I look
Into the snow
Into the slowly falling blanket of white
I reach out
Catching a flake on my fingertip
Bringing it closer to me
But before I can see it
Before I understand it
It melts into me.
.
I look
Into the crowd
Into the endless parade of masked people
I find you
I chase you until you stop and wait for me
But before I can know you
Before I can love you
My darkness swallows you.
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139,536 Literary Works • 672,600 Reviews
Beautiful.This poem of yours was definrtly beautiful. i love the way the first stanza of this piece has more than one meaning. your poem also has a great flow.
the way you described ice was also remarkable. your word choice was also good. so overall i totally loved your work. Yeah it was deep but it was good. And the best part is it was neithe to long or too short. so yeah congracts for writing such a good piece.
keep on writing
Fangirl~
This is beautiful!
Hey deathwave1, im breezeblocks.
So, for the review....
Bravo. i like how you romanticize sadness in this poem. Im fascinated by the "before i(s)". Its like no matter what youve done, you always clueless about it and ended up failing again and again. This poem was so deep yet simple and easy to understand. Love it!
Hey, this is Kman134 and i'm here to review.
This is a very good poem. The narration was deep and romantic. the first part of it had a somber feel to it while the second part had a more existential meaning to it, or that's how i interpret it.
"I look
Into the crowd
Into the endless parade of masked people
I find you
I chase you until you stop and wait for me
But before I can know you
Before I can love you
My darkness swallows you."
The second part is what touched me; i felt a sense of raw emotion as one finds the person they want to be with.
I like this and i hope you write some more emotional poems.
Hey! Thanks for taking the time to review. The first part was definitely more about life in general, while the second was about a specific instance. I'm glad you liked it, and I hope you enjoy whatever I write in the future!
Hey deathwave1, I'm Caterpickle. I really loved this poem, it was packed full of a depressed kind of emotion, a raw, desperate desire for someone to be close, but to also be far away, because you love them so much that you would sacrifice their closeness for their safety from you. If that makes any sense. I loved the bit about "the endless parade of masked people" because I don't think you were talking about a masquerade. It's totally true, everyone seems to have a "mask" of sorts on these days, and taking them off is getting to be a rare sighting. You captured the emotions well, and left behind a raw trail of pain behind. This was a beautiful poem, and I have nothing to critique ^^
Well done, keep it up!
~Caterpickle
I'm glad someone caught the meaning behind the mask thing. I initially wasn't sure about writing that part, since I thought people might not get it, but I'm glad you did. Thanks for reading!
Hi deathwave1, Felistia here with a review on your poem.
I must say that I absolutely love this poem, it is so beautiful and full of emotion. This is what I want in a poem, for it to have both emotion and fantastic description.
The description in the beginning is so wonderfully captivating and pulls the reader in, serving as an excellent hook. It also has a little emotion, but the second part of your poem is where the emotion comes in full strength and many it is beautiful all put together. I think that it is great as it is and lengthening it might spoil the simplistic beauty of it.
I am going to have to say that this is my most favourite poem out of all the ones I have read on YWS and in books. Well done and I look forward to more of your work. I hope you have a great day\night.
OMG. This is your favorite poem!? That's great! I'm glad you enjoyed it so much. I hope you have a good day too!
Its nice and do extend it