Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language.
wipe your tears
stop fucking crying
you're worth more than that
don't let your makeup streak
-
keep your chin up
don't let them see the hell in your eyes
you're a better at acting than that
don't let your smile falter
-
glue your heart together
and stop caring so goddamned much
you can breathe without their help
don't let your scars show
-
set your own standards
stop trying to raise to their shitty level
you can raise their expectations
don't let your ego be unsettled
-
do what you want
buy yourself some damn starbucks
you don't need permission
don't let your independence dissapear
-
build a castle
where no one can tear down your walls
becuase you don't need anyone
you do not need anyone
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Hello, Nire is here to review.
The title of your piece is really good and I almost loved it! The subject you have chosen, is nice too. I had a great feeling while I was reading it. You have used a nice pattern too. There are couple of lines which I found interesting enough. If only I can mention them..
And
Anyway, I really think you have written this poetry in a hurry. Don't you think? Here's why-
And,
And again, I'm confused about this line:
Did you actually want to use "Raise?" As this word is showing some different meaning to me. Whatever, it was a nice read and inspirational.
Hope you'll edit the few errors you've made!
~Have a nice day or night~
-Nire the Fire witch.
that was some good encouragement for a broken heart. personally i feel even myself in need of something similar and positive so i felt a good connection to this poem
however i suggest some points which needs some thought like-
"glue your heart together"- you may use instead_ " stick the broken pieces of your heart"
i like the expression you used here just the work 'glue" seemed quiet childish.
"don't let your independence disappear" -" the work disappear" sounds off to my ear. i would rather suggest use the word " surrender"
overall, i liked your poem. you have quite good potential and a pain, either of which leads to good poetry. i would be looking forward to see more of your works.
keep writing
rituparna