As Jarid’s mind sat on the edge of oblivion, one worry kept nagging at him, refusing to let go. The fear of what would happen if he did let go. Would he end up killing someone like last time? It was slowly pulling him back to reality, but then he remembered what Brazor had told him. That he would ensure neither of them would be harmed. Jarid knew he could trust his teacher to keep himself safe.
Slowly his last worry faded, and he felt himself fall into the peaceful black void. His last conscious thought was to wonder at how natural it felt.
The first thing Jarid noticed was the smell as his eyes adjusted to the dark surroundings. It smelled like a cleaner version of the dragon den at the academy. It was the smell of many dragons in a small space. There was also the scent of ink, musty paper and candle smoke.
The stars shone through the open arched windows of the castle classroom. The only light in the room came from a small chandelier in the center of the celling. But that was fine. He was a Night Wing after all, and had excellent night vision. The only difference was that he had white scales.
His tutor, a wrinkled old Night Wing with glasses, was reading something from an old scroll, but that didn’t interest him in the slightest. What captured his interest instead was his brother Crepuscule sneakily passing him a note with his tail. He looked like he was slightly older than Shadow now and had only grown more mischievous. With a sly smile Jarid opened the letter.
“Doesn’t he remind you of a Prune? Probably smells old and dried out too,” It read, though Jarid wasn’t sure how he understood it. He could tell the writing was in dragon, but it was far more complex than the simple letters he had learned alongside Shadow. Somehow it made the joke all the more hilarious.
Jaird tried to stifle his giggle; for the description of their tutor seemed quite accurate. Unfortunately, he was heard and the gnarled teacher quickly singled him out. Just before the grumpy old dragon could yell at him, Crepuscule casually tripped him up. The teacher’s face, whether intentionally or not, landed directly into another student’s snack of overripe tomatoes. The entire class erupted in laughter as the red fruit splattered over the wrinkly dragon’s horns and scales. The now livid teacher ordered them both to see the king for punishment. For most dragons, they would never be sent to the king for such a small prank, but for them it was a common occurrence.
“Oops. Good thing bruises don’t show up well on black scales. Oh, right. Heh, heh. Yours are white! Don’t worry little dragon of destiny. I’ll protect you,” Crepuscule whispered in a mock-heroic voice.
Jarid chuckled back. His brother always seemed to get him both into trouble, and back out of it again. More recently, Crepuscule had started hanging out with the popular bullies at school. Jarid didn’t enjoy being around those dragons, but he knew Crepuscule would never become like them. He was a wonderful older brother, and no one could ever convince him otherwise.
When they reached the throne room, Crepuscule was told to wait outside. He snuck in a wink just before the door closed.
The room was a single massive, hallway with a throne at the end. It was lit by many massive chandeliers made of black metal, and Flags of all the different dragon tribes hung high on the stone walls. The stone was black brick and neither warm nor cold while the throne looked carved out of a single boulder of the same material. The throne itself was long enough for a fully grown dragon to lounge on and covered with a single bloodred silk sheet.
The king who sat upon the throne was a fully grown Night Wing, but not old, and very strong. His scales glistened like obsidian in the flickering candlelight from the chandeliers and his wings covered his back like a dark cloak. He looked down at the approaching dragonet with piercing green eyes which made Jarid want to shrink into the shadows like the other Night Wings, but it was impossible with his shimmering white scales.
Then the king rubbed the bridge of his nose with his thumb and index finger with a disappointed sigh.
“What am I to do with you boys,” he said shaking his head. Normally, the king wouldn’t be bothered to dispense punishment on disobedient dragons, but there was one crucial detail that merited his involvement.
“Sorry… Dad,” Jarid replied. But as his father began lecturing him, Jarid felt the world fading.
Fading back into darkness.
“Jarid! Jarid!”
Jarid heard a far-off voice whisper. But the darkness around him was so comfortable he just wanted to let it wrap him up again.
“Jarid! Come on boy. Wake up!” The voice shouted again. Jarid recognized the voice this time, it was Brazor. Yeah… that was nice.
Wait… Brazor?
