Prologue

by decco6226

Published January 1, 2016

16+ Language Violence

In Population Is Currently Growing

Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language and violence.

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Darkness.

A female voice hums a sweet lullaby.

POST-APOCALYPTIC NORTH AMERICA - 2015

THE NUCLEAR WAR IS OVER.

HIDDEN IN THE MOUNTAINS, SMALL VILLAGES OF ANIMALS LIVE WITH HUMAN PERSONALITIES. THE EMOTIONS OF RAGE AND HATE ARE PHYSICALLY INJECTED INTO REGULAR MAMMALS AND SENT TO THESE CAMPS TO EXTERMINATE THE MUTATIONS.

The raw, raspy sound of a older male child struggling to breathe.

Drops of blood drip up the cliff wall, shown sideways. Decco, sixteen years old is lying on the ground, clearly in agony. A thick ribbon of blood is flowing backwards into his nostrils, and the view goes skywards. As it does, his dilated pupils shrink. The small stream of blood from his mouth drips backwards into his lips, as well as the single tear that disappears into his eye.

---

"Why are you showing this!" I scream at my laptop. “Why would you show this!?" I yell through my bedroom door, vocals directed downstairs. I'm in a video shown on the internet, both watching, and actually in the stream. I am currently watching me getting beaten by my father and step-mother. My father… put this on the Internet for all eyes to see what a little “shit” as they call me. Many are watching. The comments are getting littered with many hurtful things that humans should not hear, see, or even think.

I start to cry. Life is not good when you're sixteen and getting abused by your parents. It isn't good when you have to pay for your own food and school when you're that age. When the people who are supposed to care for you have succumbed to “rage”. When you are left out, and are “different” as many say. That is my life. It was, still is, and always will be... Until tonight.

My name is Decco. I live in a small town called Toran. It's an ugly town, where everything is dead, dry, messy, and all in all, just a horrible place to live after the wars. While turning to my mirror, a sigh escapes my mouth. Brown hair, blue eyes... Blue eyes were a trait from my father, whereas the brown hair was from my mother.

“I'm leaving in nothing but a T-shirt and shorts...” I say quietly to myself. But I'll be alone... I've been abandoned already, then I'm going to die – alone and in pain. All three of my fears and I haven't even made it to age twenty...

“Ha.”

Footsteps stomp up the stairs. Two sets. My father and stupid-ass stepmother. I can't move out. Parents are divorced, mother's on other side of the globe. I dash to my door and slam it. The footsteps speed up. I twist the lock on my knob - they were too stupid to take it off. Good for me. BANG BANG. The slams against my door are so loud and fast it's terrifying.

"Leave me alone!" I scream. My door won't hold forever. It's made out of a flimsy wood. It will last maybe two minutes. That is unless they grab -

"Bring the axe!" My father yells. Great. Peachy. My worst thoughts are confirmed. I have maybe a minute and a half now. I waste no time. First, I slide my desk against the door - not that it'll help… I pull out my blue backpack. I place in my laptop and it's charger. Alongside my smartphone and it's charger. I have all this technology from the crime of theft, but those crimes didn't go unnoticed. But they'll vanish in time. Just like I will, and just like everything else. The front door slams downstairs, showing that my time is halfway done. I toss in my sketchbook and pencil case. Grabbing a random book from my shelf - I don't have time to carefully select my favourite; time is too precious. I also grab a map, and my wallet, which has two thousand Bells. Not a lot, but enough for a few days. The front door slams again. I throw on my brown shoes, and put on a red hat with grey horns on it, that matches my red shirt. I swing my bag around my shoulders.

CRACK! I turn around in the direction of the noise, seeing an axe head come through my door, and it gets stuck in the wood of my desk. I scream, and let gravity pull me down. Horror fills my body and paralyzes me. The axe disappears, and slams into my door again as I look up, helpless. I scream once again, but eventually regain my body control and get off the floor. I'm actually surprised the neighbors don't come over to see what the matter is. I grab a stool that once lived next to my desk, and toss it through my window. The glass shatters, and I leap out without hesitation, cutting myself in the process.

I land on grass after jumping out a story. Pain shoots through my shins and into my kneecaps. I can barely move. I fall to the earth again, helpless. I hold my knee for a second after sitting up, and wheeze. I look up into the sky in pain, and as I do that, my father's face stares down at me from my window. I immediately get up, and try to run. I try, try and try to at least move with speed, but I can only limp - not even with a hint of quickness. I try to scream in pain and or horror, but nothing. Only a small squeak that nobody could ever hear but me. I simply cannot speak. I limp out onto a road, and turn into a direction. No cars or people. I turn around, seeing a set of two lights advancing towards me. A truck! I wave my hands out, and finally produce a scream. The loudest scream of my life.

It pulls over, and a man steps out. "What the hell!?" He yells. The front door bursts open, and my father comes at us with an axe. The rage in his eyes was petrifying. I almost froze again.

What has it done to him?

The man bolts to the driver's seat, yelling "Get in the back, kid!" I climb slowly, all the nerves in my legs pumping out pure agony, but as I'm over the edge of the hoodless back of the truck, I let gravity take me. I fall in with a thunk. The vehicle zooms away from a floor-it before I can even sit up. As I'm looking at the road behind us, I see my father sprinting, arms high in the air, axe clutched in his fists. The only thing I can do is scream hysterically. Gasps filled with complete terror, rage, and victory.

