Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.
t's dark, very dark. The sound of a guitar plays, and a spotlight brights up the darkness. There's a white dog sitting on a stool, playing the guitar. Just plucking away at strings, the same few notes repeating. He eventually looks up at me, saying, "So, you've decided to move out? Get your own place? See the world? That's groovy. Who needs someone telling you what to do all the time. You can do what you want, when you want, where you want. Yeah, living on your own, being free. It feels great. …But living by yourself can be a real drag too. Still, if you've got some real tight friends somewhere nearby, then you know it'll all work out. Yeah man. Friends are far out. …Oh, I guess I'm kind of rambling. My bad. Later." He finally says. He then looks down to the floor, still strumming, and it fades to black again…
My eyes slowly open. It's daytime outside. Sunlight beams through all the windows, not one being covered. I don't even know where I'm going, nor do I care. Soft music plays through the speakers of the train. As I sit up, a sudden pain twists in my stomach, notifying me that I am famished. I take out a second granola bar - I ate the first one before I just crashed for the night on the railway. The train's almost empty. I'm on a long seat made of wood, and a soft green cushion that's built into the wood of the bench. I sink my teeth into the bar. The flavor of peanut butter fills my mouth. I look at the door at the end of the train car. It opens, and out comes a cat. It's about my height. It's eyes are red, and so is his shirt. It's fur is white and blue, and it smiles when he sees me. It closes the door and approaches me. "Hrmm… Uh… Excuse me… Do you have a second?" I nod, still chewing. "Could you help me out? Is it… Let's see now… nine twenty-three A.M. on Saturday, October seventeenth, two thousand and fifteen?" I check my phone.
"That's right!" I say.
"Say, thanks!" He says, laughing. "You're a big help…" I smile. This is one of those rare moments called respect that barely happens to me. "So, you mind if I sit here? I promise I won't fall asleep, tumble onto you, and start drooling on your shirt!" I look around.
There were plenty of vacant seats available, but company wouldn't hurt. "Please." I said. He then walks to the seat opposite of me - but facing me - and hops up.
"Thanks again! It sure is nice meeting friendly folk on the train…" I nod, swallowing the last of my food. "You aren't a psycho right? Just kidding!" He says. I laugh at that. My exact thoughts about him! "Say, by the way… what's your name?" He asks.
"Decco." I replied. He thought about it for a second, before saying "Hrmm… Well… Hrmmm… Decco… Now THAT is an odd name." He then laughed again. "Not that my opinion means much. What matters is, do YOU like the name Decco?" I thought about it for a second, and had to agree, I did like it. It's different, and I like it when people say it's unique. I haven't heard anyone else that has been called by the name
"Isn't it cool?" I boast, then immediately blush, bragging the last thing meaning to slip from my lips.
"Oh, I'm sorry!" He suddenly said. "Did I say it was odd? It's not odd! It's a great name for a boy! Really… It's a really great name." He laughs nervously.
"You know it!" I reply.
"By the way… if you don't mind me asking… where are you headed?"
I gasp slightly. I didn't even know myself! What if I had missed it? What if it's the next one and I didn't realize? That would be awkward. I pull out the white ticket from my pocket, and check it.
"Rainhill." I read aloud. "You're going to Rainhill?" He asks, reassuring I guess.
"That's right!" I said. "Hey!" He exclaims. "I know that place! Rainhill is one of my favorite vacation spots! So, what are you going to Rainhill for?"
"I'm moving."
"Hrmm.. Moving, huh? I hate moving. Pack boxes, unpack boxes. It never ends." I guess I would never earn the luxury of having boxes of stuff to move, since I had only two minutes to pack up. "Say! Where's your new place?" He asks.
"Don't know yet." I admit. His next expression is clearly shocked.
"What?!? You don't know yet? Are you out of your tree? Well, we obviously need to find you a place to live!!!" He obviously didn't know what happened not less that twenty-four hours ago. He thought for a second. Now, if it was possible for a light bulb to pop up above his head, now would be the time. "Oh, wait!" He says. "Boy, am I dense! This buddy of mine runs the shop in Rainhill! Let me give him a jingle! This will take me two seconds. Wait here, ok?"
I nod, and he hops off.
He walks over to the door where he emerged from, opens it, and then walking in, shuts it. He then turns to a wall. I hear the booping of buttons.
