I don't know if it ever gets any better. I don't think grief is something that can just get up and leave. I don't think it knows how. You can't walk it to the door; it doesn't have legs. It's hanging on the wall, and when you try to take it down, the spackling won't stick, so you can't patch up the hole that's left behind.
There's just nothing else that can fill it.
Your pool table upstairs was covered in dust even though it hasn't been that long, but it's been too long. I yelled at my sister because the cues weren't in the right spots. She had her friends over and they played on it. They used the cue they shouldn't have. They used your cue and they shouldn't have. It's not their fault; she doesn't know which cue was yours; I did.
It's cold in the upstairs until I turn on the pellet stove you left behind and then I stand so close I can feel my skin burning. In the shop, there's the pallet of wood pellets you and I bought during the summertime. The pellet stove cries when it's run out, and when there's no more bags left on the pallet, I think I'll cry too.
There's a window in your office now. You would have liked the view. You can see the mountains across the valley: the ones you grew up in, the ones you took us to every summer. You would have been able to see the sunrise from your chair. 22,446 is a lot of sunrises. I wish you would have stayed for one more.
Your recliner is always empty when I go to visit my mom. And in your room, the cat is asleep on your side of the bed. She misses you too. She's waiting for you to come back. But she's just a cat; she doesn't know you never will.
I told my mom I want your record player. I told her, "It should be mine." But that's not quite right because it will never really be mine. It will always be yours. It's just one more thing you left behind.
I was sitting on the floor wrapping presents for our family, but I kept feeling like I was forgetting something, like I didn't get a present for someone. But I did, I got a present for every person who was going to be there. You just weren't going to be there. It was just six instead of seven this year. When will it be five?
The only thing consistent with life is that it's always changing. The universe keeps moving forward even without you in it. I'm still looking back, and I'm still missing you. I'll always be missing you. The rest of my life will just be a collection of moments you won't be there for. You'll never be there for.
I look in the mirror and I'll never see myself the way you did. I'll never know for sure how you did because you kept most things to yourself. I know you loved me, and I know you were proud of me. I just wish I could have heard you say it.
It didn't snow this year, and I wondered if it was you keeping it away so my mom and I wouldn't be so scared of driving on the backroads. But I know that isn't the case. I have a hard time believing you're up there watching us, that there's another universe where we still are together: where I can still tell you the things I need to tell you.
It's a nice thought, but I think this is it. This is all we will ever have. You're not up there, you're in the dirt and maybe someday I'll lay down next to you and we'll feed a tree that grows over our heads. And a cat will fall asleep on its branches.
It's cloudy out, and I can't see the sky, but I know it's up there and it's bright and it's blue. And I know the clouds will clear up eventually, but for now, they're there and I can't feel the sun and so it can't melt the frost off my windshield by 9 am when I leave for work.
So I defrost my car, put on a smile, and pretend like it's gotten better.
I don't think I'll ever fully thaw out.
Points:
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Canary word: Present
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125,027 Literary Works • 672,773 Reviews
Hey,
Alright, let's take another stroll through this emotional landscape, my friend. This piece is like sitting down with your buddy after a tough day and just letting it all out. It's got that easy-breezy tone, but man, it's a real tearjerker.
The author crafts a vivid picture of grief that's relatable like swapping stories over a cup of coffee. The dusty pool table, the cat waiting for a comeback tour—it's like a snapshot of life after loss. It's heavy, but the way it's laid out is like sharing a pint with a friend who's been through the same.
The writing's down-to-earth, like a chat with your best mate. It captures the essence of missing someone, with holiday blues, unspoken words, and that lingering desire for a nod of approval. It's like your buddy spilling their heart out, and you just nod because you get it.
There's a bit of an open-ended vibe, like a series finale that leaves you wondering. While it mirrors the ongoing nature of grief, some might wish for a bit more resolution. You know, like wrapping up a TV show with a satisfying conclusion.
Metaphors are scattered like breadcrumbs, comparing grief to everything from a frosty windshield to an unpatchable wall-hanger. It's artsy, but sometimes you're like, "Okay, metaphor overload, where's the simpler version?"
But let's get real—it hits you right in the feels. It's like a late-night chat with your friend by the bonfire, even if the bonfire is fueled by loss. Sure, it's a bit personal, and not everyone might vibe with that, but if you've ever missed someone deeply, it's a solid read.
In a nutshell, it's like sharing a pizza with a buddy—comforting, a bit heavy, but ultimately something you'll remember. So, grab a tissue and dive into this emotional rollercoaster.
Bye
hey thanks for taking the time to write this review : )
Ho ho ho, curious mind!
Amaya here, ready to dive into the pages of this intriguing story. 📚!
Buckle up, 'cause we're diving into my Christmas magic! 🎄
The Jolly-Good Stuff: 🍭
First of all, let's talk about the Holly Jolly parts that really rocked!
Because you placed this as realistic, I’m not sure whether this happened to you in real life, if it did I’m sorry for your loss. 😔I hope things will get better in the future for you.
Just a note: I will review this story as a story not as an emotional experience.
This is an extremely brave story of someone who’s trying to cope with the loss of a loved one. The sadness and sorrow is made visible through words along with sappy examples which adds more depth to your story.
Your writing style is very nice and fits nicely with the touches of realistic elements. Your title is clear and speaks for itself, it kind of summarises the story in one sentence which is perfect for a title.
Great job!!
A little more elf-help needed over here:✒️
The following suggestions are merely to help you improve on your writing and not to offend you in any way. Feel free to skip these suggestions, if these are not what you aim for.
