*This story is underneath my folder titled “Souls and Roses”. Gacha Club character designs are under this forum: https://www.youngwriterssociety.com/viewtopic.php?f=27&t=116005&start=1455. Enjoy!*
In a wondrously enchanted town called Rosesilk, there lived a little green-haired faerie girl called Elisa. It was impossible for her to not see beauty everywhere she went, for the flowers never faded, magic winked in and out like twinkling stars, and everyone was so kind and dear to one another.
Well, not everyone. Out of all the creatures that lived in Rosesilk, a mere human was the Queen of it all. She had a sister, Queen Margaret, who had ruled before her, but after Margaret had disappeared, Cordelia took over as Queen. Nobody really liked Cordelia, because she killed anyone who was sick, claiming that “sick people were weak people”.
Elisa did not understand how a human could have such power over Rosesilk or why she was Queen in the first place, but she didn’t have much fear over her. She believed that if enough creatures got together, they could get rid of her and have Margaret back as Queen. After all, Elisa’s own parents were always protesting the Queen, gathering others to join them in their big plan to stop her for good. For a good long while, Elisa was confident that they, the faeries that could heal as much as they could hurt, the vampires that loved and lurked, the elves that blessed and broke, and the humans that had kindred spirits, could defeat Queen Cordelia for good.
But then came the dead of one harrowing, horrid night, when the Queen’s soldiers descended upon Elisa’s village, killing anyone they could see. Elisa couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw her neighbors scream as their bones and wings curled within themselves, as barren and blighted as trees in winter. She was told by her parents that faeries could not be easily killed and yet, there were the human soldiers, killing them with their human weapons. What was it that was making the faeries die? Was it some kind of weakness that Queen Cordelia figured out? Why did she hate them so?
And because Elisa felt so hopeless and fragile, she called out for her parents, searching for them amidst the shouts and screams. But no matter where she looked, they could not be found, dead or alive.
Soon, Elisa was all alone, the faerie village silent and solemn. If she could not find her parents, then perhaps they were taken. And if they were taken, how could she hope to get them back? She could barely fly. She didn’t know where to go.
Elisa was only one little faerie, only known for dancing and dreaming. Where would she start? What could she do?
With a heavy heart, her tears fell to the stick-laden ground. She was stronger with the others and there was no one left.
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,733 Reviews
This is a wonderful short story, I love how in such a short time you developed such a good world. I feel as though this story should be longer though. While it did create an amazing atmosphere, it just felt as if the entirety of the thing was rushed, especially the world building. But, you might have sequels to it that explain it more in depth, I do not know. But I always enjoy a good fantasy, I am curious though, if the fae are not so easily killed, what was killing them? How did a human queen manage to instill fear in things like fairies, vampires, and elves? And what caused her to hate these magical creatures so much? All of this is grounds for a good series of short stories. I think that if you did wish to continue this, it would be a good idea.
Hi there, here to leave a review.
Beautiful short story! I love the imagery and atmosphere; the contrast between the idyllic Rosesilk town and the brutality of the massacre. Concise too.
I do feel the transition between the 2 images is a bit abrupt, but a sentence or two is all that's needed to smoothen that out; maybe a stand-alone sentence could heighten and foreshadow the tension of what's to come.
I would also love it if you explored Cordelia's backstory a little more; why DOES she feel the "need to kill sick people?" We understand her motives, but not necessarily the origin of them. Perhaps that might be worth exploring. And furthermore, why she decided to become Queen of Rosesilk in the first place? What was, is, her end-goal?
Overall wonderful read, and I hope to read more of your work!
Hi there, here to leave a review.
Beautiful short story! I love the imagery and atmosphere; the contrast between the idyllic Rosesilk town and the brutality of the massacre. Concise too.
I do feel the transition between the 2 images is a bit abrupt, but a sentence or two is all that's needed to smoothen that out; maybe a stand-alone sentence could heighten and foreshadow the tension of what's to come.
I would also love it if you explored Cordelia's backstory a little more; why DOES she feel the "need to kill sick people?" We understand her motives, but not necessarily the origin of them. Perhaps that might be worth exploring. And furthermore, why she decided to become Queen of Rosesilk in the first place? What was, is, her end-goal?
Overall wonderful read, and I hope to read more of your work!
Hiyaaaaaaa creeper
Happy May Review Day!
Today I'll be using cherie's Watermelon Review Method to analyse this short story
Skin- Initial observations
A simple and short short story that makes use of its words very efficiently to progress the story further.
The Rind- Interpretations
In the first para you introduce us to the setting: the fictional realm of Rosesilk that is filled with all sorts of magical creatures. Within all the creatures, is our charming and innocent protagonist- Elisa.
Over this very small and lively town, rules Queen Cordelia who kills anyone that is sick considering them weak (interesting). Yet before her, ruled Queen Margaret who was seemingly more kind and the people's Queen.
Yet she dissapeared mysteriously and people want her back.
Thus vampires, faeries and elves protest to bring back Margaret's kindness.
However, this rebellion is scarred by an attack on them.
What stands out, is the fact that human soldiers managed to kill much stronger magical creatures.
Admist all the chaos wreaking, Elisa hopelessly tries to search for her parents.
Soo she was left with no company- powerless.
Pulp- The Tastiest Part
I think I like ur use of words very much especially at the end
In such a small story, you managed to show Elisa's innocence,the trust she had in the protests, her hopelessness and scaredness.
Seeds -Critiques
I don't have anything to add here
Thx for reading!
Yooo the title was interesting so I clicked on it, no dissapointment reading this at all.
Maybe a little nitpicky here, but since this is Elisa's origin, I feel like we should have at least a little bit of how she felt when Margret had disappeared. We know no one really liked Cordelia, but how did people feel once Margret had gone? And how did they initally take that? I feel like if it's an orgin then we should know what Elisa observed even if it was stated in another chapter.
I did however really like the descriptions. Absolutely beautiful, chefs kiss from me. Especially the part where its stated their bones and wings curled? Defintely made me shiver a little ngl. Love how everything is very clear and easy to understand, thank you for writing this, I enjoyed reading it
I%u2019m glad you enjoyed this!