*****non-capitalization of "I" was a formatting choice*****
in that moment everything quickly slipped from my grasp; the air i was breathing became carbon monoxide and suddenly i was suffocating.
breathing
breathing
but every breath i took killed me a little more than the last
but why are they doing this to me; why are you doing this to me?
you are my world and suddenly our ground is demolished by these natural disasters
years ago they said this would happen
they warned us that if we continue treating our world with such negligence that it would no longer be able to survive on it’s own
we didn’t listen, we thought we knew better
we didn’t
i didn’t
so why is it me that is suffering the effects when it’s you that is losing gravity
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Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Wow, lovely free verse poem! I love the strong feeling in this, and the non-capitalized "i"s only added to that. I've often written poetry like this and lots of people don't think it's "real poetry", but I've found that it can be the most expressive. The text formatting was great- you used the bold and italics in the right places as to make it more expressive. The only piece of advice I can give to you is this: To me, the last line was a little out of place. You've been talking about air and breathing, but suddenly it's gravity that you're referencing. I'd like to see that last line a little stronger. Go out with a bang, you know?
Overall, I absolutely adored this poem. Very well written. Keep it up!
Hey! Geeky here!
This has so much emotion in it! I could honestly feel how personal this was. I love it! there were only a couple things that caught my eyes.
some of your I's were not capital! I know it probably wasn't on purpose. I do this a lot myself because I'm use to the auto-correct changing my lowercase I's to capital. (I even did it on a school paper) -.-
I really liked how you made the two things bold
you and I didn't
overall, Keep up the good work ! you're a fantastic writer and I look forward to reading more of your stuff:)
your friend,
geeky
hey! Thank you so much for the review; the capitalization of the "I"'s were actually a chosen formatting choice. I chose to do this because it directed a certain attention towards carelessness as the protagonist in the poem is very concentrated on the antagonist. Thank you again for the review!