His Sweet Embrace

                                                                       His Sweet Embrace 

Warning, implied character death. I'm not sure what a trigger warning is but I should most likely stick this up here just in case.

           I opened the wooden door that led to my small bedroom, not even bothering to close it, and collapsed upon my bed. I felt numb inside. He couldn't have hurt me anymore than he has already, surely there was no way... I buried my head into my pillow, finally letting the stinging tears I was holding back cascade down my cheeks. I heard the dry crinkle of paper as I stretched out, and I reached down to find a note by my knees. It was folded, college rule lined paper, like it always was. I shook my head, trying to whisk away the tattered fragments of the few happy memories I had with him. Antony always did have a thing for mysterious messages.... 'Stop that!' I though to myself furiously. 'He isn't worth your time!' I looked down at the note my hands, knowing I shouldn't open it. The toilet was the only place anything from HIM should go, but a sense of dread, and even worse, curiosity,  began to rise within me, and with shaking hands I began to unfold the sheet. 

      Dear Lyra,                                                                 

            I'm sorry Lyra, but I have been seeing this other girl for a while now, and I think I should end us. You know, for my sake. You are pretty and all, but Angelica is twice the girl you ever were, so it makes me feel really lame when I go out with you. I hope you understand.

Your ex boyfriend,  Antony. 

  I slowly crunched up the paper in my fist, anger flowing, fierce and hot, through my veins. How DARE he?!? He insulted my friends, forced me to move in with him, RUINED MY LIFE, AND THIS IS HOW HE REPAYS ME!?!? I felt something come over me, my vision narrowed into darkness, my hands began moving of their own accord, and I slowly tore the letter into shreds, imagining that it was his body I was ripping into bloody pieces. 

     I laughed, a wild, shrieking scream tearing its way from my throat. I felt my eyes start to burn from the acid-like tears dripping from them, but I didn't care. He actually hurt me more than he has already, hasn't he? Who knew that idiotic coward actually could break me... I smiled with grim satisfaction, thinking,  'He finally broke me... he finally did it... he always wanted to know what my dark side was...' I felt like I had swallowed a stone, and my heart beat against my ribcage like it was searching despretly for a way it could finally free itself from this horrid nightmare called my life.

     I balled my hands into fists, and then sent one of them smashing into a nearby mirror. It cracked and shattered, bits and pieces of the metallic object dropping to the wooden flooring with a resounding crash. The fury flowed out of me in a large rush, and I collapsed to my knees and curled myself into a ball, my hand still full of mirror shards. I let out a moan of anguish, but no tears coated my cheeks. I was all cried out out... 

      I sat there, dark ruby blood pooling upon the floor, for such a period of time that even I can not say how long it lasted. This break up wasn't my fault... I know i'm not that pretty, and I'm not as thin as the next girl, but that's not my fault...right?  Slowly, I dragged myself back to reality and I summoned the will to stand up. 'How could I be so foolish?' I thought to myself with dismay, as I began to pull each fragment of the broken mirror out my left hand. I winced in pain and gritted my teeth to keep from screaming as I removed a particularly long one from my flesh. I was DONE with all of this, I had fun having a boyfriend for while, but Antony could go jump in a septic tank for all I care. I have had enough of chasing after him, and I wasn't going to go crawling back on my knees like some stupid baby, just because he decided to end us. I could always find another guy... right? 

        I blinked once, twice, and then sat on my bed. All the guys of I knew, every guy I had ever known, they were all ridiculous excuses for the male gender, all they ever did was lie, steal, and pretend to be better than they were. Well, now that I think about it, most of the girls I know were like that too. Even I did things I wasn't proud of, but at least I wasn't some...some... stupid FAKER!!! I stopped for a moment, and thought. I couldn't be a faker, could I? So what if I sometimes lied to Antony about what I liked, if we had the same hobbies it could only pull us together, and i will go and pay him back for those dates he treated me to. Who cares if I forgot his birthday once or twice... I blinked and then a deep frown carved itself upon my face. I was a terrible person...

   I felt a deep despair consume me, stealing my energy, and I sagged upon the bed, feeling utterly lifeless. My life was a mess, it wasn't even worth living anymore. I was an awful person, I had no one to love me anymore, with my parents passing, and my friends ditching me because I hung out with Antony so often. No one cared if I lived or died anymore, and with that thought, I felt a sense of calm wash over me.

          I reached down and picked a shard of mirror, turning it so I could see my reflection. I was a mess, my face was red from my near-constant crying, my eyes were swollen and bloodshot,  and I looked like I had been hit by a bus, but I had never felt happier than I felt now. I had no regrets... I began to sing a song I once learned, but it never seemed to be as beautiful to me before. Slowly, as steady as a heart beat, I sang, 

I have sinned and I have cheated

and I've lied, oh yes I've lied! 

I have laughed when I really

should have gone and cried.

I've done so many things I shouldn't have,

and I wish I could go and hide, 

but now it feels like part of me 

has finally gone and died! 

( this is the chorus)

I don't know if my life will

get any better than this, 

this final, lovely feeling

and this final, lovely bliss. 

I'm just waiting for his sweet embrace,

and then Death's final kiss! 

Pulling out my final breath

from right between my lips. 

   (end chorus)

We only have one life to live, 

I'm livin' mine in the now.

Instead of planning for the furure,

I've taken my final bow.

If life is but a story, 

I've written of my end! 

Now I'll never know what's comin' for me

up around the bend.

(Repeat chorus)

I don't know my right from wrong,

I don't care anymore.

Why should things matter

when no one's keeping score? 

If you want my whole life's story,

it's in my blood upon the floor! 

Why do you care, anyways, 

when no one's keeping score? 

(Repeat chorus) 

I'm just waiting for his sweet embrace, 

and then Death's final kiss,

pulling out my final words 

from right between my lips...

I pushed the jagged edge of the shard to the largest vein in my wrist as I ended the song. I smiled in satisfaction as blood started to flow out like a torrent of crimson. I felt my body grow limp and my vision go hazy as I fell onto the floor, joining the sparkling fragments there with a loud thump.

I think it's time I found a new boyfriend, don't you?