Bareface

Introduction:

Hey there, teammate! I have to tell you something: I've never done this before. I've never liked a short poem to the point where I'm going to do it line by line, telling you everything I like about it. But now I am, because this is pretty extraordinary.

Ready? Set? Go!

Content:

the bareface quickly dies

This poem reminds me of Lewis Carroll's Jabberwocky, with its well-placed nonsense and its idiosyncratic gibberish. It's quite amazing, actually--"Bareface", as far as I can tell, is a completely made-up word. And yet I can picture it clearly. I'm probably not picturing it as you are, or as another reader is, but I have a well-defined image in my mind. That being said, I'd love to see a stronger word that "quickly". I've found that, in poetry, the word "quickly" can be disorienting to the reader.

polka dot red-white-black

I like the strong cadence of the "red-white-black", and the punctuation you chose to put here. It's quite brilliant, actually, and also a technique used by Mr. Carroll in one or two of his works. Excellent job, chelseamarie. I'm glad to have you on my team.

and dulled spiderwebs of electric blue

Although I love the last four words, I feel like "dulled and "electric" contrast here in a way I don't like. It makes it harder for me to create a coherent picture in my mind. Personally, I like the idea of the spiderweb (something we normally see as inconsequential or even an annoyance) being the splash of color in a dull world. I'd remove "dulled" from this--it'd still work as a line, I think.

Raw from rubbing eyes

I really like this line, although I don't like it's first letter. "Raw from rubbing eyes" is an intriguing sentence, but the R being capitalized is a bit strange and doesn't seem to have a poetic purpose. Maybe you could share your idea for why? If not, I'd suggest changing it back to "r". Look: I can't really explain what's wrong here, but poet-to-poet... something feels off.

For a mere glimpse

at that horrid flesh

I think you could find a stronger, more powerful word than "horrid" here. It seems distinctly like a /whine/ of sorts, like a toddler whining about how peas and broccoli are "horrid", if you get my drift. I know you have a wide and varied vocabulary, and I want you to make use of that vocabulary when you write lines like this.

leads to an unbearable madness

Again, I'd try replacing "unbearable" with a stronger, more idiosyncratic word. I've been wowed by your vocabulary thus far, but "unbearable" seems almost like a placeholder, strangely falling flat in this context.

with the inevitable eclipse

Finally, I love this line. It's mysterious and wonderful and makes you think. You remind me, again, of Lewis Carroll. Excellent.

The Sign-Off:

This was an evocative, well-shaped series of images. I look forward to reading more.

As we say in my hometown, don't forget to be awesome.
IronSpark

Hi there. I'm here for a quick review.

the bareface quickly dies

polka dot red-white-black

and dulled spiderwebs of electric blue

Raw from rubbing eyes

This is beautiful imagery. Spare and minimalistic to be sure, but all the more vivid for it. I do not quite get the image of the last two lines though. This might be entirely my own fault, but how are electric blue spiderwebs connected to rubbing eyes. Wouldn't that result in a reddening of the eyes instead? If I failed to understand the point of the image, I am truly sorry. It is a beautiful poem.

The second stanza is great too, though I am not sure what you mean by the inevitable eclipse in the last line. Overall the poem has a very surreal feel to it, and I like the way the stark imagery stands out against the surreal vagueness of the tone. Well done!