Deep down behind the eyes there is something.
Maybe love.
Maybe fight.
Though encased by ice.
Her deep stare is always there.
But deep down in the soul there is something.
Maybe hate.
Maybe humor.
Though covered in dust.
Her eyes are clouded,
From sitting still.
Like she's encased by ice.
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139,876 Literary Works • 672,707 Reviews
Hello every one I changed my poem around a bit (finally) according to what one reviewer told me.
Hi. Just wanted to say I loved your poem. I haven't got time to review it fully but I just wanted to say that it reminded of one of my favourite books. Its called Blood and Gold by Anne Rice and your poem is like the first chapter. I loved it, you should definitely keep it up. I look forward to reading more of your work.
A few friendly critiques.
You'll notice you use 'ice' and 'icy', and it just doesn't make it seem so creative. I would change one or the other. A thesaurus is always helpful for this kind of stuff, if you ask me.
Same thing. I would personally just change one or the other.