We're all good Americans.

by deletedaug23

Published June 8, 2015

In Summer is great for self loaving 2015

I sit in the Fish,
staring at the book collection,
wanting to buy this Holy Bible.

Benefits:

-I learn a bit more about religion
-makes me seem intelligent
-Helpful when it comes to argument
-makes me a good American.

Or, I could buy this Jane Austen collection

Benefits:

-has a cool, collectible cover.
-I heard Jane Austen was okay.

"95 cents"
the cashier says
as I walk out with the text
of Pride and Prejudice
under my arm.

Comments & reviews · 7
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Lightsong
Review
Lightsong wrote a review Review · Jun 11, 2015

Oh, this is nice simple poem that would bring no trouble for me to review! :) Here we go.

I assume Fish is a bookshop. I don't know the reason you give it a name and not just say "bookshop" but it sounds redundant if you change it to "bookshop" because of the next line that has "book collection" in it. Eventually, I think it's fine.

For one thing, the benefits of having a Holy Bible surpasses those of having Jane Austen book. I thought that's the reason you put in the benefits lists, so that it'll be easier to choose which book to buy. Because of that, the revelation of you buying a Pride and Prejudice novel comes out of a sudden. Better to explain why this happens.

Apart from that, the poem format is fine. It fits what you're trying to get. :)

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Curiosity227
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Curiosity227 commented Comment · Jun 10, 2015

Very nice poem and title.

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Rurouni
Comment
Rurouni commented Comment · Jun 9, 2015

One word Strangle Love:

Wow.

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Caesar
Comment
Caesar commented Comment · Jun 9, 2015

not sure if you're criticizing the holy bible or jane austen.

I honestly don't know

Caesar replied · Jun 9, 2015

I can tell

Why not both?

Caesar replied · Jun 9, 2015

probably my greatest issue with this is it seems you favored form over content. Your message wasn't clear to me, as synthetically as it was conveyed. It may just be I'm a pleb who doesn't get poetry though.

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GreenTulip
Review
GreenTulip wrote a review Review · Jun 9, 2015

Hello, Tulip here to review your poem! It is a very interesting poem, and it's format is different. Not different in a bad way though. It's a very god thing this time.

So at first I thought this was going to be some cheesy poem about how we act as good Americans bah blah. Then I started reading it. And I enjoyed it.

Every bit is true. The Bible does offer you so much, but why should we be good Americans with it when our politicians are corrupted and need it in their lives? The Jane Austen bit was funny but totally accurate.

Best of luck to you in future poems,
Tulip.

User avatar
raevynstar
Review
raevynstar wrote a review Review · Jun 8, 2015

I don't know what the Fish is, but I could figure it out, sort of. Maybe change that? If you want to; it's not a big problem.

The poem really captured...I don't know how to describe it, but it did capture something about human nature, and it was a good poem, if that makes any sense.
Sorry this review isn't longer. I don't know what else to write.

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Vervain
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Vervain commented Comment · Jun 8, 2015

But hey, it has a collectible cover.

The collectible cover is what sells it. I've been known to buy books because the cover is interesting.



Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna lay down and become a tomato for a while.
— RokitaVivi