Something about that name struck a chord in Jarid’s mind. He tried to remember what it was. Then, suddenly, all his memories came rushing back. Jarid jerked upright feeling as though he had just been ejected out of a deep dark lake. He gasped and clutched his head as all his thoughts came rushing back all at once giving him a headache.
“Ohhhh. What? What happened?” Jarid groaned, still confused. Then came the entire body ache and dead tiredness he was now starting to expect from overusing his mana. It wasn’t as bad as last time but it still made him lay back down immediately.
“Are you alright kid?” Brazor asked with concern in his voice.
“Yeah. I’ll be fine.” Jarid replied with much difficulty. His throat felt as if a Flame Wing had dragged their scales along it against the grain. He saw Brazor sit down in relief beside him.
“I wasn’t sure if you were gonna wake up kid. As for what happened. Well…” Brazor looked off into the distance as he considered what to say. “Hmmm. I suppose the first thing I should say is you are going to be fine. You don’t need to worry about hurting your friends if you listen to your soul song. However, you should try not to use it unless you must. All I can say for now, is that there is a part of you that will deliver justice to those truly deserving. You will have to learn to accept that and work with it when the time comes. And when that time does come, all your questions will be answered.”
“I… I had a dream. Or a vision or something. It happened last time too. A white dragon and a black dragon playing and learning together. And I was the white dragon,” Jarid spoke shakily. He was still unsure of what he had experienced himself.
Brazor laid a hand on his shoulder. “I’m not surprised. That too will become clear when the time is right. Sorry I can’t tell you more. It simply isn’t the time for you to learn about that yet. Although, I do hope the time when you completely understand who you are, comes soon. For all our sakes…” Brazor spoke with a far-off look.
His words left Jarid with far more questions than answers. Why was he different than other Dragonthro, and what were those dreams? Who were those two dragons? Why was he dreaming about them? Why did he feel more like himself in the dream that time? More and more questions circled in Jarid’s mind over and over until he finally gave up.
Hopefully, like Brazor said, they would be answered with time. For now, Jarid took Brazor’s offered hand as he helped him to his feet.
“Best to put the whole thing out of your head for a while. That state is a powerful weapon but should only be used as a last resort. Just looking at you I can tell you won’t be in fighting shape for a while. Take the rest of the day to meditate. I can show you some more about enchanting if you want, but your body needs to rest.”
Jarid nodded as he stretched painfully and started walking slowly to his room. His throat was dry, and every step made the muscles in his body clench up as if threatening to cramp. He could barely move and talk, much less fight. For the reminder of the day, he rested and listened to Brazor explain enchanting.
After that, things went back to their normal routine. Jarid continued practicing his magic and meditation while studying the element of fire. He even achieved the first stage of the Dragonthro transformation!
As the day he was set to leave approached, he grew more and more excited to show the rest of Black Squad how much he had learned. However, three days before he planned to leave, a loud knock on the doors of the temple interrupted Jarid and Brazor’s morning sparring session.
“I’ll go find the temple keeper. You keep practicing. I’ve got some other things I need to do as well so I may not be back for a while,” Brazor yawned as he broke into a brisk jog towards the rear of the temple. Brazor had spent the previous night making sure all of Jarid’s gear was ready to go for his trip back to the academy. Jarid was so grateful to him for all he had done.
Jarid waved goodbye and continued to practice his flame enhanced martial arts. He felt as though he could take on a fully grown dragon with ease now. But it was hard to concentrate with the thunderous knocking.
‘BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!’
“I am coming! I am coming!” The temple keeper growled loudly as he arrived at the entryway. The old dragon seemed tired and annoyed at the interruption.
“What is it?” he hissed as he yanked open the door.
Outside stood a young guard who made a strange salute as the temple keeper opened the door.
“I have an order from her majesty, Queen Sear. The human is to be brought before her for questioning as soon as possible. Please see to it that he is delivered to the palace.”
The temple keeper seemed to tense up for a moment before returning to his annoyed demeaner. “Very well. I will see to it. May the scales of the white dragon protect you and all that,” he said, closing the door with a tired sigh. The temple keeper glanced at Jarid with a compassionate and almost sorry expression before shaking himself and sprinting into the rear of the temple.
