Flashbacks

I think that this was written so beautifully, and it touched my heart. Despite of what the other people have said I think it’s perfect the way it is. The relationship between Cathy and the main character does seem to need more work though. I think we should be able to see into the relationship a little more, but other then that, I wouldn't change a thing. Nice work =)

Okay,

to begin with, well done. This is really tough subject matter, laden with clichés and grey areas. I think you were successful in avoiding these for the most part.

So to the big things -- I think you are mature enough as a writer for me to ask you questions about the piece and you can be honest with yourself when you answer.

Why use time stamps?

Consider all the wars in the last 100 years; Vietnam, Afghanistan, Iraq, Falklands, East Timor, WW1, WW2, Japan, Nanking, Korea, Cold War European occupation.

Now other than the times stamps we don't get any indication as to the setting, no talk of the internet or modern anomalies. So why don't you leave this open? Use Ellipses and let the reader decide what era it is set in. Because Post-Traumatic Stress is not a recent thing, it was perhaps more poetic in the earlier half of the century because it bore down veterans, stiff upper lip, solidiers don't cry and all of that. It was much more relevant because nowadays veterans have a cache of services, they have forced remedial seminars and so on.

Why three parts?

Now this is a serious one. And I wouldn't dare answer it myself because I don't want to influence you, it's your story and you have your reasons for designing it this way. But I would say the final segment of this is easily the most powerful, if I read it alone, and a few of the events were shadowed I would enjoy this just as much. Food for thought.

Would an open Hitchcock ending be more powerful yet?

So you've done something I haven't seen from you. You have pressed a theme more than a story. You have given the theme, the characters and the story equal weighting. It's always been one way or the other with your work but you got it pretty much spot on here. So the story is always going to resonate, that is to say, the theme is strong enough to keep me thinking about the story long after I have finished. But, that been said, I would ask you why you decisively kill your prot at the end? I think one of the most useful tools we as writers have at our disposable is the enigma of before and after. If you stop when he is holding the gun (hell, why not stop mid sentence, like Easton Ellis. To highlight how life never really begins or ends?) the story will be stronger, the reader will try to decipher clues, did he do it? was he liberated of the guilt and fear? did he give life one more shot? The reader starts to ask these questions and this let's them pander over the work longer enough for the theme to really sink bone deep. So I would suggest reconsidering where this story ends, where does it really end. And perhaps ask where it begins, which scenes are important, which are not so.

As for the format, I think it is a little choppy. I think sometimes you use it well, when you segue from present day dialogue to flashback dialogue as his comrad is dying, I thought that was brilliant. However at the beggining it got a little tough to get through, easy fix though, you need to combine a couple of flashbacks and a couple of the other lines. I know you have this rigid, one line present day, three lines flashback, thing going on, but don't place these constraints on your work, just write the damn thing and if patterns emerge so be it.

As for the writing itself, lovely as always. No glaring errors, no stunning imagery yet but it is getting stronger, so I commend you.

JP

Coming to review as requested! (I started to review this, then was so tired I fell asleep and lost it, so here's my second attempt!)

I think the main thing here is that we don't get to see a lot of Andrew's life outside the flashbacks, nor his relationship with Cathy. We can begin to build a relationship with the character of his past self, but we don't really feel much for the current one... it's like although the protagonist is one person his two very different personalities almost split him into two.

This isn't necessarily a problem however, but you need to ensure that you make them the reader attatched to the both of them. It's sort of like when you're doing a novel with two PoV's... make us love BOTH characters!

That's my only criticsm really, except from the fact that the ending was fairly predictable. There's not much you can do about that though, not without recreating the wholle of the story. Unless perhaps he gets so absorbed with this past life he goes out thinking he is fighting and gets killed by a train/car or something? That's just a suggestion though!

Grammar and spelling is fine, and I've taken a look at the proper structure and think you've formatted it well
Keep up the good work!
Icy

A review is coming.

Hey there Confetti!

I like the idea of this. It's a well known fact that people who have been to war usually come back a different person. It can stay with them their whole lives, lingering in their thoughts, and I think this story expressed this well.

The style was nice. I liked the flickering back and forth between the flashbacks and reality. I do feel like there's a lot of information missing though. Like Mistie, I want to know more about Cathy. I'd like to know how long she's been with Andrew, since before or after the war, and also how old they are. Once we know how long they've been together, the scene where she leaves will become more significant. We'll feel for her more. If she was with him before the war then she must want the old Andrew back and the reader will be able to see, even though she's not the protagonist, how frustrating it must be for her. Their ages isn't so much of a big deal, but it'll help to set the scene a little. Are they almost near marrying? Married?

it’s still hanging in he closet.

so I pull the window curtains shut and

This is very good. I liked how you went in and out of 'flashbacks' and the way you wrote this. It is kind of choppy with the flow in some places, but that's it.
And I know you're sure about the plot, but I would recommend some more back-story with Cathy and the protagonist's relationship.