Mailice here with a short review!
I don't know what I was getting into when I started reading your story. I was very surprised by the subject matter and meaning and must say that I liked how you told an exciting and calm story through an interesting writing style.
I especially liked how you created something very vivid through your descriptions, which became very readable through your sentence structure, which you wrote in a wave form (sometimes short, sometimes long). It didn't feel like a build-up of tension, but more like an attempt to give more depth to the characters in this short story.
You created the necessary atmosphere right away with your opening paragraph to make the characters more alive. I liked how it also transitioned into the dialogue. I liked that you could tell they had different ways of speaking, which made the scene feel a bit like a play. I liked that kind of feeling you created and how it all came together. It's like a jigsaw puzzle, I felt, where you had a lot of different pieces that you put together to make a whole. You have the guiding star, the characters, etc... and it all makes sense together.
Your writing style was calm and relaxed, and I was very excited to see how much effort you put into giving the characters so much character for this short story.
Two points that stood out to me:
The house was quiet, not silent, but quiet.
I like your opening sentence and think it's a good effect that you repeat yourself here.
The whole house was asleep, every room dark except for the living room.
I'm not a big fan of repeating yourself within a sentence with the same word without it sounding like a repetition (compared to my first quote. ) I would there, because you're trying to build tension, rewrite it at the end to "every room dark except for one, the living room." That would give a bit of the effect you already created in your opening sentence.
Have fun writing!