Weight loss program for champions.

Hello again Strange! What a completely peevish and outrageously overblown squibble we shared the other day. I'm here to review.

I like this. I like it for different reasons. Mainly I just found it funny, starts disgusting, the whole way through holds the attention with story telling, then finishes with humour. It was cool! I like your unnecessary statistic thing, it's quite interesting and for some reason works. Maybe because I don't expect it to be there? It's a good technique. I mean the 110 seconds, the 40 pounds, 80 days, etc.

No problem with punctuation or grammar that I could find; it was pretty perfect in that respect. Honestly, the poem doesn't really have a theme per say, so I'm unsure as to how you could better it? In a more 'proper' literary sense you could expand on the vocabulary but I'd prefer not to because it works better comically with simple straightforward lines. In fact that's THE reason it works; it's so simple, said in a short, blunt manner. Keeping this kind of style without going off on a fantastic literary tangent at some point may have proven difficult, as from what I've seen in your portfolio you actually do have a very expansive vocabulary, so well done on that too.

My favourite part was the 110 seconds at the end. I don't know why, the humour style was just executed at its best here. I've never seen you write something like this before, but I urge you to try yet again. I think this is funny but it lacks any kind of noticeable flow. Humour is great but when I read poetry I want to be dragged along by the elegance of each stanza, the literary current, not just the content. Flow is of extreme importance, to me at least. I guess the only way to improve that would be to revise back over it and see if some word would fit better or you could work in a rhyming scheme or... something. Just something for the flow.

Overall good piece, I enjoyed it. It didn't hit me as anything crazily special but that's because for some styles even the poetry of highest quality will fail to make a person's heart skip a beat, especially haikus for the record . Thanks for the entertainment though, hope I helped!

Yours in ink,
TS.

I love your works!

This one is particulary great.

Hello!
This is hilarious. I don't even know why. It just was. (I have a very odd sense of humor I guess... ) It was very well written!
I only have one little nitpick...

"I wrote a poem today.
It was a hundred words,
but felt like a thousand."

This is my favorite part, but I don't know what it has to do with the title... (losing weight anyway...) Though I don't think you should take it out...it's too funny. So it's not really incorrect, just something I found, I mean something that caught, well a piece of your poem that, never mind. I'm confusing myself again. (Please don't worry, this happens a lot )
Great poem overall. Keep writing!
~Snazzy
Stay awesome.
(I need a new ending note... )

Hello Strange, Wonderwoman here to review your poem. I will go straight into business.

1st:

I lost forty pounds today,
by swallowing tape worms.
It was oddly delicious.

I don't think this is humorous just gross. Weight loss though. <3

2nd:

I dine and dashed today.
Bill was fifty dollars over,
and the door was wide open.

I would change this to:

I dined and dashed today--
The bill was fifty dollars over,
And the door was wide open.

You have three thoughts here so it's a bit confusing but maybe put some dashes where that is. In the second stanza there I thought you were talking about someone until I saw the amount.

3rd:

I stabbed myself with a spork today.
Ninety stitches all around
my stomach and back.

I don't think you'd get ninety stitches but anyway moving on--

4th:

I wrote a poem today.
It was a hundred words,
but felt like a thousand.

This makes you lose weight? Cool!

5th:

I expressed my feelings today.
It took 110 seconds
to swallow my failure.

What failure? 110 seconds? That's fast. Anyway I hope my review helped. Keep writing and NEVER get discouraged!

~\/\/onder