Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,763 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
Hello there, Dalisay!
I'm totally not stalking youGhostie here for a review.
I loved this, quite honestly, and it spoke to me. I just thought the title was a little disconnected from the poem itself, other than the fact that it finishes the last verse. It seems more like the poem is about how you're living the rough life (If I'm incorrect, please let me know) and how the reader is naive and unaware of what's going on around them.
you hurt my feelings you meanie!1!1!!Just kidding.
This poem is beautiful, and I have a lot of good things to say about it. I especially loved this part:
On point with that imagery. I could feel myself pulling on those gloves to hide the lies, covering them with velvet and unveiling the fate. I felt something churning in my insides.
A few very tweak-able lines that I was confused about were these:
One line that threw me a little off was this:
For some reason I kind of stopped there, like at a stop sign hidden by trees, and sort of just was like: "Huh. I didn't see that there." I just didn't think it flowed as well as the rest of the poem.
I loved this so much, and I can't wait to see more of your work! You're a very talented writer.
Ghost
Hi there! Here to leave a review
First of all, I love this poem. LOVE IT! This is pure creativity, imagination and some damn good storytelling that I'm rather jealous of hehe
The form & structure is beautifully crafted and it really adds some emphasis to your poem. The use of the free verse compliments your poem's title and theme, which is a well-applied technique that you've used. I like this a lot. I would suggest maybe adjusting the name of your poem, as it could be seen as a little cliched, but your poem's content is anything but cliched. It's original, it's different, and it's beautiful to read. But, I would recommend changing the name to something a little more peculiar - something that stands out amongst every other poem and pulls the reader in so that they can discover this wonderful piece.
Your imagery is really good. The language and description you've used is fantastic. The metaphorical language in there is something to be proud of so well done for that! However, I have noticed that each stanza jumps fairly quickly onto something else, so I'd have a look at maybe reorganising it so that there is a better flow. Each stanza is about something different from the previous one, so it may seem a little confusing, but once you read it, it's a delight.
Overall, it's brilliant. All I'd recommend doing is trying to create a better flow and come up with a new title that is relevant yet eye-catching. I hope this review was helpful!
KayLou1609
This is definitely poetry and not just prose set into stanzas. I really like the imagery in this poem and the way it looks on the page. The first indented stanza harmonizes well with the stepping away that is being mentioned. So image reinforces meaning. The second time it is done it seems to function to preserve a pattern, which is good since we don't want the poem to be visually unbalanced to the reader. That could prove distracting.
I did notice a shift from the first person singular "I" to the second person singular "You".
But that shift is justified because the poem revolves around the comparison of two diametrically opposed attitudes so the shift is a necessary integral part of the composition and not merely some whimsical stylistic change.
The only suggestion I would offer would be to dispense with capitalizing the first letter of every following line. It would be easier to read if that convention is omitted in this poem.
Also, please note that the use of the word "heart" in poetry is considered a cliché. So using it automatically will disqualify a poem in the eyes of most editors of high standard poetry magazines.
In any case. I like the poem. Thanks for sharing.