Young Writers Society

Hi eilisBK,

Mailice here with a short review!

That was a very philosophical story you wrote here. A little different than expected, but that makes it unique in a certain way. The tone here is from a particular point of view; calm. There is this relaxedness and timelessness that you have written here. As a reader, you don't know where or who the characters are, which helps the story to be read no matter where or when.

You are addressing a question here that many have had before you, but you show that it doesn't always have to go by a cliché to have an effect on the reader. From the little you get to know of the characters and how they speak, you learn some details that can assume that it is hard to explain what love is for at least the responder. I liked the self-reflection in places as it continued to exude that calmness that you could see everywhere else. I don't think it detracted from the text in any way.

I think with short stories like this, it's always quite hard to find something that could really be changed or not, because the message you want to express here falls into a different direction, like most short stories.

Other points I noticed while reading:

“Have you ever fallen in love?” The question startled me from my reverie.
“What?”
“Have you ever fallen in love?” His eyes remained fixed on the sunset, always staring straight ahead.

It was then that his eyes, his eyes filled with storms and pain and something else I couldn’t place, met mine.

He whispered. The world around us was so still. Just us, the burning sky and the unknown beneath the deathly thin line we walked.

Hi, eilisBK, Pineapple here for a short review!

First off, I really enjoyed reading your short story. I thought it was beautifully crafted and well-written. You seem to really describe "love" in your writing piece.

I love how it started off with just one simple question. Which then blossomed into a deep conversation about what it feels like to love another person so deeply. I also like how the main character begins to question if they had ever been in love, relaying all the time they had been in a romantic relationship.

My favorite line was "Love is nice because one day you'll meet that person. That person that you fight with, that you cry with, that you laugh with." The line sums up meeting your person perfectly and in a heartfelt way.

Overall, I thought this was a very sweet poem. It definitely made me smile. Keep up the great work!

Signed,
Pineapple

Mmmmh this is some good content right here!

The introduction is perfect! The dialogue is amazing, and the theme is portrayed very well! It's a shame I don't know who these people are but if it's part of a bigger work like you've said most of your bits will be, then I'm all on board with finding out who they are in the future!

The way the man described love seems pretty accurate for me. I had the unfortunate circumstance of wanting to jump into oblivion with someone that was always unsure, and eventually decided to move on. It might take a while but I'll maybe one day get back up on that line.

Keep up the good work!

Heyyyy! Forever here for a review.
So, the critiques first. I have got only a couple of them.

“Falling in love is like walking a paper thin line above oblivion.

That person that wriggles into the darkest corners of You no matter how hard you try to keep them out.