The man eventually lets me off at the farthest train station he could. I thank him for all he did, and he said he would file a report to the authorities. Maybe this would prove to everyone what “rage” does. Leaving, I order a ticket for another town. I didn't read or look at anything - not even what town I was going to. Any town was better than this. It was five hundred Bells for one ticket and another five hundred for two granola bars plus a bottle of water that I buy to regain my energy. At six o'clock P.M., the train whistles into the station. That is where my old life dies, and my new life is born.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
BookWolf
Review
BookWolf wrote a review Review · Jan 1, 2016

Before I say anything, I would like to welcome you to YWS. :D If you have any questions, feel free to ask me. I hope you enjoy your time at this wonderful website for young writers. <3

All right, you've got a decent start here. It read fast and I was pulled in immediately. There are a few things that I think I should mention, though. First off, why are the dad and mom suddenly so intent on getting to Decco? I see that he yelled at them, but I still don't really get it. I also don't see why they got the axe. I understand that they're awful parents, that much it obvious, but why go immediately for the axe? Wouldn't they try to make him open the door first, instead of breaking it down right away?

Also, I think you should be made aware that Decco deciding to leave his parents in the prologue doesn't make that big of an impact for the reader at all, primarily because we don't have any reason to care about Decco just yet. Before he left, you'd told us that he was abused and had horrible parents, but that's not going to instantly make us pity him and want him to run away. Now, I'm not saying that making him leave this early on was a bad idea because this opens up a whole new world for the reader. What I'm saying is, if you'd planned on his running away giving any sort of feeling to the reader, such as joy for him escaping or worry for what's going to happen to him now that he doesn't have a home, then you're wrong.

Anyway, nice job on keeping your work well-edited. :) This is the only thing that I found.


"put this on the Internet for all eyes to see what a little “shit” as they call me." I think you meant to say this, "put this on the Internet for all eyes to see what a little "shit" I am, as they call me."


Okay, real talk. . . . I noticed that your username is Decco. I sincerely hope that you are not writing off of your own personal experiences. If so, I wish you the best of luck, Decco. :( Stay strong and don't lose hope. Life is full of wonders and I'm sure it will get better. <3

- BookWolf

Omg thank you! No, this isn't from personal experience! Mostly. Besides a bit of mental abusion, but let's not get dramatic.

Second, I know you're confused about the random attack, but I'm explaining more throughout the story. It's kind of confusing trying to explain to the reader what the RAGE virus is right at the beginning, but knowing that the parents are with RAGE is all I'm trying to get to right now! Getting the axe was also to chop the door down and kill him - duh! But now that Im looking at it, i don't know how those sentences with opening the door got out%u2026 Hmm%u2026 thanks! I'll be fixing that with the grammatical errors and everything too. Don't know if you read the other review, but grammar and just english is not my strong point. If it was art, I'd be all over it. But my grammar freak friend has a copy and is gonna help me fix it!

Mainly, I just wanted to get it quick out that Decco's parents succumbed to the rage virus, and showing what that's like to interfere with it. Then showing that he got away to the new destination where the main story will take place.

But again, thanks for the "real talk". Nothing is happening now, I am now safe and happy. The reason why I chose Decco, and that's my username is because from my past two stories I used the name Darren, and wanted to try something different - plus I like the name!

Thanks for everything, reply if you want! :)

Okay, good! :D I'm glad that everything is fine.

And you're welcome! I feel really, really stupid now for not connecting the rage injection thing at the beginning to Decco's parents. That makes a lot more sense now. :)

I'm glad you like it! Now someone LIKES it!

User avatar
StupidSoup
Review
StupidSoup wrote a review Review · Jan 1, 2016

I really like this story. I think its crafted really well. Your pacing is really crisp and though some may call it a bit fast I think its perfect for the events taking place. Give or take a couple typos, I also lover your wording and I think you show a hint of genius in a couple lines.

I think your writing style is unique. Not to say it is without flaws but it's unlike anything I've seen before. Call me crazy but it makes a lot of the grammatical errors almost perfect. I also love your character development. Although you only express one real emotion (perhaps a little to much, be careful of overstating things) its the little things that count. For example, when you have that one

"Ha"

In between paragraphs, the fact that you put quotations around it actually gives the reader a lot of insight into who Decco really is. That was a really nice touch.

However, there are some flaws in this piece.

First off, the first paragraph (the italicized one) feels like it'd be more at home in a screenplay rather than a book. I personally think it flows really well and adds a really nice tone to the story but you have to be careful with using it. It will not work in every story and may not work for other people in this one. I'd suggest trying to not write in parts about the "view" as you call it. It feels like your trying to write out what you had in your head because the imagery is great. Keep in mind, it is very hard to put thoughts on paper, especially without tweaking it. You fill in to much of the image which is where your problem is. Don't worry about if the reader understands what your writing completely. Its ok to leave out parts, to make what your saying cryptic.

Then of course there are grammatical errors. I think this story could be a lot more crisp if you just cleaned those up. However, if your not able to it would be a good idea to give someone a quick IM. I realize your a bit new here but don't let that stop you! Make some friends :)

Well that's it from me. Hope this was helpful and at least a little bit coherent.

Thanks! It was! I will be editing it soon enough! English isn't really my strong point - I just write for the fun! But I have a really good friend who is a grammar freak, so she's reviewing for me so I can edit it!

I know, I'm sorry for the "view" part! I just couldn't find any other way to write it. It was my first part of the work that I wanted to put in. I just find it hard to show the foreshadowing that I want, but I can't really describe it. I was the foreshadowing part to be backwards - the blood oozing backwards into his nose.

I'm sorry it's not worthy of being in you presence! But I'm trying, and it will be fixed soon. Again, try to ignore grammar for now - it is NOT my best!



I exist as I am, that is enough
— Walt Whitman