Young Writers Society

Hey cm57105,

I am here to review this work for you and all I can say is..... wow. Somehow I've been drawn to creepy posts today, and this is certainly one of them. I like it, I like it a lot. I can't really come up with much to say other than I loved this poem. The imagery, the wording, everything was excellent. I wish I could write poetry like that (or at all really), and my hat is off to you for a stupendous job. I think that you would have even more success if you made this into a longer poem. Adding a few stanzas of actually taking a life. You mention killing in general here, but perhaps if you were to add a more personal death this wonderful poem would be even better. Thanks for sharing and keep writing.

Zephion

Wait a few minutes as a leaf through a dictionary for adjectives . . . . . . . <turning pages> . . . . . . . <turning pages> . . . . . . . <turning pages> . . . . . . . <turning pages> . . . . . . . <turning pages> . . . . . . . <turning pages>

I give up, and admit am at a absolute loss for adjectives.
The imagery is incredible, "uncontrollable giggles", "snapping of fragile necks" all work up to the image who wished to create.

Just one line boggles me:"As I slowly crush what dignity that still have."
A typo perhaps.

When I red the subgenre, I read humor, just to show you where my mind was at when I read this.

That being said, I think you did a wonderful job with a horror piece. I caught on that this was not funny right away, and the thought really is provoking. I would suggest looking at the second word in the third stanza, last line, and really consider if that is the word you wanted to use in that spot. It tripped me up when I was reading this and made me question if it was a typo.

The imagery is good. I like how you draw the reader in with the blunt statement that they are not a killer, then proceed to kill someone in the poem. We hear their screams, feel the lust to kill, and the breaking of the bones. I don't think you need punctuation at the end of every line, aside form the last one. I think the last one needs a period, but, for example, "The fear and screams,/ as I slowly..." It would read better with just "The fear and screams/ as I slowly..." Also, just to warn you, it is not necessary to capitalize the first word of every line. Some poets do it, just like some poets put punctuation at the end of every stanza, but it really isn't necessary in today's age.

Currently the consensus is use punctuation, and capitalization where there is stress needed in the poem. I think that's because most people COUNT THIS AS SCREAMING online. I'm not really sure about it otherwise. You'll have to wait for another reviewer to give you a better insight. Overall though, I agree with them on the end punctuation, put it in where you take a breath when you read the poem out loud naturally, not at the end of every line unless you DO pause at the end of every line. Most poetry is read through the lines, meaning they hop from line to line without pausing unless they run across punctuation.

Aside form that, I think the poem was solid overall.