Young Writers Society

I like this. However, I think it could use more details. It needs more, more life. More description of the blood, maybe a description of how the vampire- I assume it's a vampire- looks, feels in the night. How the nighttime air feels.
And what color are the victim's eyes? Just wondering.

It's a little too short for my taste with the lack of details. However, even without the details it's still an amazing piece. Good work and keep writing.

Hello once again cm57105,

And once again, this poem awes me. This was exactly what I had in mind! You once again did a great job. The only thing I might change, is that this poem is a little repetitive from the first one, but that is understandable, being the second part. I like your work a lot. Keep writing and thanks for sharing (again)!

Zephion

Hi! I like this poem. It's good but here is what I think:

Is that all that bad?-- you say 'that' twice. Maybe say "Is it all that bad" or something.

I play this by my own rules,
Not by some petty humans,-- This is a great line, but I would add an apostrophe to the humans to make it human's.

And I smile as fear shows clearly in her bright eyes.
Not bright for any longer...-- this second part makes sense to me, but it is a little unclear. Maybe you could say "They won't be bright for any longer" Or "Eyes that will no longer be bright."

An easy tug with my hands-- I would say of instead of with.

And I am free to feast.-- The And is unnessisary. You could just say "I am free to feast"