Published August 9, 2015
Family members mourn
old Agatha's death
except for her granddaughter
22 year old Beth.
Beth had one too many
glasses of wine.
She's trashing Agatha
and the design.
"Too teal," she says
as she begins to drink.
Why is Beth like this?
Others couldn't begin to think.
Everybody in that parlor
didn't think it was real;
guess who got all the money
in Agatha's will?
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139,784 Literary Works • 672,764 Reviews
Nice poem, I regret not writing a review for it.
Keep up the amazing work! ^^
Hi! Blablabl92 here!
I really like your poem, its hilarious and I especially like the ending. Who doesn't like humorous poetry?
Anyways, the only things that you might want to change, is that you forgot punctuation after a few lines, where you might want to add some commas.
Also, the last stanza, which I loved, didn't rhyme. I wasn't sure if maybe you didn't want it to, but I feel it would be smoother if it did. Will and real kinda almost rhyme, but not quite.
Other than that, marvelous poem and I can't wait to read more of your work!
That is Halarious! omg thats really all i have to say, but i want to make it a review so i will pick it apart i guess.
great job
"Family members mourn
old Agatha's death
except for her granddaughter
22 year old Beth."
honestly wasnt even expecting the rhyme, so yes it made it ten times better.
"Beth had one too many
glasses of wine.
She's trashing Agatha
and the design."
This is going to sound awful but i kinda want to hear what she said about agatha....
""Too teal," she says
as she begins to drink.
Why is Beth like this?
Others couldn't begin to think."
This is just leading up to the best part...
maddie
Okay......interesting theme! I must say you did a good job of rhyming, and the lyrics are.........interesting to say in the least.
Just a few things: What does "She's trashing Agath and the design" mean? What do you mean about the design? Is she referring to the construction of the grave or tomb, or something? Also, you've mixed up past and present tenses. Please correct those, as sometimes you say " she IS" and in other places you've written "they DIDN'T think". It confuses the reader.
Keep writing.
Mysticalxx
I honestly didn't see it confusing at all.
No, well, it might not be confusing, but the tenses ARE mixed up.
I'm not trying to be r00d, but I checked to see how my poetry was doing when I saw this. Considering the extremely loose example you provided, realize that it did happen in the final stanza. In no way does it extremely butcher the poem. It's like an epilogue of sorts.
Now, if you excuse me, I'm back to my break.
No, it doesn't butcher the poem, I never said that. Look, I didn't mean any offence. I was trying to be helpful. It's your poem, do whatever you want with it.