I honestly think it’s a little vague who the loved one is that’s passed away, because in some places I think it’s the girl's boyfriend who left her or the boyfriend who died or her father.
For example:
Here, I think it’s perhaps her boyfriend, it can also be her father but I get more of a boyfriend feeling if you lay next to someone.
An iconic thing for a father scene would be the fact that he gives her a push on the swing or he catches her from the slide or combs her hair.
Over here I get the image that it’s her father, because if someone usually is proud of their daughter, most of the time it’s their father.
Also the fact that you keep mentioning “MY MOM” makes me also think her boyfriend passed away.
If it was the case of the father, perhaps “MOM” would be more fitting. Because if you talk to your father you can just say, mom, right? Instead of my mom.
Overall Christmas does come to an end:
This was a very sappy story in a nice way. I love the mention of the fact that the cat also misses the loved one. It adds a realistic touch to the story along with your vivid writing style. If this is based on a real-life experience: You are very brave to have shared this sensitive story, I hope things will get better eventually.
Be sure to go with Rudolph 🦌 and check out…📔🔖
While reading your story it reminded me of a nice story I read. To get some inspiration from, the author captivates a similar story like yours in a beautiful way: Memories of Daddy, pt. 1 & 2 by @AyumiGosu17
Have a nice day or night further! Keep writing! You are amazing!
Amazingly yours,
hey there, thanks for your review
the story is about my dad, but I get what you mean about how I kept it vague. I get how it can be confusing to see how I refer to my mom as %u2018my mom.%u2019 I think I get it from how my mom and her siblings speak in Spanish when they refer to their own mom; they usually say %u201Cmy mom/mi mama%u201D even when talking to their siblings instead of saying %u201Cour mom/nuestra mama.%u201D I%u2019ll definitely look into how it comes across next time
MEOW! Hello, friend! My name is Ellie and today I will be reviewing using my very own Black Cat Review Method! It is very similar to the incredible YWS S'more Method but I have Halloween-ified it and made it spooky! My little black cat friend, Vladimir, wants to offer his opinion on your amazing literary piece:
I am so invested in your literary works on YWS! Everything you write is incredible! Consider me a subscribed, invested reader.
Mystical Witch Hat - What I See, Observe, and Interpret
what an amazing, intriguing first sentence! it caught my attention right away. the first sentence is incredible, but we are followed by an increasingly wonderful paragraph:
wow! you describe grief so well. i know that every person feels it differently, but i felt what you described and it reminded me of emotions that I have experienced before.
this sentence:
is wonderful. i love your symbolism of emptiness. the lone sentence standing here alone, with no where to go and go one who can take away its pain.
you know how to make people feel things. with grief, it has always been too long.
This sentence also stood out to me:
I'm sensing your sister is younger, maybe? Or, in a way, she wasn't as close to your dad as you were.
This whole paragraph is just beautiful. I absolutely love your use of counting the number of sunrises. That is incredibly beautiful! sunrises and sunsets are often symbolic of people who have passed away. We like to think of them as the ones who make the sky beautiful for us. Again, you capture emotions so well. This is not something i see in a lot of poetry that i read. I feel like i can connect so precisely to what you say. The longing for just one more day is such a powerful feeling and so present in your writing.
The statement of “you just werent going to be there” really got me. You then pose the question, when will it be five? From this, there are a couple of things you could have meant. 1)the loss of your father has left you feeling like you could lose someone else you love suddenly and has caused to to develop some anxiety related to that. 2)maybe someone else in your family is sick, like your mother or another daily member. 3) in a darker way of seeing this, the author could be thinking of ending their own life.
I love this. I love the sense of life just moving on, no matter what. This reminds me of the last piece you posted when you talked about Groundhog Day, the movie. I can imagine that this constant cycle is incredibly overwhelming and hard. I am so sorry you are trapped in this cycle right now. I cant even imagine how unbearable it can feel to have no idea what to do to feel better, but please know that a random internet stranger is cheering you on, reading the words you write, and cheering you on <3
Vladimir’s Advice - Suggestions for Improvement
Here are just a couple of ares i loved, but thought you could EXTEND a little longer to give us an even deeper understanding. But i do feel that this is a personal piece that is more of an outlet for relief and sharing your pain, so don't feel like you have to change anything at all!
And this one:
Jack O’Lanterns - My Favourite Parts and Praises
Beautiful <3
That sense of wanting a person to say their feelings, but never getting to hear them is such a powerful thing.
A perfect ending. I dont think there is a better way you could have ended this.
Black Cat Cuddles - Concluding Ideas and Thoughts
Everything you write is beautiful. What is even more beautiful is how you are able to use your pain and create something that allows other people, like me, to feel emotions in a good way. I hope you know that I care about you and im always here on YWS if you want to talk about anything! I hope you can enjoy the rest of your holiday season. Thanks for sharing your Christmas experience with us <3333
I hope you have a spook-tastical day, filled with black cat mischief!
Sincerely,
Ellie
hey again, as always, thanks for the review. it means a lot. it%u2019s always cool when the people who read my work both on here and my friends when I share them the link are able to understand what I%u2019m trying to get across. As for the areas of improvement, I was wondering what you (and Vladimir of course) wanted to see extended in those paragraphs. In the first one, I was trying to show how my dad%u2019s absence is present through the empty space of his recliner and his side of the bed. Gordy was my dad%u2019s cat and every time I%u2019ve gone over she%u2019s sleeping where he used to. I suppose to extend that scene further I could have talked about how she meows waiting for him to give her some milk. For the second paragraph, as I was driving right after posting here, I did think of a couple things I could have added to it, but I might save those things for another piece. But again, thanks for your review I appreciate you