The Fakers

Hey Cynder here to review. You don't have to take my advice, but in case you want to, here it is. I think you are trying to make a point here, but whatever you were trying to convey didn't really get perceived by your readers. First of all, I like the fact that the Poem is utterly simple, it gives it a raw sort of effect to poems. However, I have a few nit picks. You put the word dressed at the start of three different lines. I believe this to be unnecessary. Second, I think it would boost this poems rawness and add a few extra lines if you described the rubies and gems without coming right out and telling the reader what they are. Overall, I think you could add some inspiring elements to it, but that's just my opinion. I'm not going to tell you what I think the poem is about because it's up to you-what it means to you, that is. I would like to, as a reader, understand your point here, though. Not too shabby, my friend, and keep writing. ~Cynder

Hello, chelseamarie! I can't really come up with much of a meaning behind this, unless it's that the man with the mask is the only one who cares to know about the truth while everyone else just kind of fakes it, as the title states, "The Fakers."
I think the reason you decided to "dress" him in so many things is because all of these items are natural. I didn't even know what cymophane and aglaonemas were until I googled them (I suppose I'm really stupid for not knowing that stuff). The reason you might have dressed him in natural things is because they are pure and real, just like the truth in a sense.
One thing I did find in this poem was this stanza:
"Hand on the gun he didn't really care"
I feel like this should be separated by a coma. Such as "Hand on the gun, he didn't really care" or maybe even breaking it off into a separate stanza. However, there really aren't any rules in poetry, so you don't necessarily have to.
Rather than that, I didn't see any errors, so that's really all you need to fix, if you decide to anyway. I like the use of "big" words in this poem. Continue to write and improve!
~Prez. T

Fallen here to review you today, must apologize first for any misspellings I'm on a computer that despises me.

Now all start off with the nitpicks because I only have a few first, I'm a bit confused on what this poem is actually about. Is it deception in genreal and your personafying him. Or is this poem about drugs and the fake abyss of deception they lure you into. Or is it simply about hypocrites?

Next, I love your word choice but cymophane and agalonemes I had to look up, no idea what they met.

Other than that I thought your poem was simplistic yet powerful and elegant. I enjoyed how the flow of the poem as well.

Sincerly,
Fallen

Hi there chelseamarie! Niteowl here to review for Team Firebolts this fine Review Day!

I do like some of the images in this. I especially liked the dopamine clouding the air and this figure dressed in coal and clouds.

However, I feel like the words "cymophane" and "aglaonemas" really took me out of the poem. I had to go look them up, and after doing so, I didn't really understand what you were getting at, so I kind of lost the interesting image I had with the much simpler coal and clouds. It feels like you're trying to use fancy words to make the imagery for you, but it has the opposite effect.

To remedy this, I would either suggest a) sticking to simpler words, like "cat's-eye" or b) expand upon these words. Show us the gleaming stones that seem to watch you from every angle and the striped leaves cascading down his legs. If there's some symbolism these things are associated with, allude to it. For example, my Google search revealed that aglaomenas are sometimes associated with good luck, so maybe you could say something like "yet he only brought ill fortune" if that's something you were trying to convey.

Also, after having read this piece several times, it's not clear what it's talking about. There's some truth no one wants to hear, then there's some metaphorical dressing (from the title, I feel like this has something to do with deception), then there's a random gun, then he disappears. The only clue that makes any sense to me is the dopamine, suggesting he's drugging "us" so his deception remains unseen.

There's something to be said for short poems, but I feel this one needs at least a little expansion. What is he hiding? What is this truth? Why does he go from deceiving to killing? Right now, I feel like there's some moral message in this, but you could use stronger images and metaphors to add clarity without flat-out stating "The moral of the poem is...".

Overall, there's some cool imagery in this, but I think it could be utilized better to make the message shine. Keep writing!

Hey there! CaptainSaltWater here with a review for you!

I really like this. It shows how to fakers are dressed and how hypocritical they are. But my nitpick is the ending.

And he floats away

Away… away


Instead I would do this


And he floats away.

Away, away.


It looks way better that way. That is really all. You poem describes a lot. I want to see more by you. Don't give up and always write!

-CaptainSaltWater

Happy review day!