He sits in the back,
chair tilted, a backwards hat
resting on sandy blond hair.
Soft blue eyes and a wide smile,
proud of his name.
Light, constant laughter,
elbowing his friends (Hysteria and Relaxation)
over a joke.
Climbing trees, strumming a guitar,
singing to the beat of his bare feet,
tapping a rhythm on his desk.
Roaming free.
He runs about the rooftops,
wind in his hair,
like a waterfall.
His eyes
reflect the endless skies.
Carefree
will one day leave.
But for now,
he is in all of us.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,808 Reviews
Heyo, xJ here.
For an English class poem, this was pretty good. I have no bad comments, only praises. The beginning was very nice as well as the ending. Those were my two favorite parts! c: And I loved the similes in this poem, it all flowed very nicely. So, this was a beautiful poem and I'll be following you to see your work! Jolly good! ^.^
-xJ ❤︎
Thanks for the follow! Middle school English class is actually the reason I started writing poetry, so all my poems from that year mean a lot to me, even if they aren't that good. Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed!
Hey.
Firstly, I totally disagree with the other reviews, this was perfect in its own way. And not every poem needs to be in stanzas. Secondly, punctuation could be taken care of, because just little dots and patterns can change meanings of volumes. So there
Otherwise, it was a great change in the direction of poems on YWS. I liked it a lot, and I would love to read more of your creations.
Good job.
Keep writing and stay blessed.
xoxo
Thanks! My poetry tends to be more lighthearted than most on here, so I wasn't sure about posting this, but I'm glad to see there was a positive response. More should be coming soon!
Sup dude!
I'm a little new here myself, so forgive me if some of my points are misguided
Pros: I liked your poem very much, it's quite lighthearted and very relatable and I feel that you get the meaning of your poem and the personifaction of 'freedom' through quite clearly.
Cons: You should separate your poems in to stanzas! This will help a block of text look a little less threatening and it can be used as a device to portray other messages in your poem. Secondly, and I agree with Augustus on this one, I feel like you should remove the brackets on the 7th line as it stumbles the flow of the poem.
All in all, it was pretty good, I liked it! So keep it up.
I'm probably newer her than you, so don't worry. Anyway, as I replied to Augustus, it was meant to be in stanzas. Formatting issues. Thanks for dropping by!
Heya!
Augustus here for the review.
First of all, welcome to YWS.
So, I am going to review this poem in two parts:
Pros: I like the theme of your poem. It was an easy read and I understand the meaning of this poem. You have perfectly portrayed the character of the 'free spirit' in this poem of yours.
Plus the imaginary in second stanza was quite impressive.
Cons:1. Firstly, the poem was not separated into stanzas. I guess this poem could be separated into 5 or 6 stanzas.
2. There was a lack of punctuation marks in some places of your poem. Which made it hard to guess the sense you want to convey. So, take care of it next time.
3. In the 7th line of this poem, you put a bracket around 'Hysteria and Relaxation'. Of course its your poem but I would suggest to remove it. Its disturbing the flow of your poem.
Overall, I liked your poem. The mistakes that you have made were minor and could easily be corrected. I must say, you were not hesitant while writing this.
I would love to hear more from you.
Goodbye and Good luck.
Thanks for the input! Originally, the piece was in stanzas. Somewhere in the copy and paste from Google Docs, they were lost. The brackets were meant to separate the names from the overall sentence, and I think I'm going to keep them. Again, thanks for the feedback!
Welcome!