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Art School Chapter 1

My name is Artemis. Yes, like the Greek goddess of the hunt and the moon. But, unfortunately, I am not quite as great and all-powerful. I come from an ordinary family who lives the ordinary small town of Clarington, Wyoming. Father is a banker and Mother stays at home to care for my four younger siblings (all boys) and myself.

I am seventeen and a senior at Clarington High. It is second semester and my nerves have been wired tight all year. I can’t go a single day without someone asking me about college and my future career. Sure, I know what I want. I want to make my parents proud of me. I want to see delight in their eyes when they look at me, happiness for who I’ve become. And in order for that to happen, I shall learn Father’s craft.

For the past three years, he has taken me to his work every Wednesday afternoon to teach me everything he knows. I know the place and the routine like the back of my hand. I’m good with numbers. I’m good with organization. I get banking. And Father thinks I get it, too. So starting next summer, after I graduate, I will start working there full-time. Father isn’t the manager, but he might as well be. The actual manager is a fat lazy man with a drooping mustache. Unlike Father, who is in good shape with a shaven face and straight back. And he is more than happy to have someone (Father) do all the work for him. So my getting hired didn’t bother him much, considering how much he owed us.

I push open the front door, appreciating the rush of warm air. Outside, it was a bitter 29 degrees. I brush my boots against the doormat, ice crystals tumbling to the ground. Sliding my backpack off my shoulder, I call out to Mother.

“In the bedroom!”

Mother is a kind woman, but is never afraid to state her opinion if she thinks it needs to be heard. Which is all the time. Her eyes are almost as dark as her short black hair, a complete contrast to me. I hate cutting my hair, and it tumbles in a waterfall of blonde curls down my back, highlighting my bluish-green eyes. I get my looks from Father, while my four brothers all look like Mother. Tommy, Ash, Kaleb and Jonah. Not very unique names compared to my own. They are 14, 10, 8 and 5- a real handful.

“How was school?” she asks, glancing up from a half-crocheted sweater for Jonah.

I shrug, taking a seat on the side of the bed. “It was alright. The usual. The counselor called me down to talk to me again.”

Mother shakes her head. “How many times do we have to tell them? You’re not going to college.”

My parents don’t believe in college. They think it’s for snobs. Neither of them went when they were my age, nor do they think I should go because I will be going straight to working at the bank after high school. And even if I did want to go, there was no way we could afford it.

“She is just trying to help, Mom. I have really good grades and she thinks I should use that to my advantage. She says I might even have a chance at valedictorian.”

“Honey, I think it’s wonderful that you are so smart and getting such good grades. But Mrs. Winston knows that you don’t need to go to college because you are going to work at the bank with your father,” Mother replies.

“I know-“ I am cut off by the ringing of the phone.

Mother sets down her crocheting and jumps off the bed to answer the phone.

I finger at the fraying ends of the blanket, waiting for her to come back. We’ve had this conversation so many times. I don’t know why I even bother telling her anymore. I know I’m not going to college. I’m going to be a banker, just like Father. I just . . .

I look up as Mother returns and am startled when I see tears in her eyes, threatening to spill over. I get up and rush to her.

“What’s wrong? Is Father okay?” I ask, dread settling in my bones.

Mother shakes her head. “It’s your Aunt Lacy. She got in an awful car accident and is in a coma.”

My heart stops for a moment. Aunt Lacy is Mother’s favorite sister, and someone the rest of us love. She is extremely outgoing and it is impossible not to love her. While my family is typically quieter, she seems to being out the best in all of us when she visits.

I pull Mother into a hug. “Do they know what happened exactly?”

“The doctor told me she was driving late at night and that she hit a tree. There were marks on the road indicating she swerved. Their best guess is that she was avoiding a deer,” Mother explained.

I sigh. “Oh, Aunt Lacy. She’s rather kill herself than a deer.”

Mother stepped back from my embrace, wiping away her tears on her sleeve. “Yes, and she’s an idiot for it.”

“What are we going to do?”

“Not we, you.”

“Me? What do you mean?” I ask, confused.

“You must go ad take care of her. Your Father has to work and I have to take care of the boys. You can be there for her when she wakes up. Darling, we are her only living relations. We are all she’s got.”

I can’t stop the thought of if she wakes up from running through my mind. “But what about school?”

“You can hop on a plane for New York City tomorrow morning. It’s Saturday. You can stay there for a week and be back by next Monday. I know it might be hard to catch up, but you shouldn’t fall behind too far, right?” Mother asks.

I shake my head. It will be a bit difficult, but I could handle it. Aunt Lacy needed me more than I needed school right now. “Okay, I’ll go pack my things.”

I go down the hallway and into my room, a bedroom I share with Kaleb. He is the most quiet and calm out of the four boys, therefore the only one that doesn’t drive me completely insane. He is lying on his stomach on the floor, flipping through Dr. Seuss’s Green Eggs and Ham. I step over him and reach into the closet, extracting an armful of clothes.

Kaleb looks up from his book. “What are you doing?”

