Young Writers Society

Home » Literary works » Poetry » General

E - Everyone

burnished

by cryptologenic


maybe it is infinite, this sadness; it overflows from me to the highest firmament yet it resides somewhere in this car, under the streetlights that oscillate over me, always coming and going. only ever pausing at the red lights to play with your eyelashes or cast shadows over your fingers, ever-tapping on the steering wheel. i cannot say where it comes from, no, i cannot say where it comes from, but it is not easily soothed.

maybe it is infinite, this sadness; it overflows from me and i am too small to contain it.

maybe it is in that home
or the loss of it
or the house at the cul-de-sac
with the old woman
and her cataract-clouded windows
or the sharpness of her
digging into my nail beds
to scrape away the dirt
maybe it’s in the night time
the street lamps oscillating over my head
shadows and light alike
only ever getting closer
or farther away

another soul
burnished in mediocrity.

maybe,
it was myself all along
for
it is me
and i am it


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
79 Reviews


Points: 2258
Reviews: 79

Donate
Thu Oct 14, 2021 4:20 pm
View Likes
waywardxwallflower wrote a review...



Hello! Wallflower here with a quick review (:

This poem is absolutely beautiful. Poetry is meant to evoke unexplainable emotions, and this DEFINITELY did that. Your use of literary devices and diction was perfectly done; each and every word added something new and fantastic to this poem. It tells a story, something deep and wonderful and beautiful that I think most people can relate to but cannot explain. You've done an absolutely fantastic job describing it.

This is without a doubt one of my very favourite poems I've read on this site. It's lovely. Thank you for sharing it.

Keep writing!






thank you thank you! i really admire your poetry ajkfhlsd so this means a lot :]






User avatar
200 Reviews


Points: 8185
Reviews: 200

Donate
Thu Oct 14, 2021 1:39 pm
View Likes
Liminality wrote a review...



Hi there cryptologenic! Lim here for a quick review. My first impressions of this poem are that the atmosphere seems very nostalgic, maybe longing for the past. It also has a very liquid rhythm, with one phrase flowing into the next. The first line starts out poignant, but moves on to something more ponderous, with the speaker trying to grab hold of this feeling and its origin. I was also super interested by the title, “burnished”. It makes me think of subtle, small things, like cutlery or rings, which seems to match the small details that are highlighted in the poem.

Subject, Themes, Narrative

The poem starts off with the speaker in traffic pondering a feeing of sadness they have. Then in the second to third line, a “you” is introduced. This “you” seems to be someone close to the speaker, or at least someone they are observing very closely.

At the point where the prose-like part of the poem ends, the speaker seems to be remembering a home that they lost. Perhaps the old woman described has passed or they have left that house anyhow. At the end, the speaker seems to conclude that they have become subsumed by the sadness.

Overall, it’s a story with a lot of despair and not much hope.

Language and Imagery

There’s a mix of both abstractions and concrete images in this poem. The abstractions tend to come in all at once, for instance “infinite” “sadness” “highest firmament”, but so do the concrete images, like the stream of images about the “you” in the car. I thought the switches between them kept me on my toes reading the poem; I found myself surprised at a few turns, which kept things interesting.

or the house at the cul-de-sac
with the old woman
and her cataract-clouded windows

This image in particular caught my eye. “the house at the cul-de-sac” gives a sense of a halcyon past, something that could very well be ‘lost’, since a cul-de-sac is a dead end. I also like the implicit comparison of windows to eyes as I thought that gave the sense that the old woman’s personality imbued the house – so both feel ‘elderly’, if that makes sense.

another soul
burnished in mediocrity.

Somehow I felt the last part didn’t evoke as vivid an image as the previous stanzas did. The image of “burnished”, though the title made me expect it, is a bit vaguer than say, oscillating street lights. What does a soul look like? And what does it look like when burnished? I’m thinking that some colour descriptions might be nice here.

Sound and Structure

I thought the blend of prose poetry in the paragraph and the more verse-like structure after that made this poem stand out. It has a cascading feel and gives the sense that the speaker is descending a tunnel of negative conclusions. The repetition of “maybe” conveys the speaker’s uncertainty pretty well.

it is me
and i am it

I’m not really sure about using “it” for the sadness in the last stanza, as the last time “sadness” is mentioned explicitly was quite a number of lines ago, and I was admittedly confused as to what “it” referred for a moment.

I like the use of punctuation to break up the phrases for the most part. I thought a lot of the placements made sense, for instance:
. . . firmament yet it resides somewhere in this car, under the streetlights that oscillate over me, always coming and going.

Pausing to reveal each of these three details about both the setting of the poem and the sadness seems very natural and a good choice to make it flow.

Overall

I really liked the combinations of imagery in this poem and how that evoked the feelings of sadness and longing for the past. The unique features of the structure also make it stand out while still serving the narrative of the work. Feel free to ask for any clarification about this review or ask for more feedback.

Keep writing and cheers!
-Lim






hi there, thanks for the review :3
Somehow I felt the last part didn%u2019t evoke as vivid an image as the previous stanzas did. The image of %u201Cburnished%u201D, though the title made me expect it, is a bit vaguer than say, oscillating street lights. What does a soul look like? And what does it look like when burnished? I%u2019m thinking that some colour descriptions might be nice here.

ahhh i totally see what you mean,, i was trying to go for a feeling of,,, 'burnished in the streetlights' & i agree i could've emphasised that more. much appreciated!
(also i tried to post this reply earlier today but i don't think it went through, i hope i didn't accidentally send it twice.)



Liminality says...


(Ah no worries! It didn't end up being sent twice after all c: That tends to happen only if you refresh the page while it's sending) "burnished in the streetlights" does sound like a lovely image! Matches the 'traffic' imagery from the beginning of the poem as well. I'm glad the review helped c:



User avatar
79 Reviews


Points: 1701
Reviews: 79

Donate
Thu Oct 14, 2021 1:37 am
View Likes
AilahEvelynMae wrote a review...



Hi there, Ellie-Mae here for a quick review!

Wishing you a happy day/evening/morning/night/whatever is applicable to your part of the world! First off, please remember that my reviews are my own opinions :) I’ll give honest feedback, but nothing at all is intended to hurt or discourage you in any way at all! <3 So, without waiting any longer, let’s get right into it and digest the spectabulous piece of literary work!

I really enjoyed this, my friend! It was lovely to read. You should be so proud of yourself for writing it. It has such a nice feeling to it. It makes you ponder as you read and really think about what is being said. It makes you really think of what's being said as well. I love it because any person could differentiate this writing differently.

Good job to you! It is very beautiful.

Ellie Mae <3<3






thank you for the review :]



User avatar
24 Reviews


Points: 138
Reviews: 24

Donate
Wed Oct 13, 2021 5:16 pm
View Likes
AriesBookworm wrote a review...



Someone who has lost all hope, yet still wants it. At least, that's my interpretation of it. They're looking back at all the good things that have happened, only to replace them with bad memories. They've hit rock bottom, yet still wanting to climb up to the top. They've lost all faith, but there's a flicker that refuses to die. They want to give up, but don't even know where to start. They're on their knees now, but know how to pick themselves back up.






thank you for the review (%u02D9%u1D55%u02D9)%u2661




Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
— Quentin Crisp