Jarid was about to follow him but quickly realized that it might be a good idea to grab his things before the dragon took him to the queen. Luckily, Brazor had finished all the repairs, and everything was sitting ready to go in his room.
Jarid sat on his saddle by the temple doors waiting for the old dragon to return. Instead, Brazor burst around the corner looking as though he had just thrown on his bath robe. His face had a look of relief when he spotted Jarid.
“Ah, there you are. Good to see you are ready to go. It may be a little early, but I thought this would be the perfect opportunity for you to take your leave. I will escort you to the edge of Flame Wing territory. We should move quickly so they do not spot us.” Brazor seemed uncharacteristically worried and had urgency in his movements.
“Sorry Brazor. I must see the dragon I arrived with before I leave. And I plan on leaving with the keeper of the temple when I do,” Jarid said apologetically yet determinedly.
“I apologise but you will not be able to see your dragon friend. It is far too dangerous for a young man like you to walk alone through the city, much less the palace. Any one of those dragons may try to make a meal of you.”
“Then come with me.”
“No. Walking into the palace as a human is practically a death sentence. The queen is not the fondest of humans after what happened to her previous mate, and I refuse to deliver you into her claws,” Brazor replied with a little annoyance.
“Well, I’m going whether you like it or not,” Jarid declared, holding his ground.
“No, you’re not.” Brazor growled warningly.
In all the time he had spent with him, Jarid had never seen Brazor this serious, or angry, before. He should have just let it go, but his curiosity and stubbornness got the better of him.
“Yes, I am!” He shot back.
Brazor closed his eyes and growled deep in his chest as magic power started flowing off him.
“No. You are not,” he whispered in a deadly quiet voice.
“Yes I…” Jarid stared but as the first word left his lips Brazor crouched down before leaping up, but his feet never actually left the ground. Rather, his body grew to many times its size in the blink of an eye. Scales covered every inch of skin as his robe fell away. Wings sprouted from his back and his newly formed tail swept along the floor. Horns sprouted from the back of his head and his eyes blazed.
Brazor the dragon landed with a loud thud on his front talons; his face inches from Jarid’s.
“No… you are not!” He roared in dragon.
Jarid had held arguments with angry dragons before and wasn’t scared when they roared at him. Even though he was shocked by Brazor’s transformation, that didn’t mean he was going to let him win. He took a deep breath and summoned a little wind magic to help.
“Yes, I am!” He roared back.
To his surprise Brazor fell back in shock. It took a moment for Jarid to realise that they had both just roared in dragon.
“You… you…” Brazor stammered in human. Jarid put his hands on his hips also switching back to human.
“Yes, I can speak dragon. Sorry I kept it a secret, but I just never really thought to tell you. Besides, I don’t think speaking dragon can really compare to being able to turn into one!” Jarid said incredulously, gesturing at Brazor’s dragon form.
It was then Jarid realised he recognised that form. Brazor was the keeper of the temple! Now that Jarid thought about it, it seemed so obvious.
“Explain. Now. Wait… actually, explain on the way to the palace. I heard what the guard said. We are going to see the queen.”
“But I told you…” Brazor began.
“And I’m telling you, I can take care of myself. I got here just fine on my own, didn’t I? And after your training there is even less chance of me getting into trouble. The queen just wants to ask me some questions, right? I’m sure she is simply curious about my ability to speak dragon.”
“She knows?!”
“Obviously.” Jarid rolled his eyes sarcastically. “Why else do you think she would want to ask me questions. Pretty hard for me to answer if I can’t speak dragon. Now, come on. I’m sure we don’t have much time.”
Brazor sighed and nodded while rubbing his temples. Jarid tossed his saddle on Brazor’s back and strapped it in place before climbing on.
“Hmmm. I guess this is how it feels to be a dragon with a rider. Never thought of it this way.” Brazor remarked. Then he set his eyes forward, opened the temple door and closed it behind them before walking across the molten lake bridge.
Jarid had forgotten to activate his mana cloak and nearly choked on the hot air as it slammed into him. He took a few minutes to adjust before tapping Brazor on the shoulder. Brazor glanced back as Jarid raised his eyebrow awaiting an explanation.