I pull my suitcase out from under my bed. It is covered in dust and reeks of that old person-smell. I couldn’t even remember the last time we went on a vacation. Not that visiting my aunt in a coma is a vacation. “I’m packing.”

“Packing? Are we going somewhere?” he asks, puzzled.

“You know Aunt Lacy?”

He nods.

“She got in an accident and I’m going to visit her for a little while to help her feel better.”

“Can I come with you? I like Aunt Lacy,” he says, turning the page in his book, his attention already waning.

I kneel next to him, running my fingers through his darks locks. He looks up at me with his adorable innocent eyes, his awareness broadening to me once again. “I’m afraid you have to stay here. But I’ll be back before you know it!”

“Promise?”

My heart melts. “Promise.”

Kaleb turns back to his storybook, mesmerized by little Sam-I-Am.

Comments & reviews · 4
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Hi! Cricket here for a review!

I normally don't just pick up stories out of the blue, but this one I couldn't resist reading. After reading, I found myself reviewing. So here goes.

For a Chapter 1 I'd have to say this is probably one of my favorites. Now to be honest, I was nearly dancing in my shoes, glad that you hadn't made this a prologue. I hate prologues, and I've always thought that you should just start it off with a Chapter, but anyway, off topic really. xD

What I like is mainly the suspense here. You showed fairly plainly what was going on, and the suspense showed through well. If she wakes up was excellent in my opinion. It shows that there's the possibility that she won't and then there's also the possibility that she will. But both could happen. Also, I do have to agree with Jack who commented below. The mother needs to be a bit more emotional. I don't mean to bring this to about me, but I was once taken to the hospital for an operation, and my entire family was of course worried! My older sister most of all. She was crying, and calling everybody and ya know... just acting very concerned. In this story though, the mother wasn't acting concerned about her sister much at all. Sure she was crying, but not enough visually. Try and do it a little more, make seem almost hysterical in my opinion. Telling her daughter that she would be going to take care of her Aunt for when she wakes up is really good and all, but try and put some emotion in it. Your reader wants to feel what's going on, and in order to get that goal you need to have your characters feeling it as well. Make sense? I hope so. ^ ^

One thing I didn't really like was how I'm not exactly sure if this was a boy or girl until about the middle of this. Right now, I'm fairly sure it's a girl, but still... I'd like to know which sex they are after about the first two paragraphs, if that. Just a little suggestion, to try and write it with the strict intention of making this seem from the POV of a girl. Sorry, if that seems a bit out of line for a reviewer. :D

old person-smell.


No hyphen is necessary here.

She is extremely outgoing and it is impossible not to love her.


I would like to see a little bit more here. Like how exactly is it not impossible to not love her? It also wouldn't be a bad idea to use an example here to bring your point across better. Examples give us something to relate to, if you get what I mean.

OK, I think that's it from me! I'm sorry this is so short, but it seems your previous reviewers have gotten everything, and this has very little errors in my opinion. :D Hope this little bit was helpful.

Keep writing!

~Cricket

Thanks so much for your help!

User avatar
Burrow
Review
Burrow wrote a review · Thu Nov 13, 2014 7:26 am

Jack here for a review!

Ok firstly I love this story, I read through all of it and loved it, there wasn't much for a review so I will just say a bit. I like you characters you can really relate to them and I understand how the girl feels, you did great there.

Next If my sister was In a comma I would be more distraught I would be crying and so on, I suggest you show more emotion, the mum especially should be very upset. I Also think that if the mum really cared about her sister she would in fact go to see here, not send her daughter. This may be apart of your story, but maybe they all go for a day then come back and Artemis stays behind.

Also when you say the brothers ages I recommend that you write the them not in letters, it makes the story more professional and easy to read. Also I just have to say I loved the start of it when you talk about the Greek goddess I couldn't help but think of Percy Jackson!!!

There is a few sentence ne that need revising but overall I really liked this story and hope to read some more soon, please keep me posted for when you do. Thumbs up!!

Jack

Thank you for the review!

User avatar
JensenAcklesFan Comment

Overall, this is amazing! I'd just like to say, when you said, "I want to make my parents proud of me," I think that you could scratch off "of me." Just a suggestion.

Great job, make more, and keep up the good work.

User avatar
Shadowolf765
Review

Shadowolf here :D

Great job on the story!

"Father is a banker" Placing a 'my' before father allows for a smoother reading. As well as in the second paragraph, wired should be changed to wound, again it allows for smother reading

"happiness for who" should just be "happy for who"

“In the bedroom!” I would suggest either removing this sentence or adding one before such as "Mother I'm home!" just to allow easier reading or add a 'she responds' after the “In the bedroom!” portion (this is only a simple suggestion)

"seems to being out the best in all of us when she visits" Being should be changed to 'bring'

Other than that i have to say that this story is well written and easy to read, it provides the reader both side, happiness and a touch of sadness. I hope you keep writing and continue to get better at writing, your mistakes are just simple ones that can be fixed with a proof read before submitting. Awesome story, Keep keeping on and I hope you push out some more chapters! :D :D

Thank you so much for the review!



"She doesn't even go here!"
— Damian Leigh