Your words linger in my head,
Echoing all the time,
Fears and dreams beleaguer me.
“I love you.” “I love you.”
Nightmarish thoughts versus the calming sea,
A threat unseen,
A test of love.
Lies and slander mark your teeth,
A truth I refuse to believe.
Tales of fantasy you tell me.
Tell me why you love me.
Feel the heat rising from my flesh,
Feel the anxiety of my heart.
The words you speak penetrate my heart of ice.
My mind wandering in the dark,
Whispers bouncing from the trees.
“I love you.” “I love you.”
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
wow!! I liked it! How you describe love is way creative!!
When I first read it at first, I didn't get the poem but when I read and analyzed it... it was good! keep it up, Crescent.
And how you portray the first person seems to be all alone and very desperate to express how he/she feels to his/her beloved one... nice!
Hello there Crescent!
You have some very interesting and unique lines here, such as, "Lies and slander mark your teeth". That's an incredibly unique way of saying it, and I like it an awful lot. The unique language in this, I can tell, is your strength. Try and keep that as much as possible.
First I'll talk about what I liked because that's always nice.
However, this poem is a challenge for me to understand as an overall piece. I don't really know what's going on here between the two lovers because, even with the unique language, it seems to be written too mysteriously. Since I don't know anything about the speaker or the one the speaker is addressing, it's hard for me to understand the situation and relate. Poetry is all about making the reader feel something, and your first step to that would be helping them to understand what you're talking about. Perhaps try expanding the idea into more of a situation, rather than a list given to the other person, but as something that the reader can put themselves into and understand. I'm guessing this is about something you're feeling - so try writing it as if it wasn't about you. That way the reader can feel just as you, or the speaker, does. That is most important.
I hope you understand everything I said! If it was a bit complicated, feel free to shoot me an email and I'll try to better explain. Best of luck!
Cresent my friend! I will enjoy taring your poem to pieces! <33.
So just from the title alone, I know it will be a poem about love and cliche and like the rest of them. No offense by any of that too, please. And that is somewhat of a turn off to even wanting to read the poem. But the line it's self, echoes of love, double sided is a nice and it can be used in soooooo many different ways, I recemend remembering it and reusing it later. Onto the poem!
"test of love" I do believe that is a cliche. "heart of ice" I think that is very common. Maybe you could use likeeeeeee, fill my voided chest, no loner of doubt or something of the sort. You canz do it!
And I do like the ending.Everything I didn't mention was alright with me. So GREAT job.
Good luck, keep writing.
Silented1.