Hey there, Nook! …It's me! I don't want to eavesdrop, so I focus on the moving greenery outside. I could hear keywords like "Hasn't found a place to live" and "tight spot." I believe Decco was said, as well as really and cool! He then comes out, closes the door, and walks back on over.
"Ok, I'm back! Miss me? Well, good news for you!" He takes his seat again. '"It sounds like my buddy has some brand-new houses for sale, dirt cheap!" He must've seen my eyes light up at the words 'dirt cheap'. "The works all done, but he hasn't been able to rent them. He wants to unload them, so he's willing to take a loss. You have money, right?" Right then, I felt cornered.
I say "Oh, yeah" just so I don't make it any worse.
"Then you'll be just fine!" He says. That makes me feel scared that I would've been fine if I had brought more money. Then he suddenly exclaims "Oh! Looks like we're about to pull into Rainhill! Did I mention I love this place?"
I nod.
"Remember, things are never as bad as they seem. Honestly! Good luck and all that!" He says. "Maybe we'll run into each other again sometime!"
I nod, hopefully. I stand up, pulling my bag to my level.
"Well, goodbye!" He says.
The train starts to slow down as I move and wait at the door. It comes to a stop, and I step out into a new life. I step onto the brick floor of the train station. "Rainhill! Now arriving at Rainhill! Welcome to Rainhill! Watch your step!"
End of chapter
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Hello! I'm Emily and I'll be reviewing your chapter today. Just a heads up, I have played animal crossing for a grand total of five minutes so I might not get all the references and fanfiction characteristics, but I will do my best to review! Alright, let's get down to it.
Grammar stuff:
"The sound of a guitar plays, and a spotlight brights up the darkness."
'Brights' is grammatically incorrect in this context. You could use 'lights' and it would be correct.
"It's eyes are red, and so is his shirt. It's fur is white and blue,"
These two 'it's' should be 'its'. You are confusing contraction with possessive.
Overall critiques:
There are a couple of paragraphs that are fairly long, then end with dialogue. Consider breaking the dialogue into its own paragraph to make it easier on the reader.
Another thing is all the anthropomorphic animals. The narrator doesn't really know what's going on or where he is, so shouldn't he be a bit surprised to see a walking, talking cat? Unless our narrator doesn't come from a world like ours, in which case it's fine.
I think that's about it! This was a really fun read. The way the different characters talk (I assume that is also from Animal Crossing) give them a real sense of distinction and character. I hope it was helpful. Keep writing!
I love the idea of making something as weird as Animal Crossing be like a real thing. Like this could happen. There's the background story of the main character too. We never know what happened before and I like that. I can't wait to read more of it.
thanks! I'm trying!
Wow... I was wondering in the prologue why you'd said the currency was Bells... and now I get it. This is a pretty... mature... fanfiction of Animal Crossing...

This is like the "setting up" part of the game. I like how you managed to turn it into an actual, more realistic type of conversation.

First, I noticed in a bunch of places you spelled "it's" instead of "its" where this word is meant to be possessive. "It's" (with an apostrophe) is the short version of "it is"... but this is a pretty common mistake among many of us.
"I nod, hopefully. I stand up, pulling my bag to my level." These sentences are a little confusing. Okay, the first sentence just needs the comma omitted, while the second one is the actual confusing one. What exactly does "my level" mean? You might want to change that wording to make it more clear.
This may just be me, but I would like to say that I would prefer a minimal amount of cuss words. Honestly, I think your story is actually pretty interesting, and is good without the strong language.
Oh wow... I just looked back at the italicized beginning of Ch. 1, and suddenly realized that the white dog is KK, right? Nice...
And yet another moment of epiphany for me!
Good luck with this, and welcome to YWS! I'll be sure to check in for more of this story. It has a lot of promise in it!
Hey!
I know! Finally someone found it to be Animal Crossing! Yay! I know, it's mature, but I like to add mature things to kid games! And yes, the swearing will go down, i don't like to do it a lot either%u2026 But I'm trying! Forgive me!
Maybe it's just something we say in Canada, but pulling something to your level means pulling the backpack near you. Lol, not a lot of people understand that, but me and my friends say that a lot to describe bringing something to yourself.
Yes, it is K.K., and I'm trying really hard to make it realistic and close to the game as possible, without it sounding too weird.
The thing to remember is that to make it more interesting than just the game, there will be minimal amounts of swearing and blood - I've already written the first ten chapters. But it won't be all swearing and blood.
Thanks for the review!