a book. it was a compilation of poems about hard things i have endured. it helps me cope a lot. maybe it would help you too
the ending is beautiful and we transition so well from being in kindergarten to still, feeling this sense of abandonment after your father passes away.
Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement
i honestly dont even know what to say. i think this is my favourite thing you have posted so far. they are all incredible and you have made me cry multiple times, but this one... well, this was filled with tender memories that i related to. things i have also experience with my father. how can you improve? i dont think this can be improved because it is so personal and perfect in every way. dont ever stop writing and sharing your feelings
Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises
i love the way this sentence sounds! the statement of being given brothers before sisters flows so well. wow!
this line has tears streaming down my face and makes me want to sob:
Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts
thank you so much for this. i really needed to feel what i felt while reading. please keep posting here <333 im always here if you need someone to rant to
love, your friend,
ellie
I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!
hey, as always, thanks for the review. some of my friends here have also asked me if I have considered publishing and it%u2019s not something I%u2019ve seriously thought about. if I did it would probably have to be anonymous because I feel like I wouldn%u2019t be able to be as honest; I think my family would have issue with some of the other things I%u2019ve written. I am glad to hear that this is your fave so far, I have a hard time with the shorter ones because I always feel like I am not saying enough, but at the same time I can%u2019t think of anything else to include
Hey farq4d, Icy here for a quick review today!
First of all, I definitely found this piece very moving. It's a very poignant and powerful tribute to a father who has passed away and I really liked the use of the technique of flashback to show how the father influenced your life at different stages, from childhood to adulthood. You also use repetition and contrast to emphasize the loss and grief that you feel. Your piece is well-written, with vivid details and emotional resonance. You've tagged this as realistic so if this is the situation you're in, I'm very sorry for your loss <3
In terms of improvements I don't think you need to do much. You could consider some more interaction within the flashbacks. The 'prom' gives the father a much more prominent and realistic presence, and I think some additional conversation could be powerful here. For example, you could include some of his words of wisdom, some of his jokes, some of his expressions of love.
Overall, I think that your piece is a touching and heartfelt expression of love and loss. It shows the bond between a father and a child, and the impact that a parent can have on a child's life. It also shows the pain and struggle of losing a loved one, and the difficulty of moving on. It is a relatable and moving piece that can touch the reader's emotions.
Thanks for sharing this
Icy
hey icy, thanks for your review it means a lot. :%u2019)