Brazor sighed. “Well, I suppose you deserve some answers. For this secret at least. Prepare yourself. None but the king and the other Dragonthro know the full story I’m about to tell. This is the story of the seven Dragonthro of the Magic Academy, their leader Mordon, and the destruction of the Magic City.
End of chapter
Continue to next chapter Shadow's Rising {Wing 5} Chapter 7Points:
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I want to start with saying how pleasant the beginning of your chapter is. I like the flow of the sentences, even though I haven’t read any of the other chapters. In such cases I’m ofc always feeling a bit lost but it feels less severe here

feels odd. The first sentence is very unspecific “something from an old scroll”? What thing? Then the fact that the MC is surprised to see how old his brother is which is weirdly phrased and just has me thinking “why doesn’t he know this?”Hm you might want to decide if you capitalize “Night Wing” or not. You can’t have both
So, I said I wasn’t lost and the writing itself is fine but I feel this entire paragraph starting with
Ah there are some missing capitalisations at the beginnings of sentences here and there and you also might want to check how to properly do dialogue punctuation. It’s not hard to learn :3
…I actually don’t like how the students are tormenting their teacher. Even if he looks like a prune xd At least it feels like the MC also starts to realise that this might not be the way.
I also find it interesting that being unruly in class lands you infront of the king himself. Ah continue reading and the answer shall reveal itself =D
Ahhh so this was some sort of dream sequences/memory brought on by the training he’s doing with Brazor? (Cool name btw!)
So far, I like how this is going. It’s just this sentence that I’m tripping over: It feels too… on the nose.
Oh I like where this is going. I was wondering because the names of the students felt so different. It doesn’t quite explain why Jarid doesn’t know the size/age of his brother but it’s a bit more tolerable.
Why do I feel like he’s just overestimating himself here:
Oh I wonder what it means that Jarid dreams of being a white dragon and they have a lore about how the white dragon protects them!
I also like that Jarid just says “Then come with me” to the prospect of potentially being eaten. I like what that says about him!
I feel everything from the moment that Brazor and Jarid start arguing is happening too fast for me. Especially about being the temple keeper or the reveal that Jarid speaks dragon. I don’t feel like these things have enough time to really settle in and shine.
Thanks so much for the review!
As always when you join a story, things can feel a bit chaotic. I liked your tips about being sent to the king is unusual and how Night Wing was missing it's capitals. I will need to go back over everything to spell check more thoroughly.
As for the speed at the end, I honestly ran out of time to fit everything I needed to in the first half of this Wing. So I ended up cramming a bit. Maybe I can shift things around at the end to give myself more room later though.
Hello Again, My Friend!
It’s me, Raven, and I’m here to review the next chapter in this great story, using my Familiar method! Let’s dive right in, shall we?
~ A full analysis and breakdown
WOAH!! Not only do we see the mystery of Crepuscule and the white Night Wing deepen...We get to see Brazor's full transformation, and the identity of that temple keeper!! Only three days until Jarid's set to leave, potentially even sooner, and it seems things are already going awry...Let's get into the details though.
Plot and Pacing: Great! The timeskip was definitely much longer in this chapter, but especially at this point with so much buildup, I like that it cuts to the gritty stuff rather than swapping to filler.
Descriptions and Setting: Awesome!! The Night Wing school, and especially the king with his throne? Gorgeous. I loved that part. Brazor's transformation was also done so well, it really caught me off-guard!
Characterization: Ooo, it was super interesting to follow that conflict toward the end! On one hand, it's a bit nerve-wracking, given Brazor may have a point to be worried—we don't know what Sear wants, and clearly she's not a fan of humans. On the other hand, it's kinda cool to see Jarid sticking to his guns and making his own decisions. Like Brazor may be his mentor, but definitely not his boss.
As for Brazor, though he did get snappy with Jarid, I love the focus on how it's just out of worry, thinking Jarid could be in trouble. The frantic rush to leave, the hesitation even after Jarid reveals that he can speak dragon...Seems he's really grown fond of him.
Grammar and Wording: I only caught one minor thing, which I dropped into the next section. Otherwise, looks good!
