Wild Heart

Thank you! Any suggestions on how to make that one part a bit slower and easy to understand?


I welcome any comments/and/or suggestions!

Thank you for the review.

Nice! This moved fairly quick, and you made me feel like I was moving with the caribou and the wolves myself. I think the vocab, thought, was what made this prolgoue (I do agree with Snoink that this would not make a good prologue, however) so interesting.

A part that completely confused me--it was too fast, with no description and I didn't know who was who, what was what--was: "The injured animal was trapped between the lake and the wolves. The caribou hesitated only momentarily, then leaped over the horsetails standing sentinel on the lake shore. The animal’s pumping legs carried her quickly far out into the lake. The wolves gathered by the shore’s edge, and after a series of silent signals from the alpha, half of the pack disappeared into the thick brush."

Separate these two into even more, as Suzanne said. I completely agree.


Anyway, good job. If you need any help, PM me.

Thanks!!!!!!!!! If you are interested, the next three bits are also up.

Thanks for posting!

Hey Canis! This was pretty good! I didn't notice any spelling or grammar mistakes, and you started your story off well and left the reader wanting to learn more. I really don't have much else to say. o.o

Great job, keep it up, and i can't wait to read more!

-Mays

Thanks for the review! I will go and review your piece as soon as I have time.

The caribou got away, because the pack was distracted as their leader got caught in a trap. (By the way, it seems everyone thinks she was shot. In fact she was caught in a bear-claw trap. Any suggestions on how to make this clearer?)

The hunters would want a wolf because they are very valuable trophies, and he wasn't actually there when it got trapped, so he wouldn't know about the caribou. Make sense?

Thanks fro the review!

Whoa. This is really vivd. I could imagine that! Well done. lol. I know this was written like 4 months ago but i really had to say something.

I love it. Have you read Julie of the Wolves? I love that book! I hve the treasury set to it!! I've read it like 5 times... i think. :p Oh and what about Call of the Wild? Nice books eh??

I'm trying to write about wolves in a fantasy like way, but im having trouble making them seem wolflike or something... i guess. hehe . any ideas? the story is called Giant Wolves, if you want to check it out. The prologue/beginning is more of a wolf like scene. Cuz the wolves talk.

Anyways back to ur story.

What happend to the caribou btw?

And uh why was she shot? I mean, wudn't the hunter want to kill the caribou instead of the wolves??

Well anyways i would love to read the second part!!

Gd Job!!

chayonz

Thanks! I'll definitely keep your suggestions in mind.

Gwenevire: Good Idea! I'll get to work on that....

Fangala: Yeah, I know. Sorry it was hard to read, but the separation of dreams vs. reality gets important later on. If you have any suggestions, feel free to tell me! Thanks for the review.

Nice

I think you should explain your surroundings a little more!

Woohoo! I love wolf stories.

This is a beautiful piece, and I really can't see anything wrong with it. My only complaint is the italics. Don't get me wrong; I love italics, but I can't stand whole segments written in it. It's hard to read.

Anyways, I can't wait to read more. In fact, that's what I'm going to do right now.

Thanks all! I've also posted two bits after this, if you want to read them.

Snoink: Thanks! I'll definitely keep your suggestions in mind. I used this for NaNo, and am finished now. I am currently in the edit stage, so maybe I will get rid of this when I get around to the first chapter.

Bigbadbear: This is the first part!! I think I will PM you....

Ayra: Please do read the other ones! I really want more reviews.

Azila: Thanks!!!!!

Eep... I think the prologue should probably be scraped and you should keep the first chapter instead, as the beginning point. This prologue is slightly confusing at the moment, and I'm sure you can do it much more justice towards middle somewhere, just so you can make sure that your middle is as exciting as ever.

Like, for example, I had this prologue-y thing for one of my stories, and it confused a lot of people, so rather than deleting it entirely, I moved it to another chapter, and suddenly it made a lot more sense and the beginning was improved because of it.

I think you may want to do this too.

Ayra wrote:But anyways, Great work! I want to read more of this!

That was really cool!
I love wolves--actually, I'm working on a story called 'Wolf Heart'
Azila already mentioned all the things I noticed, so I haven't got anything, well, anything constructive to say...
But anyways, Great work! I want to read more of this!
Keep writing,
.:Ayra:.

Hey! I haven't read the stuff before this, but I thought it was really good. It moved at a reasonable pace, and I didn't seen any spelling or stuff. Good job! I liked it alot! If you post more, PM me!!!

Always willing to read your stuff!


BBB

EDITED!!! Comments plz?

I love this. I do agree with Misty that you should suck the reader in more, though. Didn't you put this in the beginning of "Chap1"??

Anyway, keep up the good work, canis!

~Azila~

thanks everybody, for the reviews.


Kyte:You'll see! This is the prologue, and I didn't want all of it to make sense.

Azila: thanks for the review! I'll keep your suggestions in mind for the edit. About the gunshot, I was thinking that there wouldn't even actually be a person there. I was thinking that her leg would have been caught in a trap, or something more along those lines. If you have any suggestions on how to elaborate on this please let me know.

Misty: thanks. Isn't it anoying when someone needs her own advice?
I think I am going to reword this whole thing again anyway.
There is no reason why you should really care about the caribou. I meant them to be more background and scenery as the beggining of the story.

thanks again for the reviews. Do you think I should post the next part?

Ehhhmmm...Well I will echo what you said about the first paragraph of my story: make it more interesting so it drags your reader in more, because it's kind of boring.

Also, you should probably split it into more paragraphs...

I'm also forced to raise the question: Why should anybody particularly care about caribou?

Ooh! This again! I LOOOOVE this piece! I'm glad to see that you're still working on it! (okay, I really need to stop using so many exclamation points)

Kyte: you just wait. You will soon learn why we don't know who "she" is.

The large brown mass started to turn into shapes, feet, ears, etc. She looked to her left, and there was a jet-black wolf, the largest of the pack, the alpha.

It was bleeding from a long gash on one side, and had a painful –looking limp.

Fist off, we need to know who "she" is. Is it a wolf?