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E - Everyone

I Still Believe

by dalisay

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125 Reviews

Points: 3476
Reviews: 125

Fri Dec 08, 2017 3:17 pm
LakeOfCancer wrote a review...

This is a really beautiful piece, I love how you explain in great detail how we should keep believing, and by the sound of it it seems like you're on a ship. But maybe, you're traveling to Neverland. I mean, I'm probably wrong, but it sure sounds like it. But I digress, this was really well made and I can't wait to read more of your poems!

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Points: 59
Reviews: 1

Fri Dec 08, 2017 2:41 pm
kathryn9613 wrote a review...

Hello! How are you? I hope you are doing well. I was just casually going through the poetry tab and found your poem, and I'm very happy I did.

One of the things I really liked was that your poem rhymed, it flowed together very well. Also, I enjoyed the story and couldn't help but imagine myself on a large ship, traveling across the ocean admiring the blue and green tint in the water. It also reminded me of Tinkerbell because of the "pixie dust" and I think that is very fun.

After reading it I began to wish it was longer, so I could keep exploring the imagery of your detailed words.

I think this brings out the adventure in people who dream of exploring, (someone like myself)
so thank you for that.


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19 Reviews

Points: 78
Reviews: 19

Wed Sep 27, 2017 9:12 pm
corgisrock22 wrote a review...

Greetings! Corgi here for a review!
This poem is very interesting and i got my own interpretation from it. I'm not sure if this is the meaning of it that you intended for it to have, but hey, the reason for poetry is to find your own meaning in it, am i right? What i got from this is the person in this poem strives to be different and not be like everyone else. They're looking for more meaning in their life and are searching and "digging deeper" for things that other people usually don't look for because they are too scared to or are fine with the norm. It sends out a good message, even if it isn't the message you intended to be! Like Kyllorac said, the rhyme scheme was off, but rhyming is very hard to master, but with patience an practice, you'll get the hang of it! I really enjoyed this poem and it helped me relieve a bit of my stress after a busy school day. Keep up the amazing work and stay awesome! ~{Corgi}~

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1220 Reviews

Points: 72525
Reviews: 1220

Wed Sep 27, 2017 5:41 pm
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Kale wrote a review...

Hello there and happy RevMo (even if I am a bit late to the reviewing party)! I, a bold Knight of the Green Room, am here today to review you.

I read the first line and rejoiced because I love rhyming poems, and particularly rhyming poems with internal rhymes, and this poem is both.

Unfortunately, the rhyme starts to fall apart the further into the poem we go, which is a shame because you were off to such a good start with those first two lines. It's also not surprising since rhyming poetry is really difficult to do well, so hopefully I can help you pinpoint some ways to polish this up so that you can polish up the rest of the rhymes in this to match the loveliness of the flow in the first two lines.

Ultimately, rhyme relies on two things: the words that rhyme and a strong rhythm. Of these, the rhythm is actually quite a bit more important than the rhyming words, and it's the reason why "the pot is quite black and hot" doesn't feel like a rhyme as much as "the black pot is quite hot" does even though both phrases contain the exact same words. Additionally, with a strong enough rhythm, words that aren't exact rhymes can be made to feel like they're exact rhymes in what's called a slant rhyme.

Rhythm in poetry can be broken down a number of ways, and while the simplest method is to break words down into syllables, I'd recommend going a step further and breaking things down according to stresses.

Here's a whole guide to how to identify and use stresses, so I won't go over it in-depth here.

So let's take a look at your first two lines and the stresses, with the stressed syllables in bold and syllables within words spaced out with *:

pixie dust and wander*lust
show me the path that few may tra*vel

The first line in particular works so well because it has the pattern of one stressed then two unstressed syllables (this pattern is called called dactylic), with the rhyming word on the second unstressed syllable. There's an extra unstressed syllable by the way of "and", but because it's an unstressed syllable, it doesn't mess with the flow, and it could also be read as there being a missing syllable at the end of that first line which also doesn't affect the flow.

The stresses in the second line are where things start to get a bit more messy, but it's still using the dactylic pattern for the first part before switching to one stressed and one unstressed (trochaic) after.

The third line is where the rhythm falls apart, without any clear pattern to it, and what I would recommend is matching the rhythm of the third line to that of the first line. For example, "footprints will show me if I must" is a lot closer to the rhythm and syllable counts established in the first line, and so the rhyme feels more solid as a result.

This poem has promise, and if you focused on working out the kinks in the rhythm, it'll make for a an even lovelier poem.

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18 Reviews

Points: 128
Reviews: 18

Wed Sep 27, 2017 1:46 pm
Taslimalima wrote a review...

it is a review.
wooow! very interesting. you know what? I was flying around those twinkling stars and sailing on that deep blue sea and it was really fell windy..! I know, you will not believe me...but yes I did.. ;)
It was an amazing journey , through your awesome poems..keep writing genius ...good luck...

Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm.
— Abraham Lincoln