~ Some nitpicks and little recommendations
Not much to put here at all! Let’s break it down…
I think this sentence should be capitalized, and maybe a "the" put in front of "grumpy old dragon."
That’s all! Great writing job ~
~ My reactions, theories, and favorite parts
Aaaa, another vision!! It sounds like Crepuscule, despite being a charming brotherly figure in the eyes of this white dragon, had an affinity for trouble. Hmmm, just how much worse did that trait get, either behind the scenes where this white dragon couldn't see, or perhaps later between them and the dragon king?
As for reactions...
I enjoy how each vision seems to cover a timeframe progressively later in their lives, like Jarid is rebuilding these memories from scratch. I also like that they focus on such mundane things, just memories of the two dragons being innocent and brotherly. Perhaps implying that this white dragon really looked up to Crepuscule and enjoyed spending time with him...
I have the feeling I'm going to be recalling that later, and it's suddenly going to seem more sad than cute lol.
Dragon of destiny? So even back then, this white dragon was significant (00 )
WOAH! I mean, I had the feeling the two were nobility, but seeing that the king is their dad, that certainly opens up a lot of possibilities—and a can of worms to go with it XD
Uh...Brazor, what the heck did you see?? O.O
Okay, these words! These feel oddly specific...Potentially even prophetic >.>
WOAH!! Okay, he ACTUALLY turned into a dragon, this is getting real!! O.O
.....*that moment where it actually does seem obvious in hindsight* XD
Hahaaa, sassy Jarid! I enjoyed this part, if only because it's so different from his typical demeanor lol.
Oh snap, we finally get to hear the story?!?! Ooo....
MadThoughts...Overall, I can't wait to see what Brazor is about to tell Jarid here! Also curious what he'll find back in the palace. Smolder, Sear, Hearth? Good, bad, meh?? Anyway, nicely done!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."
So glad you enjoyed! This was one of my favorite chapters to write.
So... If you want to know what Brazor witnessed (and thus the reveal it implies) I would love to share, but if not that's totally fine too.
Ooo...On one hand, tempted to hold off just to search for more clues in-story. On the other hand, just knowing how far off the big reveal is, it is SO tempting...

Alright, I wouldn't mind hearing it!
Here it is!
It will be revealed later that the white dragon is similar to the avatar (from Avatar the last Airbender). The past white dragons lend their power and wisdom to the current one with the more recent past lives being louder. The white dragon appears among the Night Wings every few centuries and can use the abilities of all dragons and is connected to the mana of the world itself.
Spoiler
Jarid eventually realizes that he has been chosen as the next White Dragon through the Night Wing blood in his veins and whenever he blacks out it is the spirits of the previous white dragons that are controlling his body. The visions he is seeing are the memories of the previous white dragon, shown to him so he will understand who Crepuscule is and how he came to be.
The previous White Dragon was a friend to humans and tried to unite the species when the two had conflict. Sadly his brother saw humans as lesser and started a war with them, earning him the nickname, Warmonger.
Now Jarid has been chosen to unite both races and prevent a war that will destroy them both. But Jarid struggles with accepting his heritage and role, which will be a big struggle near the end of the series. In the end, he must decide who wins, and who loses everything.
Spoiler
I likewise would not have guessed that the White Dragon had an Avatar sort of all-elements affinity. That makes so much sense now!!
Spoiler
Basically, the spirit of the White Dragon spoke to him while emanating such power that Brazor couldn't help but fall to his knees. It's voice resembled a chorus of thunder cracking against unshakable mountains. Each voice held the authority of a king and the wisdom of centuries.
The White dragon then explained to Brazor that Jarid was chosen but his body was too weak for their power to manifest safely within him. Only the body of a white dragon is strong enough to wield their power fully. But they warned Brazor against telling Jarid about this because he would end up trying to use this power (even for good reasons) and end up destroying himself. Jarid was the key to the end of the conflict between dragons and humans, and thus must be protected at all costs. He must also grow stronger until he is able to bring forth their power. Only then could the future be saved.
And with that the spirit of the White Dragon disappeared, leaving Jarid uncurious on the floor. Brazor collected himself and waited there for Jarid to awaken once more.
Spoiler