the right column of this poem was adapted from 'Unworthy wave' by @silented1, who was very kind in letting me post this.
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140,135 Literary Works • 673,032 Reviews
Hi, I don't really have time right now to do a full review, but I just wanted to say, I really liked this and it was super creative how you can read the two poems separately or together! ^-^
thanks for the review! good to know the twin cinema worked out :3
Love it, thank you for the credit. Your's is much more personal. Appreciated.
aha thank YOU <3
I like this collaboration! The two poems put together sound wonderful.I love the lines:”I want a better life and so I’m cast away.” The narrator gets pushed away from a better future,a better life.In both poems,the narrator is lost and searching for something.Maybe,the two lonely people in the poem will find each other and be complete.Who knows? Overall,lovely poem.I hope you have a good day/night.
thank you for sharing your thoughts :3
G'day, Cryptologenic. I have to admit that this is an intriguing piece, both sides put together to make a visual representation of motion, sine and cosine functions colliding and adding onto each other. Hats off to writing it like that. As the right column is "another art work", I'll focus simply on your part, the left side and its conclusion.
Aside for the wave motion, what really amazed me is that the poem makes sense and is readable both alone, and when combined with the right column. It's like looking at a coin from two sides, hearing both sides, and then flipping the coin to get a single conclusion in term of how it falls. A sort of inevitability, that no matter what side it falls on, the conclusion still is "cast away". Cast away after a moment of respite, eternally searching for something better that'd persist.
The freestyle here does its charm, but looking it from poem perspective, I'd say this is more of an internal/external monologue of a single person, a sharing of a state as it comes and goes, which would impact readers more as lyrics for a song than a poem itself. Something akin to Cowboy Bebop - Rain, if you know. Following this statement, I don't have much to really say about the structure itself, it's put together well in its own fashion.
Thank you for the artistic contribution, it's been a pleasure to see such a work after a long time.
Best regards,
Jeremy
thanks for the review! i'm glad the twin cinema ended up making sense :