Young Writers Society

One of the strengths of this poem is the clear and concise language used to convey the idea of immortality. The use of this simple language and your direct way of phrasing the poem made the message easy to understand and provided a clear representation of the idea of immortality. For example, the line "But what people fail to realize is you would never have the crippling fear that you were running out of time," effectively conveys the idea that immortality would eliminate the fear of missing out on opportunities due to the constraints of time, without being tied down in unnecessary metaphors that may confuse the reader and distract from the point of the poem.

I really like the idea of:

The chains of mortality

Ah a fresh viewpoint on an old discussion.

this poem seems pretty strait forward, almost more like its dialog from an amazing
thought-provoking fantasy show.
If i can leave one note.
though the other side of this argument has been heard before.
it would be nice to read an entire debate on the subject of mortality.
of course that is most likely to heavy a demand.

what you have is great.
keep it up.

Hi emilyrebecca,

Mailice here with a quick review!

You have written a very absorbing poem. I'm very interested in enjoying discussing with people what they think of immortality. I enjoy seeing what your opinion is on it, and I think it's great that you try to describe it through a poem....
Let's jump into the poem:

But what people fail to realize is you would never have the crippling fear

There's always another chance when you have all the time in the world.

There's always another chance when you have all the time in the world.

The chains of mortality
That hold back all on earth
Never holding you down

leaving your brain and body and soul to be free
To do what the chains hold us back from doing
To not worry about dying so you can
truly live

Hi emilyrebecca!! I'm here for a review.

First of all, I really want to compliment on all of your poems and especially the topics you pick. It makes it impossible not to read it. Going on with the review.

LANGUAGE
The language is apt and clear, which makes the message shine out. The flow was great. If the poem is spoken out aloud, it looks really fluid and amazing to say..

MESSAGE
The message is great- especially the thought process behind it. I think one of the reasons not a lot of people elaborate this topic is because they have beloved it to be impossible. So they find disadvantages of it since for them, grapes are sour. So the beauty also lies in the fact that this poem takes into consideration the possibility of immortality. Which is one thing I really admired.

The last two lines were a perfect conclusion. And naturally, my favorite in this poem.

Overall, I really enjoyed reading your poem. Keep writing about such wonderful topics.

Hello emily! I'm Momo, and I'm here with a review

This poem is so lovely! It's beautiful and well-written, and conveys emotions excellently. I must say, I'm impressed! It's such an amazing poem <3

“Immortality would be so lonely”

The chains of mortality

That hold back all on earth

Never holding you down

leaving your brain and body and soul to be free

To do what the chains hold us back from doing

To not worry about dying so you can...

truly live

Hi, slubbs here with a short review.

I loved this it made me think of immorality in another way.

“But what people fail to realize is you would never have the crippling fear”

This was such a deep, meaningful line. I have never been scared of death but if I died tomorrow I would be disappointed in all the goals that weren’t achieved.

I loved how you used the word chains, it made the image in my head very intense. XD

Anyhow I have nothing poor to say.
However I did feel like I learned a lesson, a lesson to start doing what I want before it’s too late.

Thank you for this amazing poem I hope to read more of your works.

~ slubbs

Hi Dossereana here with a real quick review, so lets get right into it.

I loved this so much, it had so much depth, and description that made me see everything in such a cool way.

“Immortality would be so lonely”

But what people fail to realize is you would never have the crippling fear

that you were running out of time.

The spreading feeling that you lost your shot.

There's always another chance when you have all the time in the world.