My ideas start out graceful,
dancing, drifting, floating.
Existing in a world of frayed edges and blurred lines,
of movement and change,
of howling wind in the distance and the view of birds above the clouds.
My ideas start out pretty,
only existing in the peripherals of my mind,
bouncing and blurred,
ethereal and untouchable,
yet that's not enough,
it never is,
and so I put out my hands to hold the heavens,
to turn wisps into words,
And like that it all changes.
My ideas start out made of soft touches and slim existence,
now they seem to fall from their orbit,
rolling clumsily into walls which hadn’t been there before.
Their once infinite forms solidify and fall at my feet,
leaving me alone,
with a box of parts which no longer fit,
which may have never fit,
with the lingering smell of cold ozone in high skies,
and a deep hope that the ideas will float by again some day soon.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,020 Literary Works • 672,734 Reviews
Oh how I love imagery <3 The last stanza to me represents a slump of some sort, maybe writer's block? Regardless, I love how you've expressed the whole thing. I can imagine every line, and that, to me, is beautiful.
Hey, here comes a review from me. First of all, I LOVED this. Something about your writing style seems so magical. The poem reads as if it is from aother world, out of our typical human senses. Abstract poetry is one of my favourite things in the whole world. I adore your use of repetition, but also how the emotions of the poem shift throughout it as a whole. From the mystical beginning to the bitterweet ending. I like how the verses get progressively longer too. Well done!
Hey there, emilyrebecca! This is Alex, here with a review.
The title is rather indirect, which can only be truly understood once the reader has read the entire piece. It's a silent longing of hoping to meet your past works in their rawest elegance, such a beautiful desire I myself relate to.
I like how how the stanzas are structured. The first one dwelling more on free floating ideas, the second is about them taking shape into actual poetry and the final stanza concludes with the work finalised, but idea doesn't end up with the glory it started with.
This part is so true. It found it very resonating. With surreal ideas comes and innate wish to turn them into something real. The metaphor in the last line is particularly so amazing. You portray our greed as writers, to cook up heavenly thoughts for our projects, very well. Like we aren't satisfied with free great ideas, we want them to be transformed to finished pieces even if it means cutting out parts of them.
Fantastic imagery here! I feel like it depicts the power of a writer's imagination, capable of making walls their ideas roll along, even if only meant figuratively.
Absolutely crushing lines. It illustrates the writer as a parent figure to their ideas, devastated at the loss of their lively presence of their kid. All they have now is a box having parts of the piece that didn't make the cut of editing.
Ending on a note of bittersweet hope, stunningly executed. The reader knows it's an impossible wish yet they stand alongside the writer, waiting for the day that'll never come. This takes courage, to hope knowing it'll not be fulfilling.
Overall, this is a heartfelt poem. It's got the target audience of a writer as it lays down the emotional struggles we go through behind the scenes. There could be no better place to publish this. It was very relatable and was in spoke directly to my soul. Hope to read and review more from you very soon. But for now, this is all.
Hello!!
I'm Logan, and I'm going to write a review for your awesome poem! (You may cheer)
First off, one of the things I noticed was that the stanzas don't have an equal amount of lines. The last two do, but the first one is just about half the size of the others. This seems to give the illusion of something growing or being added to as it goes. It might not have been intentional, but I think that's a great touch for this poem!
One of the things I adore seeing in poetry is repetition. Whether that's of an initial consonant (aka alliteration), a starting or ending line of a stanza, or some visual throughout the poem. Obviously there are a lot more options that that! You start each of the three stanzas with "My ideas start out" and then some description of how they start out. Then, the second line is a repetition of adjectives. In the first two stanzas, you repeat "*thing* and *thing*", most in the form of "*adjective* and *adjective*" to describe your ideas. This helps it flow and group together thoughts of how they ideas look, seem, behave, or are
The most relatable lines of this are "yet that's not enough,/it never is" because of how accurately it describes ideas. Ideas never seem to be enough, no matter how many other words you can use to describe them. To go along with this, you have a ton of awesome imagery used to represent how you feel when the ideas don't exactly work out. Again, this is very relatable because tons of ideas don't work out as they were supposed to.
I think you did an amazing job representing how ideas come and go, and how they can leave you feeling so uninspired and alone when they don't work out. Then you for writing this!
Have an awesome day/night,
Logan!
Hi!
I really like the premise of this poem! Almost as if there is a alternate world where ideas exist as bubbles, and soft wisps of light that float around in a space where everything seems light and beautiful. Perfect world building there!
You've shown two worlds, both equal unearthly and ethereal(as you mentioned), and then how they 'fall out of orbit' and solidify into something you may or may not like anymore.
I really, really like this interpretation of our imagination and ideas, a world that is only ours, a world that we can marvel. But as soon as we get too close, and try to make them 'earthly' in a sense, they are clumsy and don't fit. Very impressive.
I don't think I have much to say about the writing style and the tone (I'm not much of an expert in those things), other than the fact that it is very pleasant, and straightforward.
Looking forward to see more of your poems!
Hi! I love your avatar (nothing related to poem lol)...it's CATS here, and here to review your awesome poem! Just looking at the title drew me in, thinking it is very descriptive. Let's see...
It's so dreamy and imaginative! Full of creativity and description, as I thought so. Love the freedom of this poem, not really any rhyming or pattern. Just...FREE!!! I love it!
Honestly, I think it's relatable. You get an idea...then POOF! It's gone and you are left with a blank space in your mind.
Overall, I love this poem and am excited to see more! Happy Writing!
Love,
CATS